Staff secondary trauma

It means something that she told you. A few ways to make that conversation go well: **In the moment** - **Thank her for telling you.** "I'm really glad you came to me with this." Many people sit on this for weeks because they worry it looks like they can't handle the job. - **Normalize it.** "This is a really common reaction to hearing something heavy. It doesn't mean you're not cut out for this work. It usually means you care." Vicarious or secondary trauma is a known occupational hazard, not a personal failing. - **Listen more than you fix.** Ask open questions: "What's been sticking with you?" or "How has it been affecting you outside work?" Let her decide how much detail to share. She doesn't need to retell the client's story if that would stir it up again. - **Ask what would help.** "What would make the next week or two easier?" She may already have an idea, like a lighter caseload, time off, or just not taking similar cases for a while. **Concrete things you can offer** - **Workload adjustments:** temporarily shifting cases, especially similar ones, or giving her some breathing room. - **Time off** if she needs it, without making her justify it. - **Professional support:** your EAP if you have one, clinical supervision, or a therapist who understands secondary trauma. Frame it as a normal resource ("this is exactly what it's for"), not a sign something's wrong with her. - **Debriefing:** if your field uses structured debriefs or peer support, offer that. **What to avoid** - Minimizing it: "You'll get used to it," "That's the job." - Making it about you or swapping your own war stories at length. - Pushing her to share more of the client's story than she wants to. - Treating it as a performance issue. **Afterward** - **Follow up** in a few days: "How are you doing since we talked?" This matters as much as the first conversation. - **Watch for escalation.** If the sleep problems persist for weeks, she seems increasingly withdrawn, or she mentions hopelessness or thoughts of self-harm, gently but directly encourage professional help. - **Think about the team.** If one person is feeling this, others may be too. Regular check-ins, reasonable caseloads, and a culture where it's okay to say "that one got to me" help prevent this from building up quietly. Something simple you could open with: *"Thank you for telling me. That sounds really hard, and it makes sense it's staying with you. Let's figure out what would help you right now, and I'll make sure you have support."* If you tell me what kind of work your team does, I can suggest more specific resources.

It's a good sign she told you. That takes trust, and how you respond will shape whether she keeps talking or starts hiding it. What she's describing sounds like **secondary or vicarious trauma**, which is a normal response to hearing about someone else's suffering, especially in client-facing work. It's not a sign she's weak or bad at her job. ## In the moment **Start by thanking her and normalizing it:** > "Thank you for telling me. What you're feeling is a really common reaction to hearing something hard. It says you care, not that you can't handle the work." **Then listen more than you talk:** > "Do you want to tell me about it, or would it help more to talk about what you need right now?" Let her choose. Some people need to talk it through, while others will feel worse retelling the details. Don't push for specifics. **Ask what would help:** > "What would make the next few days easier? Is there anything on your plate I can take off or shift?" ## Things to avoid - Minimizing it ("That's just part of the job," "You'll toughen up") - Jumping straight to fixing it before she feels heard - Sharing your own war story unless it's brief and meant to show she's not alone - Implying it's a performance concern ## Concrete support you can offer - **Workload adjustments:** a lighter caseload for a bit, or temporarily steering her away from similar cases - **Time off** if she needs it, without making her feel guilty - **Your EAP**, if you have one. Mention it as a normal resource, not a referral because something's wrong with her: "A lot of people find it helpful to talk to someone outside work. The EAP is free and confidential." - **Clinical supervision or a formal debrief**, if your field has that structure - **Connection with a colleague** who's been through something similar, if she'd like that ## Afterward - **Check in again** in a few days. A short "How are you doing with that?" means a lot. - **Watch for signs it's getting worse:** ongoing sleep problems beyond a couple of weeks, intrusive images, pulling away, dread about coming to work, or increased drinking. If you see these, gently encourage professional support. - **Think about the bigger picture.** If your team regularly hears traumatic material, it may be worth building in regular debriefs, case rotation, or training on secondary trauma so it isn't left to individuals to cope on their own. If you'd like, tell me a bit about your field or the situation and I can help you tailor what to say.

Start by thanking her for telling you and making it clear she isn't in trouble. Then listen more than you talk. ## What you might say - "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." - "This is a common response to hard stories in our work. It doesn't mean you're not good at your job." - "What would help most right now?" - "You don't need to tell me the details of the client's story. I just want to know how you're doing." That last point matters. Retelling the story can make it harder for her, and the client's privacy still applies. ## What you can offer Be specific. "Let me know if you need anything" is easy to say and hard to act on. - **Time.** Offer a lighter caseload, a break from similar cases, or a day off if she wants one. - **Support.** If your organization has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), give her the phone number and let her know it's confidential. If you have clinical supervision or a debrief process, offer that too. - **A check-in.** Set a time to talk again in a few days or a week. Put it on the calendar. - **Choice.** Ask what she wants rather than deciding for her. Some people want time away, and others want to keep working with more support. ## What to avoid - Telling her to toughen up or that this "comes with the job." - Diagnosing her or using clinical labels. - Promising things you can't deliver. - Sharing what she told you with others without her permission, beyond what's needed to arrange support. ## When to do more If her sleep doesn't improve over a few weeks, or she says things that worry you about her safety, encourage her to see a doctor or counselor. If she ever talks about hurting herself, contact a crisis line with her. In the US, she can call or text **988**. ## Looking ahead If one person is feeling this, others may be too. Regular debriefs, reasonable caseloads, and easy access to support help the whole team over time.

Start by thanking her for telling you, then listen more than you talk. She took a risk by bringing this to you. Your first job is to make that feel safe. ## What you might say **To open:** - "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." - "That sounds really hard to carry. Do you want to talk about it now, or would another time be better?" **To show it's normal:** - "This happens to people who care about their work. It doesn't mean you're not cut out for this." **To find out what she needs:** - "What would help most right now?" - "Is there anything about your caseload or schedule that would make this week easier?" **To offer support:** - "Would some time off help? Even a day?" - "We have [Employee Assistance Program / counseling benefit]. Here's how to reach it: [contact info]." - "Would it help to talk this through with [clinical supervisor / peer support / debrief group]?" ## What to avoid - **Fixing it on the spot.** You don't need the answer in this conversation. - **Comparing.** Skip "I've seen worse" or "that happened to me too, and I was fine." - **Asking for the client's full story.** She may need to talk about it, but she doesn't have to repeat details to you. A counselor or clinical supervisor is a better place for that. - **Making it a performance issue.** Keep this conversation separate from any feedback on her work. ## Concrete steps you can take 1. **Lighten her load for a while** if you can. This could mean pausing new intakes, sharing a hard case, or protecting some admin time. 2. **Give her the EAP or counseling info in writing** so she has it later. 3. **Check in again in a few days.** A short "How are you doing since we talked?" goes a long way. 4. **If the sleep trouble keeps going,** gently suggest she talk to her doctor or a counselor. ## If you're worried it's more serious If she seems to be in more distress than she's saying, or mentions not feeling safe, ask her directly and connect her with help right away. In the U.S., she can call or text **988** any time. ## Longer term If this is happening to one person, others may be feeling it too. Regular case debriefs, clinical supervision, and making it normal to talk about hard cases all help the whole team.

Thank her for telling you, listen without pushing for details, and offer her real choices about support. Here's a simple way to do it. ## What to say **1. Acknowledge that she told you.** "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." **2. Name it as a normal response to hard work.** "This work is heavy. Carrying a client's story home happens to a lot of people who care about what they do." **3. Ask what would help, and offer options.** "What would help most right now? A few things I can do: - Give you time off or a lighter day tomorrow. - Shift some of your cases for a while. - Connect you with our Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or a clinical supervisor. - Check in with you again later this week." **4. Follow her lead.** Let her choose. If she isn't sure yet, that's fine: "You don't have to decide now. I'll check in with you on [day]." **5. Check her safety gently.** "Sometimes when people aren't sleeping and feel weighed down, they have thoughts of hurting themselves. Is anything like that going on for you?" If she says yes, stay with her and call or text **988** together. ## What not to do right now - Don't ask her to retell the client's story. She doesn't need to repeat it, and it protects the client's privacy. - Don't diagnose or label what she's going through. - Don't try to fix it all in one conversation. - Don't suggest she's not cut out for the work. ## After the conversation - Follow up on the day you said you would. - Write a short private note of what you agreed to, with no client details. - Talk with HR or your own supervisor about longer-term support, like case rotation or regular team debriefs. - Take care of yourself too. Hearing this is hard for managers as well. ## Who to call - **Your EAP:** [number] - **Clinical supervisor:** [name and number] - **988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline:** call or text 988 - **Crisis Text Line:** text HOME to 741741 - **Immediate danger:** 911

Thank her for telling you. That took trust. Your job right now is to listen, show her it's normal to be affected by this work, and help her find support. You don't need to fix it or be her counselor. ## What to say first - "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." - "This work is hard. Hearing difficult stories affects people. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong." - "You don't need to tell me the details of the client's story. Just tell me how you're doing." That last line protects her and the client. She shouldn't have to retell the story to get support. ## What to ask - "What would help most right now?" - "Would some time off, a lighter caseload for a while, or a break from this client's file help?" - "Do you want to talk to someone outside the team about it?" Let her choose. Offer real options you can follow through on. ## What to offer 1. **Time.** If she needs to go home or take a day, let her. 2. **Workload changes.** Adjust her schedule or cases for a while if she wants that. 3. **Professional support.** If you have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), give her the number and tell her it's confidential. If you don't, help her find a counselor. 4. **A follow-up.** "Can I check in with you on Thursday?" Then do it. ## What not to do - Don't tell her to toughen up, or that everyone deals with this. - Don't ask for the client's story. - Don't try to be her therapist. Listening and connecting her to help is enough. ## If you're worried about her safety If she mentions thoughts of hurting herself, or you sense she's in real danger: - Stay with her and stay calm. - Call or text **988** (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) together, or give her the number. - If there's immediate danger, call **911**. ## Afterward - Keep what she told you private. Share it only with people who need to know to support her, like HR for leave. - Think about whether your team has regular debriefs or supervision for hard cases. If not, this may be a sign it would help everyone. - Take care of yourself too. Supporting staff through this is heavy. **Numbers to keep handy:** - Your EAP: [number] - 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text **988** - Crisis Text Line: text **HOME** to **741741** - Emergency: **911**

What she needs most right now is to feel heard, not fixed. She trusted you with something vulnerable, and your first response sets the tone. **What to say** - **Acknowledge and normalize:** "Thank you for telling me. That sounds really hard, and it's a normal response to carrying someone else's painful story. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong." - **Ask open questions:** "How long has this been going on?" or "What's been the hardest part?" Then listen without rushing to solutions. - **Ask what she needs:** "What would be helpful right now?" She may know exactly what she needs, whether that's a lighter caseload for a bit, time to debrief, or just to be heard. **What to avoid** - Minimizing: "That's just part of the job" or "You'll get used to it" - Over-reassuring: "I'm sure it'll pass" - Pressing for details of the client's story. Retelling can intensify it, and confidentiality still applies. - Implying she's not cut out for the work **Practical next steps** - **Offer concrete support:** a temporary caseload adjustment, protected time for supervision or debriefing, or a short break if possible. - **Point to resources:** your EAP, counseling benefits, or peer support. Frame it as a normal tool, not a sign of weakness. - **Suggest she see a doctor or therapist if the sleep trouble continues** for more than a couple of weeks, or if she develops intrusive images, panic, numbness, or dread about work. These can be signs of vicarious trauma or secondary traumatic stress, which are treatable. - **Follow up:** check in privately within a few days, then periodically. Knowing you'll ask again matters as much as the first conversation. **For you** - Keep the conversation confidential, and don't let it affect her evaluations or assignments in a punitive way. - Look at the broader picture. If she's struggling, others may be too. Regular reflective supervision, manageable caseloads, and a culture where this is talkable are the best prevention. If she ever expresses hopelessness or thoughts of self-harm, treat it as urgent. Stay with her, and connect her to crisis support right away (in the US, call or text 988). If it would help, I can suggest wording for a follow-up check-in, or for how to bring up workload adjustments.

What she needs first is to feel heard and to know that this reaction is normal and not a sign she's failing at her job. Here's how I'd approach it. **In the moment** - **Thank her for telling you.** It took trust. Something like: *"I'm really glad you told me. That sounds hard, and I'm taking it seriously."* - **Normalize without minimizing.** *"What you're describing is a common response to this kind of work. It doesn't mean you're not cut out for it."* Avoid "that's just part of the job" or "you'll get used to it." - **Listen more than you fix.** Ask open questions: *"How long has this been going on?" "What's been the hardest part?" "What would help right now?"* - **Don't press for details of the client's story.** She doesn't need to retell it to you, and doing so can intensify the distress. If she wants to talk through it, let her, but follow her lead. **Practical support** - **Offer concrete options**, such as a temporary adjustment to caseload, a break from similar cases, or time off if she needs it. Ask what she thinks would help instead of assuming. - **Connect her to resources:** an EAP, counseling, clinical supervision or peer consultation if your workplace has it. If she's lost sleep for more than a couple of weeks or it's affecting her functioning, encourage her to see a doctor or therapist. You can say, *"I'd like to make sure you have support beyond me."* - **Respect confidentiality.** Tell her who, if anyone, you'll need to share this with, and don't share anything else. **What to avoid** - Comparing ("I had a case that was worse") - Reassuring her that it will pass - Pushing her to "leave work at work" - Making it about performance, at least right now **Follow up** - Check in within a few days, then regularly. A short *"How are you doing, and how's the sleep?"* shows it wasn't a one-off conversation. - Look at the bigger picture. If she's feeling this, others might be too. Consider whether your team has enough debriefing, supervision, and reasonable caseloads. **When to escalate** If she mentions hopelessness, thoughts of harming herself, heavy substance use, or seems unable to function, connect her with professional help right away and follow your organization's protocols. A simple opener if you're unsure how to start: *"Thank you for telling me. I'm not going to try to fix this right now, but I want to help. What would be most useful for you this week?"* If you tell me more about your setting (social work, healthcare, legal, etc.) and what resources you have, I can tailor this further.

Start by thanking her for telling you. That took trust, and how you respond will shape whether she tells you again. **What you could say** - "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." - "What you're describing makes sense. This work puts us close to hard stories." - "You don't have to explain it or justify it. What would help right now?" - "I'm not worried about your work. I'm thinking about you." **What to do in the conversation** - **Listen first.** Let her say what she needs to say before you offer solutions. - **Don't ask for client details.** She can talk about how it's affecting her without retelling the story. This also protects the client's privacy. - **Don't fix or compare.** Skip "I've seen worse" and "you'll get used to it." - **Ask what would help.** Some people want a lighter caseload for a week, someone to debrief with, or just to be heard. **What to offer afterward** - A specific adjustment, such as shifting a deadline, taking a case off her plate for now, or a few hours of flexibility. - Your employee assistance program or counseling benefit, if you have one. Share the contact information in writing so she doesn't have to ask again. - A time to check in, such as "Can we talk again Friday?" Then keep it. **Things to watch for** If the sleep problems continue for more than a couple of weeks, or she seems to be getting worse, encourage her to talk with her doctor or a counselor. You can say it simply: "If this doesn't ease up, I'd like you to talk to someone who can help. I'll support you in making time for that." If you'd like, I can draft a short follow-up message or help you plan the check-in.

Thank her for telling you, then listen more than you advise. She took a risk by saying it. **What to say first** - "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." - "That sounds hard, especially with the sleep. Do you want to tell me more about what's been going on?" - "You're not doing anything wrong. This kind of work stays with people sometimes." **Then ask what would help** - "What would make the next few weeks easier?" - "Is there anything on your plate I can take off or move?" - "Would it help to talk through the case, or would you rather not go into it?" Let her decide how much to share. She doesn't need to retell the client's story for you to support her. **What you can offer** - A lighter caseload or a pause on similar cases for a while - Time off, or a flexible schedule for a week or two - Your employee assistance program or counseling benefit, with the details in writing so she doesn't have to hunt for them - Space in supervision or a team meeting to debrief, if she wants it - A reminder that she can take breaks during hard days **What to avoid** - Don't say "at least..." or "that's just part of the job." - Don't jump to fixing it or tell her what she's feeling. - Don't ask for details of the client's story out of curiosity. - Don't treat it as a performance issue. She came to you for support. **Follow up** - Agree on a time to check in, such as a week from now. Then do it. - Keep what she told you private unless she says otherwise. - If the sleep problems or distress continue, encourage her to see a doctor or counselor. Say it as care, not as a verdict. - If she ever mentions feeling unsafe or thoughts of hurting herself, take it seriously right away and help her reach a crisis line (988 in the U.S.) or emergency care. A short version you could say today: "Thank you for telling me. I want to support you. What would help most right now, and can we check in again next week?"

It took trust for her to tell you this. Here is how to respond. ## What to do 1. **Talk with her privately, today if you can.** Start with: "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." 2. **Listen first.** Let her say as much or as little as she wants. She does not need to retell the client's story, and you don't need the details. 3. **Normalize it without labeling it.** Try: "That sounds really hard. Many people in this work go through this. You're not doing anything wrong." 4. **Ask what would help.** Try: "What would make this week more manageable?" Offer real options, such as a lighter caseload, a schedule change, time off, or a quiet hour. 5. **Point her to support.** Offer your employee assistance program, a counselor, or her own doctor, especially for the sleep problems. Give her the contact details in writing. 6. **Set a follow-up.** Say: "Can we check in again on [day]?" Then do it. ## What not to say - "You'll get used to it." - "You need to toughen up." - "Tell me exactly what happened." (Don't ask for client details.) - "Everything you tell me stays between us." (Don't promise confidentiality you may not be able to keep.) Don't diagnose her or guess what she is experiencing. Describe what you've noticed and ask what she needs. ## If she says she feels unsafe or may hurt herself 1. If she is in immediate danger, call **911**. 2. Stay with her. Call or text **988** (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) together. 3. Call your own supervisor or on-call contact. ## Afterward - Keep what she shared private. Share it only with the people who need to know to support her. - Note the support you offered and the follow-up date, as your policy requires. Leave out personal details. **Support numbers** - Emergency: 911 - 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 - Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741

Start by listening. She has already done the hard part by telling you. **What to say** 1. "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." 2. "What you're feeling makes sense. This work is hard, and it's okay that it's staying with you." 3. "You're not in trouble, and this doesn't affect your standing here." 4. "What would help most right now? Let's work it out together." **What to do in the conversation** 1. Find a private place and give her your full attention. 2. Let her talk. Don't ask for details of the client's story. She doesn't need to repeat it, and it can make things harder. 3. Offer a few concrete options and let her choose: - Time off, or a lighter caseload for a week or two - A check-in with you in a few days - Your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or a counselor - Time with a trusted colleague or peer support, if you have it 4. Agree on one next step before you finish, and set a time to follow up. **What not to do** 1. Don't diagnose her or tell her what she is experiencing. 2. Don't offer quick fixes like "just try to switch off" or "you'll get used to it." 3. Don't try to solve everything in one conversation. 4. Don't share what she told you with others unless she agrees. 5. Don't share or ask for identifying details about the client. **Ask directly about safety** If she says anything about hurting herself, or not wanting to be here, stay with her and get help right away. Ask her plainly. Asking does not make it worse. **After the conversation** 1. Note that you spoke and what you agreed to do. Leave out the client's story. 2. Follow up when you said you would. 3. If trouble sleeping continues for more than a couple of weeks, encourage her to see a health care provider or counselor. **Who to call** - Emergency, or immediate danger: **911** - Crisis support, call or text: **988** - Crisis Text Line: text **HOME** to **741741** - Your EAP: [add number]

Start by taking it seriously and responding with warmth—not by problem-solving too fast. Find a private moment and say something like: > “Thank you for telling me. I’m really glad you did. It makes sense that a client’s story is staying with you—this work can affect people deeply, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing or not coping. You don’t need to tell me the client’s details. I want to understand what support would help you this week.” Then ask a few practical questions: - “Are you feeling safe right now?” - “What’s happening with sleep—can’t get to sleep, waking up, replaying things?” - “Is this affecting your ability to work safely today?” - “Would it help to step away from this client’s case temporarily, get a debrief/supervision, or speak to the EAP/occupational health service?” - “What can I take off your plate today or this week?” What to offer/do next: - Normalise it: “This sounds like a stress/trauma exposure response, and it’s important we respond to it.” - Don’t ask her to recount the client’s story to you. Route case debriefing to a trained clinical supervisor, peer supporter, or EAP—not an untrained manager. - Offer practical adjustments: reduced caseload, temporary reassignment from that client if appropriate, a break, flexible start/finish, or cover for today. - Make sure she knows about EAP/occupational health/GP and encourage her to seek help if sleep problems continue or she feels unsafe. - Agree a follow-up: “Let’s check in tomorrow morning—not to monitor you, but to see what support is working.” - Keep her disclosure as private as possible and share only on a need-to-know basis to get her support. Avoid saying: “Try not to think about it,” “You need to leave it at work,” “You have to be resilient,” or “This is part of the job.” Those minimise what she’s experiencing. If she seems acutely distressed, exhausted to the point of being unsafe, or expresses thoughts of harming herself or others, treat it as a safety issue: stay with her, arrange cover, and help her contact crisis/emergency support or a trusted person.

Start with empathy, normalize the reaction, and move quickly to practical support. You don’t need to ask for details of the client’s story—focus on how she is doing and what she needs. **Say something like:** > “Thank you for telling me—I’m really glad you did. That sounds very distressing, and it makes sense that a client’s story is staying with you. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or not coping with your job. I want to make sure you’re supported. You don’t need to give me the details of the client’s story. Can I ask how you’re doing right now—are you safe, and are you getting any sleep at all?” Then offer concrete options: > “Would it help if I connected you with [EAP / occupational health / clinical supervision / a trusted supervisor]? We can also look at your workload or client contact for the next few days and set a check-in tomorrow. If the sleep problems continue, or if you ever feel unsafe, please contact your GP or the EAP—and if you’re in crisis, use emergency services. What would be most helpful from me today?” **Do:** - Listen without probing for client details. - Normalize vicarious trauma/compassion fatigue without diagnosing her. - Ask about immediate safety and sleep. - Offer a trained debrief/supervision, not just an informal chat with you. - Adjust workload temporarily if possible—cover, reduced complex cases, no late note-writing, breaks after difficult sessions. - Agree a follow-up time, e.g. “I’ll check in with you tomorrow afternoon.” - Respect confidentiality and only share on a need-to-know basis. - If she discloses risk of self-harm or crisis, follow your emergency/safeguarding protocol immediately. **Avoid saying:** - “Don’t take it home.” - “You need to be more resilient.” - “Just try to switch off.” - “At least it wasn’t worse.” - Asking her to retell the client’s story in detail. A good short version is: **“Thank you for telling me. This is a normal reaction to difficult work, and I want to help you get proper support and adjust things so you’re not carrying it alone. How are you doing right now, and what would be most helpful today?”**

Say it privately and soon, not in a hallway. Keep it short and concrete. **What to say:** > “Thank you for telling me. That sounds really hard, and I’m glad you said something. You don’t have to share the client’s details with me. What would help most today—a break, a lighter schedule this afternoon, a debrief with [clinical supervisor/EAP/peer support], or time to call EAP? I’m not a therapist, but I can help you get connected. Let’s check in tomorrow. If this keeps affecting your sleep, please talk with your doctor or EAP—and I’ll support whatever time you need for that.” Then ask one safety question if she seems very distressed: > “Are you safe to get home today?” **Also do:** - Offer a specific adjustment, not just “let me know if you need anything.” - Protect her privacy; don’t ask her to retell the client’s story. - Set a follow-up time. - Know your EAP, clinical supervision, and leave options before the conversation. **Avoid:** - “You’re too sensitive.” - “Leave it at work.” - “That’s just part of the job.” - “You need to be resilient.” - Making her feel diagnosed or judged. The message is: *I believe you, this work can affect people, you don’t have to carry it alone, and here are concrete supports.*

Say it privately and soon. Lead with acknowledgment, then offer concrete choices. Do not ask for the client’s details, and do not treat her reaction as a performance problem. A script you can use: > “Thank you for telling me. I’m glad you did. Hearing a client’s story can stay with you and affect sleep—that’s a real occupational exposure, not a personal failing. I don’t need you to share the client’s details with me. What would help most right now: a break today, a lighter schedule this week, a debrief with [supervisor/EAP], or time to call EAP? I can protect that time and get you the number. Let’s check in tomorrow and again on [day].” Then do three things: 1. **Offer choices, not a lecture.** Time, workload adjustment, a debrief, EAP, or a referral to a clinician. 2. **Follow up.** “How are you sleeping?” is a fair check-in question. If distress continues or she feels unsafe, help her connect to professional support. 3. **Don’t say** “leave it at work,” “you’re too sensitive,” or “self-care will fix it.” Those shift the problem onto her. Adjust the workload and access to support where you can. If you’re worried about immediate safety, ask directly: “Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself?” If yes, connect her to crisis support right away.

## Say this Keep it short and direct. You're not counseling her — you're making it safe to say the true thing and giving her a next step. > "I'm glad you told me. Thank you for saying it out loud. > > What you're describing is common in this work. Hearing about someone's pain stays with you, and it can follow you home. It doesn't mean you're bad at your job or that something is wrong with you. > > I don't need the details of the case. I want to know how you're doing and what would help this week. > > Here's what I can do: [EAP / counseling benefit — give the number], [adjust her schedule or caseload for a few days], and I'll check in with you on [day]. > > The not sleeping is worth taking seriously. If it keeps going, please talk to your doctor or a counselor. That's not an overreaction. > > What would help most right now?" Then stop talking and let her answer. ## What helps - **Don't ask her to retell the story.** She's already carrying it. Asking for details makes you another person she has to manage. - **Name it as an occupational exposure, not a personal weakness.** People who hear trauma as part of their job are affected by it. That's the design of the work, not a flaw in her. - **Offer something concrete and small.** A lighter caseload for a week, a later start, a covered shift. Concrete beats "let me know if you need anything." - **Follow up on the day you said you would.** One conversation that ends in silence reads as "don't bring this up again." - **Keep it private.** Tell her who you'll inform and why, if anyone. Don't promise confidentiality you can't keep. - **Check yourself too.** If you're the one she told, you're carrying it now as well. ## What to avoid - "You need to build resilience" or "this is why we do self-care." - Diagnosing her — don't say she has PTSD, burnout, or compassion fatigue. - "That's just the job." It's true that the work is hard. It's not a reason to leave her alone with it. - Making it about the client's needs instead of hers. She can care about the client and still need relief. ## Resources Give her these, and keep them for yourself: - **Employee assistance program or counseling benefit** — [your number here] - **988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline** — call or text 988 - **Crisis Text Line** — text HOME to 741741 If she ever tells you she's having thoughts of harming herself, treat it as urgent: stay with her, help her call 988 or 911, and don't leave her alone. After the conversation, write a short note for yourself about what you offered and when you'll follow up. If this is happening to more than one person on the team, that's a signal about caseload and supervision, not about individual staff.

**Start with this, today, in private** > "Thank you for telling me. What you're describing makes sense after what you heard. Let's figure out what you need this week." Then listen more than you talk. ## Steps 1. **Make time today.** Fifteen minutes, private, no interruptions. Ask open questions: "What's been happening at night?" "What's the hardest part right now?" Let her answer without interpreting it. 2. **Name it plainly, without diagnosing.** "Hearing what a client has been through can stay with you. It affects sleep and focus for a lot of people who do this work." Do not label her — not "burnout," not "vicarious trauma," not "you're struggling." She may not want a category. She wants to be believed. 3. **Offer choices for this week.** Stepping back from that client for now, a lighter caseload, a later start, a check-in tomorrow. Let her pick. Do not decide for her, and do not leave it at "let me know if you need anything." 4. **Point to real support.** Your organization's EAP if you have one, her own supervisor, a therapist. Offer to help her make the call, or to cover her shift so she can. Concrete help beats a list of phone numbers. 5. **Set a follow-up time before she leaves the room.** Tomorrow, or within a few days. Put it in both calendars. Open-ended concern gets dropped. 6. **Protect the client's privacy.** She can talk about how the story affected her without naming the client or repeating details. Ask her not to retell it to colleagues. Say why: the client didn't consent to that. 7. **If she mentions not wanting to be here, or thoughts of harming herself, treat it as urgent.** Stay with her. Help her call 988, or 911 if she is in immediate danger. Do not leave her alone and do not handle it yourself. ## What not to do - Don't say "you need to be resilient," "this is part of the job," or "take a mental health day" as the whole answer. - Don't ask her to describe the client's story. You don't need the details to help her. - Don't promise confidentiality you can't keep. - Don't wait for her to raise it again. ## Afterward Check whether other staff who heard the same story are affected. Consider what supervision or debriefing your team has for hard cases — if the answer is "none," that's the next thing to fix. **Crisis support, for her or for you:** 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988). Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741). 911 if anyone is in immediate danger.

Your staff member is likely experiencing **secondary traumatic stress** or **vicarious trauma**. This is a very common, human response when working with people in distress, but it is a serious sign that her nervous system is overloaded. When you speak with her, your goals are to **validate her feelings**, **remove any shame**, and **provide immediate relief/support**. Here is a guide on what to say and how to handle the conversation: --- ### 1. What to Say in the Moment (Scripts) **First, validate and normalize her reaction:** > *"Thank you so much for telling me. I know it can be hard to admit when work is affecting you like this, but I am really glad you spoke up. What you’re feeling is a completely normal, human reaction to hearing something painful. It doesn’t mean you aren't cut out for this work; it means your empathy is working, but your system is overloaded."* **Acknowledge the physical toll (the sleep):** > *"Not sleeping is a clear sign your brain is having trouble processing this on its own. We need to take that seriously. You don’t have to carry this alone."* **Focus on her, not the client’s details:** *(Avoid asking her to recount the horrific details of the story, as retelling trauma can re-trigger the stress response.)* > *"We don't need to go over the details of the client's story right now—I want to focus on you. How are you feeling right in this moment? What does your body need right now?"* --- ### 2. Immediate Actions You Can Offer Don't just offer sympathy; offer **concrete, practical relief**: * **Offer immediate space:** > *"Do you want to take an hour off your desk right now? Go for a walk, grab a tea, or just sit quietly?"* * **Adjust her workload today:** > *"Let’s look at your calendar for today and tomorrow. What can we move, reschedule, or hand off to someone else so you have breathing room?"* * **Discuss the specific case:** > *"Would it help to reassign this client, or at least have a co-worker step in to co-manage the case with you for a bit?"* (Ensure she knows this is protection, not a punishment or a demotion). --- ### 3. Connect Her to Resources * **EAP / Counseling:** If your company has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), give her the direct phone number or link. > *"We have our EAP, which provides free, confidential sessions. Would you be open to talking to a professional who specializes in secondary trauma?"* * **Clinical Supervision:** If your field involves regular debriefing (like social work, healthcare, or law), set up a formal debriefing session with a trained supervisor. --- ### 4. What NOT to Say * **Don't minimize it:** Avoid saying things like *"You'll get used to it,"* *"You have to develop a thicker skin,"* or *"That's just part of the job."* * **Don't ask for the graphic details:** If you need case details for operational reasons, read the case notes yourself rather than having her verbally relive it. * **Don't compare:** Avoid sharing a time *you* heard a worse story. Keep the focus entirely on her experience. --- ### 5. Follow Up Secondary trauma doesn't disappear after one conversation. * At the end of the day, check in: *"Just wanted to see how you're feeling before you head home. Please try to disconnect tonight."* * In two or three days: *"How has your sleep been the last couple of nights? Are the thoughts still intruding during your off hours?"* By responding with empathy rather than evaluation, you will build trust and help prevent her from burning out or suffering long-term psychological harm.

This is a classic sign of **secondary traumatic stress** or **vicarious trauma**. It is a normal human response to heavy work, but it requires immediate, compassionate intervention. Your goal right now is to **validate her feelings**, **relieve immediate pressure**, and **connect her to support**—without acting as her therapist. Here is a step-by-step guide on what to say and do. --- ### 1. What to Say in the Moment (Scripts) **First, validate and remove shame:** > *"Thank you so much for trusting me enough to tell me this. First and foremost, you are human, and it makes complete sense that hearing that story impacted you this way. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way, but we need to take care of you right now."* **Second, take the pressure off:** > *"You do not have to carry this alone, and you don’t have to just 'push through' it. Your well-being comes first, before any task or client today."* **Third, assess immediate needs:** > *"How are you feeling right this second? Have you eaten today? Do you feel like you can safely finish out the day doing light, administrative tasks, or do you need to head home to rest?"* --- ### 2. Immediate Actions You Should Take * **Temporarily reassign or pause the case:** Do not let her interact with this client for the next few days, and possibly permanently. * *Say:* *"I am going to step in and take over communication with this client for now [or assign it to X]. You are off this case for the time being so you have room to breathe."* * **Send her home if possible:** Lack of sleep combined with acute stress makes working counterproductive and unsafe. If she has PTO/sick time, encourage her to use it. If company policy allows discretionary leave, grant it. * **Normalize the phenomenon:** Name it for what it is. * *Say:* *"In our line of work, we call this vicarious trauma. Your brain is processing someone else's trauma as if it's your own. It is very real, but it is also treatable and manageable with the right tools."* --- ### 3. Connect Her to Professional Support You are her manager, not her clinician. You can provide workplace accommodations, but she needs professional support to process the trauma. * **Offer your EAP (Employee Assistance Program):** If your organization has one, pull up the phone number and hand it to her directly. * *Say:* *"Our EAP offers [X] free, completely confidential sessions with a licensed counselor who specializes in processing these exact situations. Can I help you call them, or sit with you while you look at the intake form?"* * **Provide external resources:** If you don't have an EAP, encourage her to use her health insurance or look into specialized resources (e.g., local crisis lines or secondary trauma specialists). --- ### 4. What *Not* to Do/Say * **Don’t ask for details of the trauma:** Don't say, *"Tell me what the client said that upset you so much."* Having her recount the gruesome or heartbreaking details can re-trigger her, and your job is to support *her*, not analyze the client's story. * **Don't minimize it:** Avoid phrases like *"You'll get used to it,"* *"You just need tough skin in this job,"* or *"At least it didn't happen to you."* * **Don't make her feel like her job is in jeopardy:** Emphasize that reporting this is a sign of high self-awareness and professional maturity, not weakness. --- ### 5. Follow-Up (In 24–48 Hours) Check in with her tomorrow: > *"I’ve been thinking about you. How was your sleep last night? There's no pressure to jump back in; I just want to see how you're holding up."* Long-term, use this as a trigger to review workload distribution and supervision practices across your team to ensure nobody else is quietly suffering from the same issue.

Here is a straightforward way to respond in the moment, along with practical steps to support her. ### 1. What to say in the moment Start by thanking her for telling you and normalizing the impact of the work, without minimizing how hard it feels: * "Thank you for telling me. It makes complete sense that hearing that story stayed with you, but I don't want you carrying it alone." * "Secondary stress is a real and common response to this work, and sleep loss is a clear sign your system needs support right now." * "Let’s take a look at your day today. What is on your plate that we can move, pause, or hand off so you can breathe?" ### 2. Immediate practical support * **Adjust her immediate workload:** Do not just offer help—actively identify tasks you or another team member can take over for the next day or two so she is not facing high-intensity client interactions while sleep-deprived. * **Provide space to debrief:** Ask if she wants to talk through the details of the case with you or a designated clinical supervisor, or if she needs space away from the details entirely right now. * **Offer concrete resources:** Remind her of available support, such as an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), peer support networks, or external counseling benefits. Provide the contact information directly so she does not have to hunt for it. ### 3. Follow-up plan Set a specific time to check back in rather than leaving it open-ended: * "Let's check in tomorrow afternoon at 2:00 PM to see how you are feeling and see what adjustments we need to make for the rest of the week." * In the coming weeks, look at her overall caseload distribution and ensure regular debriefing is built into supervision so difficult cases are processed routinely, not just when distress peaks.

Here is a clear, supportive approach you can use right now: ### 1. Acknowledge and validate without minimizing Start by thanking her for telling you, and let her know this is an expected human response to hearing heavy stories, not a weakness or a performance issue. * **What to say:** "Thank you for telling me. It makes complete sense that you’re carrying this—hearing what our clients go through is heavy, and losing sleep over it is a very real response. I appreciate you being honest with me." ### 2. Offer immediate breathing room Give her permission to step back from that specific case or take a pause today if possible. * **What to say:** "Let’s take a look at what’s on your plate today. What can we pause, hand off, or move to next week so you have some space?" ### 3. Focus on boundaries and closure for the day Help her mentally separate the client's experience from her own life outside of work. * **What to say:** "You did your job by showing up and listening, but you cannot carry the weight of their outcome alone. When you log off today, what is one thing you can do that helps you disconnect?" ### 4. Connect to concrete support Offer access to organizational resources, such as an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), clinical supervision, or peer support, without forcing a clinical diagnosis. * **What to say:** "We have our EAP [or counseling benefit/clinical supervisor], which is free and confidential. Many of us use it when a story sticks with us like this. Would it be helpful if I sent you that link?" ### 5. Follow up Set a specific time to check back in so she doesn’t feel forgotten. * **What to say:** "Let’s check in again tomorrow afternoon just to see how your night went. You don’t have to handle this on your own."

### Immediate Steps to Take Right Now 1. **Acknowledge and validate her experience.** Keep it direct and non-judgmental. You can say: *"Thank you for telling me. It makes complete sense that hearing that story is affecting you, and I am glad you brought this to me."* 2. **Reduce her immediate workload.** Step in to remove client-facing pressure for the rest of the day. You can say: *"You do not have to carry this alone today. Let's look at your calendar and take direct client contact off your plate for this afternoon."* 3. **Offer grounding choices she controls.** Give her simple, concrete options: *"Would you like to step outside for a walk, sit quietly in an open office, or focus on a low-stress administrative task for a while?"* --- ### What Not to Do Right Now - **Do not ask her to retell the client's story.** Re-narrating the details can increase distress. - **Do not analyze or diagnose her reaction.** Avoid clinical labels; treat this as an understandable human response to vicarious trauma. - **Do not try to problem-solve the client's situation.** Keep the focus entirely on supporting your staff member right now. --- ### Next Steps and Follow-Up 1. **Connect to professional support.** Offer your organization’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP) details or connect her with a clinical supervisor if one is on staff. 2. **Schedule a clear follow-up time.** Do not leave the next check-in open-ended. Say: *"Let's check in tomorrow at [time] to see how your night went and adjust your schedule for the rest of the week as needed."* 3. **Protect client privacy.** Ensure any notes about this check-in focus on staff support and workload adjustments rather than confidential client case details. --- ### Crisis and Support Resources If she or anyone is experiencing acute distress, share these free, confidential resources: - **988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline:** Call or text **988** (available 24/7) - **Crisis Text Line:** Text **HOME to 741741** (available 24/7) - **Emergency Services:** Call **911** if there is immediate physical danger

Here are immediate, concrete steps and language you can use right now. ### 1. What to say in the moment Use calm, direct words that validate what she is experiencing without asking her to repeat the story: * "Thank you for telling me. Hearing heavy stories takes a real toll, and what you’re feeling is a normal reaction to hearing something painful." * "You don't need to push through this today. Let's look at your schedule and figure out what can be moved, handed off, or paused." * "You don't have to carry this alone. Let’s make sure you have space to rest." ### 2. Immediate actions to take 1. **Lighten her immediate workload.** Offer to reassign incoming client calls, cover the rest of her shift, or let her take administrative time away from direct client contact. 2. **Do not ask her to retell the client's story.** Focus on her present physical and emotional state, not the details of the case. 3. **Connect her to professional support.** Remind her of your organization's Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or mental health coverage if available. 4. **Schedule a check-in.** Set a specific time tomorrow or early next week to see how she is sleeping and adjust her caseload if needed. ### 3. What not to do right now * **Do not minimize or compare:** Avoid phrases like "you'll get used to it" or "that happens to all of us." * **Do not pathologize her reaction:** Frame this as a common impact of secondary trauma, not a lack of resilience or a professional shortcoming. * **Do not try to debrief the case right now:** Long-term case review or root-cause problem-solving can wait until she is rested. --- ### Resources to share with her * **Employee Assistance Program (EAP):** [Insert your organization's EAP number or portal link] * **988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline:** Call or text **988** (available 24/7, free, and confidential for anyone experiencing distress) * **Crisis Text Line:** Text **HOME** to **741741** (free, 24/7 confidential support via text) * **If there is immediate physical danger:** Call **911**

When an employee comes to you with this, they are experiencing the early stages of **vicarious trauma** (or secondary traumatic stress). The fact that she told you is a huge testament to your leadership—it means she feels psychologically safe with you. Your goal in this conversation is to **validate, normalize, de-escalate, and create boundaries**—without becoming her therapist. Here is a step-by-step guide on what to say to her right now. ### 1. Validate and Thank Her (Immediate Response) First, make sure she knows she isn’t failing at her job by feeling this way. * **Say this:** *"Thank you so much for telling me this. I am really glad you didn’t try to just push through it alone. First, I want you to know that having this reaction doesn't mean you are bad at your job—it means you are human, and you have a high capacity for empathy."* ### 2. Normalize the Experience When people can’t sleep because of a client's story, their brain is trying to process a threat. Let her know this is a known occupational hazard, not a personal flaw. * **Say this:** *"What that client went through is really heavy, and it makes complete sense that your brain is having a hard time filing it away. In our line of work, it is completely normal for a specific story to bypass our armor and really stick with us."* ### 3. Offer a Quick "Debrief" (To get it out of her head) Sometimes, just saying the intrusive thoughts out loud helps the brain stop looping them. Be careful to focus on *her* reaction, not just re-hashing the client's trauma. * **Say this:** *"Without feeling like you have to relive the whole thing, is there a specific part of the story that is looping in your head? Sometimes just speaking it out loud to someone else who understands the context can help take the power out of it."* ### 4. Help Her Separate Her Role from the Outcome Usually, sleeplessness comes from a subconscious feeling of responsibility—feeling like she needs to "save" the client or fix the unfixable. Remind her of the boundaries of her role. * **Say this:** *"I want to remind you of the boundaries of your role here. You cannot undo what happened to this client, and it is not your job to carry their pain for them. You showed up, you listened, and you did your part. Now, we have to let the rest of the system/process do its part. You are allowed to put this down."* ### 5. Create an Immediate Action Plan (Practical Relief) Lack of sleep makes emotional regulation impossible. You need to give her immediate, practical support so she can rest. * **Say this:** *"Your well-being is more important than your to-do list. Let's look at your week."* * **Offer options:** * *"How would you feel about taking tomorrow (or this afternoon) off as a mental health day to just reset and catch up on sleep?"* * *"Let's temporarily transfer this client (or take you off high-trauma intakes) for the next week so you can get some breathing room."* * *"What is your transition ritual when you leave work today? How can we signal to your brain at 5:00 PM that you are off the clock?"* (Suggest a physical change, like immediately changing clothes, taking a shower, or taking a different route home). ### 6. Point to Professional Resources As her manager, you can support her work life, but a professional can help her process the trauma. * **Say this:** *"Because this is affecting your sleep, I also want to gently remind you about our EAP (Employee Assistance Program) / therapy benefits. Talking to someone who specializes in secondary stress can give you some really good tools to get your sleep back on track."* ### What to AVOID saying: * *“You just can’t take your work home with you.”* (If she knew how to do that right now, she would. This sounds dismissive.) * *“You’ll get used to it/build a thicker skin.”* (This encourages numbness and leads to burnout.) * *“At least it didn't happen to you.”* (This induces guilt and invalidates her nervous system's very real reaction.) **Follow-up:** Make sure you check in with her in two days. A simple, *"Hey, how has your sleep been the last couple of nights?"* will show her that you genuinely care and are still keeping an eye on her capacity.

This is a critical moment for you as a manager. What your staff member is experiencing is a very common—and very real—occupational hazard in helping professions, often referred to as **vicarious trauma** or **secondary traumatic stress**. The fact that she told you means she trusts you. Your goal right now is to **validate her feelings, normalize the experience, help her create boundaries, and offer tangible support.** Here is a step-by-step guide on what to say to her, broken down by what you need to accomplish in the conversation. ### 1. Validate and Normalize (Remove the shame) Sometimes staff feel like they are "bad at their jobs" or "too weak" if a story gets to them. Reassure her immediately that this happens because she is good at her job, not because she is failing. * **What to say:** *"Thank you so much for telling me. First, I want you to know that having this reaction doesn't mean you aren't cut out for this work—it just means you are an empathetic human being. What that client went through is deeply upsetting, and it makes complete sense that your brain is having a hard time processing it."* * **If applicable, share briefly:** *"I’ve had cases that followed me home and kept me up at night, too. It is a really heavy part of the job that we all experience at some point."* ### 2. Offer a Safe Space to Debrief (Contain the story) When we ruminate on a story at night, it's often because we are carrying it alone. Let her offload some of the weight onto you, while keeping it contained to the office. * **What to say:** *"Do you want to talk through what’s sticking with you about their story right now? Sometimes just saying the worst parts out loud to someone else helps take the power out of it, so you aren't carrying it all by yourself."* ### 3. Help Her Separate "Empathy" from "Responsibility" Help her mentally separate the client's life from her own. Remind her of the boundaries of her role. * **What to say:** *"You are doing everything you can for this client within the bounds of your role. Remind yourself tonight that right now, in this moment, the client is safe [if true], and carrying their pain at 2:00 AM doesn't take the pain away from them—it just depletes you. You need rest so you can keep doing this work."* ### 4. Suggest Practical "Off-Ramping" Strategies Give her a tangible way to signal to her brain that the workday is over. * **What to say:** *"Since your brain is stuck in 'work mode' with this client, we need to find a way to help you transition at the end of the day. Tonight, before you leave, try writing down the client's name or the thoughts you're having on a piece of paper, locking it in your desk drawer, and telling yourself, 'I am leaving this here for the night. I will pick it back up at 9:00 AM.' When you get home, change out of your work clothes immediately and take a shower to literally wash the day off."* ### 5. Offer Tangible Managerial Support Words are great, but action shows you truly care about her wellbeing. Look at her current workload and see where you can relieve pressure. * **What to say:** * *"How can I support you with your caseload this week? Can we shift you to some lighter administrative tasks for a day or two to give your brain a break?"* * *"Would it be helpful if I stepped in to co-manage this client with you for a little while, so you aren't the sole point of contact?"* * *"If you get another night of no sleep, I want you to take a mental health day tomorrow. Sleep is non-negotiable."* ### 6. Point to Professional Resources (EAP) If your organization has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or counseling benefits, gently remind her of them. * **What to say:** *"I am always here to debrief with you, but I also want to remind you about our EAP. They have counselors who specialize in helping people process secondary trauma. I can print out the number for you if you'd like."* ### What to AVOID saying: * *“You just need to develop a thicker skin.”* (Dismissive) * *“You can’t take your work home with you.”* (She knows this; she just doesn't know *how* right now.) * *“Well, at least it’s not happening to you.”* (Induces guilt.) **Follow up:** Make a note to check in with her in two days. A simple, *"Hey, how did you sleep last night? Still thinking about you,"* will make her feel immensely supported.

The most important thing to do right now is thank her for telling you, let her know her reaction is normal, and take something off her plate so she can rest. Here is what you can say, broken down by what she needs to hear in this moment. **1. Validate and normalize her reaction** Let her know she isn't failing at her job by feeling this way. > "Thank you for telling me. What you're experiencing is a really normal response to hearing something that heavy. It makes sense that it’s staying with you, and you didn't do anything wrong by letting it affect you." **2. Separate her responsibility from the client's life** Remind her of the boundaries of her role without minimizing how much she cares. > "You are doing good, important work alongside this person, and you provided a safe space for them to share. Now, it's my job to make sure you have support too. You don't have to carry this story alone." **3. Offer immediate, concrete relief** When someone isn't sleeping, vague offers like "let me know what you need" are hard to answer. Give her specific options she can just say "yes" to. > "Sleep has to come first right now. Let's look at your schedule for the rest of the week. Would it help to take tomorrow off to rest, or can I reassign a couple of your intake appointments so you have some breathing room?" **4. Connect her to professional support** Point her toward resources that are equipped for secondary stress, without making her feel like she is being diagnosed. > "I also want to make sure you have someone to talk this through with outside of work. Do you have the number for our Employee Assistance Program (EAP), or a counselor you trust? I can pull that information up for you right now if you want." **5. Set a check-in** End by letting her know you will follow up, so she knows the conversation isn't just a one-time check of a box. > "Let's check back in on Thursday morning just to see how your sleep is going and if we need to adjust your caseload for next week." **A few things to avoid in the conversation:** * **Avoid asking her to retell the client's story in detail.** Rehashing the graphic details can make the insomnia and stress worse for her (and pass it on to you). Focus on how *she* is feeling, not what happened to the client. * **Avoid praising her for "sacrificing" her wellbeing.** Telling staff they are heroes for losing sleep over the work accidentally rewards burnout. Frame rest as part of doing the job well.

Here are a few ways you can respond, along with the steps to take during the conversation. **1. Start by thanking her and validating her reaction.** Let her know right away that she is not in trouble and that her reaction makes sense. Secondary stress is a normal occupational hazard of this work, not a personal failing. * **"Thank you for telling me. I’m really glad you didn't keep this to yourself."** * **"What you heard was heavy, and it makes complete sense that you are still carrying it. Taking this home doesn't mean you aren't good at your job."** **2. Shift the focus to immediate rest and boundaries.** When someone isn't sleeping, the immediate priority is helping their nervous system reset. Give her explicit permission to step back. * **"Your well-being comes first right now. Let’s look at your schedule for the next couple of days and see what we can take off your plate."** * **"Do you need to take tomorrow off to rest? I can cover your check-ins so you can get some space from this."** **3. Offer concrete support without forcing her to relive the details.** Sometimes talking through the story again right away makes it harder to sleep. Offer options so she can choose what feels most helpful. * **"We don't have to talk through the details of the client's situation right now unless you want to. What feels like the best support for you today?"** * **"Remember that we have [name of EAP, clinical supervision, or counseling benefit], and it’s completely confidential. Would it help if I sent you that contact information?"** **4. Share the weight of the case.** People often lose sleep because they feel solely responsible for a client's outcome. Remind her that the organization holds the work together. * **"You don't have to carry this case alone. Let's look at how we can co-manage this or bring in another team member so the weight isn't all on you."** **5. Set a time to check back in.** End the conversation with a clear plan so she knows you are still paying attention. * **"Let's check back in on [Day] to see how you're sleeping and decide if we need to adjust your caseload for a bit."**

Thank her for telling you right away, let her know that this reaction makes sense given the weight of the work, and give her a clear plan to step back and get support. You can say something like this: *** "Thank you for telling me. Hearing heavy stories takes a real toll, and it makes complete sense that this one is staying with you. You don't have to carry it by yourself. Let’s look at your schedule for the rest of the week. If you want to pause taking on new intakes or hand off a few tasks for the next couple of days, we can do that. If you'd like to take a day or two off to rest, we will cover your caseload. You get to choose what feels most helpful right now. I also want to make sure you have support outside of work. Here is the number for our Employee Assistance Program [insert EAP number], which offers free, confidential counseling. Let's also check in again on [Day] so you can tell me how you're sleeping and what adjustments we should make for next week." *** **A few things to keep in mind during the conversation:** 1. **Offer specific choices, not open-ended homework.** When someone hasn't been sleeping, "Let me know how I can help" is hard to answer. Give her two or three concrete options (taking tomorrow off, shifting administrative duties, pausing new intakes) and let her pick. 2. **Keep the focus off the client's details.** You do not need to re-hash the client's story for her to feel supported. Validating her exhaustion without reviewing the traumatic details helps her nervous system settle. 3. **Write down the resources.** Hand her the EAP phone number or clinical supervision contact info on paper or in a direct message so she doesn't have to go looking for it when she is tired. 4. **Crisis support (if needed):** If she is in acute distress right now, remind her that free, confidential support is also available 24/7 by calling or texting **988** (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or texting **HOME to 741741** (Crisis Text Line).

Start by thanking her for telling you and letting her know that this is a common response to hearing difficult stories, not a personal failing. Your goal right now is to listen, normalize what she is experiencing, and give her concrete options for support and workload adjustments. **What you can say right now** * **Normalize and validate:** "Thank you for telling me. What you're describing happens to many of us in this work. Carrying a heavy story home doesn't mean you aren't good at your job—it means you are paying attention to something really hard." * **Check in on today:** "Let's look at your schedule for the rest of the week. You don't have to push through this alone." * **Offer choices, not mandates:** "Would it feel helpful to take a day or two off, or would you prefer to shift onto administrative work for a few days so you aren't doing direct intake?" **Next steps to offer her** Give her clear options she can choose from, rather than assigning a fix: 1. **Workload adjustment:** Offer to reassign high-intensity tasks or pause new intakes for a set period, or let her take paid time off if available. 2. **Reflective supervision:** Set aside time to talk through the specific case boundaries together, focusing on what is within her role and what is outside her control. 3. **Professional support:** Remind her of your organization's Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or counseling benefits, and share the contact information in writing after you talk so she doesn't have to ask for it again. 4. **Clear end-of-day routines:** Ask if there is anything you can change about how her workday ends (such as not scheduling difficult meetings in the last hour of the day). **What to avoid** * **Don't ask her to retell the client's story in detail.** Going back through the graphic details can make the sleep disruption worse for her and transfer the weight to you. Focus on how *she* is doing, not the specifics of the client's trauma. * **Don't diagnose or play clinician.** Keep your role as a supportive supervisor and point her toward professional care if the sleep disruption continues. * **Don't frame self-care as homework.** Instead of telling her what to do at home tonight, focus on what you can adjust in her workday tomorrow. **Follow-up** Put a 15-minute check-in on the calendar for two or three days from now so she knows she doesn't have to bring it up a second time to get continued support. If she needs someone to talk to outside of work hours, she can also use free, confidential support resources at any time: * **988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline:** Call or text 988 * **Crisis Text Line:** Text HOME to 741741

*Disclaimer: I am an AI, not a licensed mental health professional or HR expert. If your employee is in crisis or your company has a specific clinical supervision protocol, please follow those guidelines first.* What your staff member is experiencing is likely **vicarious trauma** or **compassion fatigue**. When a professional absorbs the emotional pain of a client to the point that it interferes with their personal life (like sleep), it is a sign that their "emotional cup" is overflowing. Here is a guide on how to handle this conversation with empathy and professional boundaries. ### 1. Immediate Response: Validate and Normalize The most important first step is to ensure she doesn't feel "weak" or "unprofessional" for feeling this way. If she feels shame, she will stop telling you when she is struggling, which leads to burnout. **What to say:** * *"Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this. First, I want you to know that this is a very normal reaction to the kind of heavy work we do. It shows that you are empathetic and invested, but it also tells me that this case is taking a toll on you."* * *"It sounds like you're carrying a lot of this client's burden home with you. That is an exhausting place to be, and I'm glad you brought it up now so we can support you."* ### 2. Assess the Immediate Need Determine if she needs a momentary break or a systemic change in her workload. **What to ask:** * *"How long has this been affecting your sleep?"* * *"Do you feel like you have the capacity to continue with this client right now, or do we need to look at adjusting your caseload or providing some temporary coverage?"* * *"What does your 'wind-down' routine look like right now? Are you able to mentally 'leave' the office, or is the story following you home?"* ### 3. Provide Actionable Support Validation is great, but she needs a path toward relief. Offer a mix of professional and personal strategies. **Professional Support:** * **Supervision/Debriefing:** *"Would it be helpful to set up a dedicated debriefing session where we can walk through the specifics of this case and 'deposit' those feelings here at work rather than taking them home?"* * **Case Review:** *"Let's look at the case together. Sometimes breaking the problem down into actionable steps helps the brain stop looping on the tragedy and start focusing on the solution."* **Personal Support:** * **EAP/Counseling:** *"I want to remind you that we have [Employee Assistance Program/Insurance benefits]. Talking to a therapist who specializes in vicarious trauma can provide you with tools to create a 'mental firewall' between work and home."* * **The "Ritual" Suggestion:** Suggest a physical transition ritual (e.g., changing clothes immediately upon getting home, a specific playlist for the drive, or writing a "brain dump" list before leaving the office). ### 4. The "Managerial" Follow-Up Once the emotional conversation is over, you must monitor the situation to prevent full burnout. * **Check-in:** Set a calendar reminder to check in with her in 3–5 days. *"I'm going to check in with you on Thursday just to see if your sleep has improved."* * **Model Boundaries:** If you are also struggling or have struggled in the past, share a brief example of how you handle it. This removes the stigma. ### Summary Checklist for the Conversation: - [ ] **Listen** without trying to "fix" the client's story immediately. - [ ] **Validate** that vicarious trauma is a professional hazard, not a personal failure. - [ ] **Offer** a debriefing session or a temporary workload adjustment. - [ ] **Direct** her toward professional mental health resources (EAP). - [ ] **Schedule** a follow-up.

*Disclaimer: I am an AI, not a licensed mental health professional or HR expert. If your employee is in crisis or your company has a specific clinical supervision protocol, please follow those guidelines first.* What your staff member is experiencing is likely **vicarious trauma** or **compassion fatigue**. When a professional absorbs the emotional pain of a client to the point that it interferes with their personal life (like sleep), it is a sign that their "emotional cup" is overflowing. Here is a guide on how to handle this conversation with empathy and professional boundaries. ### 1. Immediate Response: Validate and Normalize The most important first step is to ensure she doesn't feel "weak" or "unprofessional" for feeling this way. If she feels shame, she will stop telling you when she is struggling, which leads to burnout. **What to say:** * *"Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this. First, I want you to know that this is a very normal reaction to the kind of heavy work we do. It shows that you are empathetic and invested, but it also tells me that this case is taking a toll on you."* * *"It sounds like you're carrying a lot of this client's burden home with you. That is an exhausting place to be, and I'm glad you brought it up now so we can support you."* ### 2. Assess the Immediate Need Determine if she needs a momentary break or a systemic change in her workload. **What to ask:** * *"How long has this been affecting your sleep?"* * *"Do you feel like you have the capacity to continue with this client right now, or do we need to look at adjusting your caseload or providing some temporary coverage?"* * *"What does your 'wind-down' routine look like right now? Are you able to mentally 'leave' the office, or is the story following you home?"* ### 3. Provide Actionable Support Validation is great, but she needs a path toward relief. Offer a mix of professional and personal strategies. **Professional Support:** * **Supervision/Debriefing:** *"Would it be helpful to set up a dedicated debriefing session where we can walk through the specifics of this case and 'deposit' those feelings here at work rather than taking them home?"* * **Case Review:** *"Let's look at the case together. Sometimes breaking the problem down into actionable steps helps the brain stop looping on the tragedy and start focusing on the solution."* **Personal Support:** * **EAP/Counseling:** *"I want to remind you that we have [Employee Assistance Program/Insurance benefits]. Talking to a therapist who specializes in vicarious trauma can provide you with tools to create a 'mental firewall' between work and home."* * **The "Ritual" Suggestion:** Suggest a physical transition ritual (e.g., changing clothes immediately upon getting home, a specific playlist for the drive, or writing a "brain dump" list before leaving the office). ### 4. The "Managerial" Follow-Up Once the emotional conversation is over, you must monitor the situation to prevent full burnout. * **Check-in:** Set a calendar reminder to check in with her in 3–5 days. *"I'm going to check in with you on Thursday just to see if your sleep has improved."* * **Model Boundaries:** If you are also struggling or have struggled in the past, share a brief example of how you handle it. This removes the stigma. ### Summary Checklist for the Conversation: - [ ] **Listen** without trying to "fix" the client's story immediately. - [ ] **Validate** that vicarious trauma is a professional hazard, not a personal failure. - [ ] **Offer** a debriefing session or a temporary workload adjustment. - [ ] **Direct** her toward professional mental health resources (EAP). - [ ] **Schedule** a follow-up.

It sounds like your staff member is experiencing secondary traumatic stress or compassion fatigue. Here are a few ways to respond, depending on your relationship with her and your organization's policies: **Immediate Support** Start by validating her experience. Let her know that having a strong emotional reaction to a client's story is a common response for people doing this work. * "I can see how much this is affecting you, and I want you to know that it's a normal response to the difficult things our clients share. Thank you for being honest with me about how you're feeling." **Practical Next Steps** Offer immediate, low-pressure ways to help her disconnect or find support. * **Adjust her workload:** "Would it help to shift some of your tasks for the next few days, or take a mental health day to reset?" * **Encourage professional support:** "Do we have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or a specific counselor you'd like to connect with? I can help you find those details." * **Offer a debrief:** "If you feel it would be helpful, we can set aside some time to debrief this specific case together, or I can connect you with a supervisor who can help you process the clinical side of this." **Long-term Care** Use this as an opening to discuss sustainable boundaries. * "Let's look at your current caseload and see if we need to make any adjustments to make sure you have the space you need to take care of yourself while supporting our clients."

It sounds like your staff member is experiencing secondary traumatic stress or compassion fatigue. Here are a few ways to respond, depending on your relationship with her and your organization's policies: **Immediate Support** Start by validating her experience. Let her know that having a strong emotional reaction to a client's story is a common response for people doing this work. * "I can see how much this is affecting you, and I want you to know that it's a normal response to the difficult things our clients share. Thank you for being honest with me about how you're feeling." **Practical Next Steps** Offer immediate, low-pressure ways to help her disconnect or find support. * **Adjust her workload:** "Would it help to shift some of your tasks for the next few days, or take a mental health day to reset?" * **Encourage professional support:** "Do we have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or a specific supervisor you'd like to debrief with? I'm happy to help you connect with those resources." * **Create a boundary:** "When you leave for the day, what is one thing you can do to help your mind transition away from work? I want to make sure you have the space to rest." **Long-term Approach** Use this as an opening to discuss sustainable work habits for the whole team. * **Normalize debriefing:** Set up regular times for staff to process difficult cases in a supportive environment. * **Review boundaries:** Discuss the difference between empathy (feeling *with* someone) and emotional contagion (taking on the client's trauma as your own).

1. Acknowledge that this is a common experience for staff working with trauma (vicarious trauma) and that her reaction is a normal response to difficult work. 2. Encourage her to step away from the specific case or task for a short period today if possible. 3. Schedule a brief, supportive check-in with her as soon as you are both available to listen and validate her experience. 4. Remind her of the organization's available mental health supports, such as an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or clinical supervision. 5. Encourage her to prioritize basic needs tonight: a consistent sleep routine, hydration, and time away from screens. **What not to do right now:** - Do not try to "solve" the client's story or the case during this conversation. - Do not minimize the impact by telling her "it's part of the job." - Do not ask her to analyze her feelings in a clinical way; focus on stabilization and support. **Resources for your staff member:** - 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 - Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 **Next steps for you:** - Once she is supported, document the conversation according to your internal personnel policies. - Consider if a team-wide debrief or a review of caseloads is necessary to prevent further burnout.

1. Acknowledge that this is a common experience for staff working with trauma (vicarious trauma) and that her reaction is a normal response to difficult work. 2. Encourage her to step away from the specific case or task for a short period today if possible. 3. Schedule a brief, supportive check-in with her as soon as you are both available to listen and validate her experience. 4. Remind her of the organization's available mental health supports, such as an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or clinical supervision. 5. Encourage her to prioritize basic needs tonight: a consistent sleep routine, hydration, and time away from screens. **What not to do right now:** - Do not try to "solve" the client's story or the case during this conversation. - Do not minimize the impact by telling her "it's part of the job." - Do not ask her to analyze her feelings in a clinical way; focus on stabilization and support. **Resources for your staff member:** - 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 - Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 **Next steps for you:** - Once she is supported, document the conversation according to your internal personnel policies. - Consider if a team-wide debrief or a review of caseloads is necessary to prevent further burnout.

The fact that she told you is a good sign — it means she trusts you, and this conversation is a real opportunity. What she's describing sounds like vicarious trauma (sometimes called secondary traumatic stress), which is an extremely common and normal response to absorbing other people's difficult stories. It's not a sign she's failing at her job, and how you frame it in this conversation will matter a lot. **In the conversation itself:** - **Lead with listening, not fixing.** "Tell me more about what's been happening" or "How long has this been going on?" Let her say as much or as little as she wants before you jump to solutions. - **Normalize it.** Something like: "What you're describing is really common in this work — hearing that kind of material affects people. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you." Many people hide these symptoms out of shame or fear they'll be seen as not cut out for the job. Naming it as normal removes that fear. - **Ask what she needs rather than assuming.** "What would help right now?" The answer might be a few days off, lighter caseload, talking the case through with someone, or temporarily transferring or sharing the case. Let her choose if you can. - **Say the thing that removes the career fear.** Something like: "I'm glad you told me. This doesn't change how I see your work at all." - **Offer concrete supports.** If you have an EAP, counseling benefit, peer support, or supervision structure — mention it by name: "We have X, and using it is normal here." A vague "let me know if you need anything" puts the burden back on her. **What to avoid:** - "Just don't take it home with you" or "you'll develop a thicker skin" — well-intentioned, but invalidating. - Immediately pivoting to case strategy instead of attending to her as a person. - Making it a performance conversation, even subtly. **Afterward:** Check back in within a few days. A one-time conversation that's never mentioned again sends the message that it wasn't really okay to bring up. **One thing to watch:** if the insomnia persists for weeks, the intrusive thoughts escalate, or she starts avoiding clients or seeming hopeless, that's the point to be more active — directly encouraging counseling, or if she's in real distress, helping her get connected to support right away rather than just suggesting it. If you tell me what field you're in (social work, healthcare, legal aid, etc.), I can help you tailor the language or think through what's realistic to offer her.

The fact that she told you is a good sign—it means she trusts you, and how you respond will shape whether she (and probably others) brings this kind of thing up in the future. **Start by thanking her and validating, not fixing.** She likely feels vulnerable having said "I'm not okay" to a manager, and may be quietly wondering if it means she can't handle the job. Something like: - "Thank you for telling me. I know that's not an easy thing to bring to your boss." - "What you're describing makes complete sense. Hearing stories like that is genuinely hard—it's one of the hardest parts of this work." - "This happens to people with decades of experience. It's not a sign something's wrong with you." That last point matters more than it might seem: normalizing it as a known occupational hazard (often called vicarious trauma or secondary traumatic stress in helping professions) relieves the fear that she's failing. **Then ask, don't assume:** - "What would help right now—do you want to talk it through, or would some breathing room be better?" - "How are things feeling outside of work?" **Offer concrete support where you can:** - If you have an EAP, counseling benefits, or a peer support structure, mention it and note that plenty of people use it. Frame it as normal maintenance in this line of work, not "you need help." - If it's possible, offer practical adjustments—whether that's a chance to debrief the case with colleagues, temporarily stepping back from that client, or a lighter day. **Things to avoid:** - "You'll get used to it" or "Don't take work home"—even if well-intentioned, it lands as dismissal. - Jumping straight to solutions before she's finished talking. - Turning it into a story about you. **Follow up.** Check in again in a few days: "I've been thinking about our conversation—how are you doing?" A one-off conversation that goes nowhere can feel worse than none. If the sleeplessness and intrusive thoughts persist beyond a couple of weeks or worsen, gently encourage her to talk to a counselor or her GP—still framed as care, not alarm. One last thing worth sitting with yourself: if staff in your team regularly absorb heavy client stories, this may be a signal about the workplace, not just this person. Structured debriefs after difficult cases, training on vicarious trauma, or a culture where these check-ins are routine can prevent the next version of this conversation. You don't need the perfect words. Presence, validation, and a follow-up will carry most of the weight.

Start by acknowledging that her reaction is a normal response to hearing hard stories, not a sign she's failing at her job. Then listen. Here's a simple way in: **Name what's happening.** "Thank you for telling me. What you're feeling is a really common response to this work — it means you care about the people we serve, not that something's wrong with you." **Ask, don't fix.** "What part of the story is staying with you?" Then let her talk. Resist jumping to solutions or minimizing ("don't take it home with you" lands badly and doesn't work anyway). **Offer concrete options:** - Time and space — does she want a lighter caseload for a week, or a day off? - Debriefing — would it help to talk it through with you or a colleague, formally or informally? - Professional support — if your organization has an employee assistance program or covers counseling, say so plainly and normalize using it. **Check back.** A follow-up in a day or two matters more than the first conversation. "How are you doing with this?" shows you meant it. A few things to avoid: - Don't require her to share details she doesn't want to share. - Don't frame it as her needing to build "toughness" — that suggests the problem is her rather than the exposure. - Don't let it drop after one conversation. One more thing worth doing: if this is the first time you're hearing about it, other staff may be carrying similar weight quietly. Consider whether your team needs a regular debrief or supervision space where this kind of thing comes up before it becomes insomnia. If it's happening across the team, that's an organizational issue to solve, not an individual one. If you'd like, tell me more about your setting (shelter, healthcare, legal aid?) and I can help you draft the actual words to say to her.

What you're describing is common in this work — it's sometimes called vicarious trauma, and it's a known occupational response to hearing hard stories, not a personal weakness or a sign she's failing at her job. A few things to keep in mind when you talk with her: **What to say** - Name it plainly and without alarm: "Hearing stories like that affects people. It makes sense it's staying with you." - Ask what would help rather than assuming. She may want to talk it through, or she may just want the workload adjusted for a week. - Make clear that struggling with a client's story doesn't reflect badly on her professionalism or her fit for the work. **What to offer** - A structured debrief or supervision time to process the case, if your organization has it. If not, a dedicated one-on-one with you can serve the same purpose. - Your Employee Assistance Program or a counselor, if you have one. Frame it as a normal resource, not a referral for a problem. - A real option to step back from that case or pass it along, without penalty. **What to avoid** - Don't tell her she needs to build thicker skin or practice more self-care and leave it there. That tends to push people to hide how they're doing. - Don't document or discuss it in terms of her "burning out" or "not coping" — describe what she told you, not a label. - Don't make it a one-time conversation. Check in again in a few weeks. One more thing: if you have several staff carrying heavy caseloads like this one, that's worth looking at structurally — caseload size, debrief practices, rotation — rather than treating each person's stress as an individual issue. One person not sleeping is worth a caring conversation; several is worth a policy review. If you'd like, tell me a bit about your role and the setting, and I can help you draft the actual message or meeting outline.

This sounds like secondary traumatic stress, and it's a common response to hearing a client's story — it doesn't mean she's failing at her job. Here's a way to approach the conversation: **What to say to her:** 1. Thank her for telling you, and say plainly that her reaction makes sense. Hearing hard stories affects people who care. 2. Normalize it: this is a known occupational experience in your field, not a personal weakness. 3. Ask what she needs — time off, a temporary change in caseload, or a check-in schedule. Give her real options rather than a single directive. 4. Encourage her to use whatever support your organization offers: an Employee Assistance Program, clinical supervision, or a debrief with a supervisor or trusted colleague. **Sample script:** > "I'm glad you told me. What you're describing — not being able to stop thinking about it, the sleep — is a real thing that happens to people who do this work. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. What would help right now? I can adjust your caseload, we can set up regular check-ins, and I want you to use the EAP if that feels right. You don't have to push through this alone." **What to avoid right now:** - Don't press her to recount the client's story in detail — that can deepen the impact. - Don't frame this as a performance problem or ask her to "toughen up." - Don't promise confidentiality you can't keep, but do respect her privacy with the rest of the team. **If her distress is severe or she mentions hopelessness or thoughts of self-harm, take it seriously:** - 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 - Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741 - EAP or a licensed clinician, same day if possible Afterward, document what support was offered, follow up within a few days, and consider whether the whole team could use a debrief or supervision time — this kind of impact rarely affects only one person.

This is a common experience for people in this work, and how you respond in the next conversation matters. Here's how to handle it. ## What to say to her 1. **Thank her for telling you, and normalize it.** Something like: > "Thank you for telling me. What you're describing — not being able to stop thinking about a client's story, losing sleep — is something a lot of people in this work go through. It's not a sign you're failing. I'm glad you said something." 2. **Listen more than you talk.** Ask "What has this been like for you?" and let her share as much or as little as she wants. Don't press for details of the client's story — she doesn't need to re-live it with you, and the client's privacy matters too. 3. **Offer concrete support as choices she controls:** - A few days off, or a lighter caseload for a short period - A referral to your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or a counselor experienced with people in helping roles - Scheduled check-ins with you, so she isn't carrying it alone - Peer support, if your organization has it 4. **Give her the 988 number directly.** "If things get loud at night, or you want to talk to someone outside of work, you can call or text 988 anytime." 5. **Set a follow-up before you leave the conversation.** "Can we check in again Thursday?" Don't let this be a one-time talk. ## What not to do - Don't minimize ("everyone feels that way, you'll get used to it"). - Don't diagnose her or label what she's experiencing — leave that to a professional. - Don't frame it as a performance issue. - Don't try to solve the client's situation as a way to relieve her distress. ## When to treat it as urgent If she says anything about not wanting to be here, harming herself, or someone being in danger, stay with her and act: call or text 988 together, or 911 if there is immediate danger. ## Who to call - **988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline:** call or text 988 (24/7) - **Crisis Text Line:** text HOME to 741741 - **Your EAP or staff support program:** [number] - **Your HR or on-call supervisor contact:** [number] ## Afterward Keep what she told you confidential within the team, document the support you offered per your organization's policy, and follow up on the date you set. If her sleep doesn't improve in the next week or two, encourage her to talk with her doctor or an EAP counselor.

Start with care rather than trying to fix it. You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this has really stayed with you, and not sleeping is taking a toll. I’m glad you brought it up—you don’t have to manage this alone. You don’t need to retell the client’s story. What’s been hardest for you, and what would help you feel supported today?” Then listen, without pressing for details. A few useful next steps: - **Check how she’s functioning:** “How long has your sleep been affected? Do you feel able to work safely today, or would some time away or a change in duties help?” - **Offer concrete workplace support:** Depending on your setting, that might mean a break, temporarily reducing intense client contact, adjusting her caseload, or arranging appropriate supervision or consultation. Don’t make it solely her responsibility to “do more self-care.” - **Encourage outside support without diagnosing:** “Hearing distressing experiences can affect people deeply. Since it’s disrupting your sleep, I’d encourage you to speak with a healthcare professional or counselor. We can also look at what confidential support is available through work.” - **Set a follow-up:** “Let’s check in tomorrow and see whether the plan is helping.” Protect her privacy, and be clear about any limits—don’t promise absolute confidentiality if your role doesn’t allow it. Use approved supervision channels for any necessary discussion of client information. Avoid “You need thicker skin,” “That’s just part of the job,” or requiring her to recount the story in a debrief. This **could be a response to indirect trauma**, but you don’t need to label it to take it seriously. Your role is to listen, make work more manageable, and help her access support—not to become her therapist.

Start with care, not problem-solving or an assessment of her performance. You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this client’s story has really stayed with you, and not sleeping sounds exhausting. I’m glad you brought it up—you don’t have to just push through it. > > “You don’t need to retell the client’s story. I’d like to understand how you’re doing and what would help. How long has this been happening? Is it affecting how you’re feeling or your ability to work safely? > > “Let’s look at what we can take off your plate today and what support we can arrange.” Then offer **specific choices**, rather than only “Let me know if you need anything”: - A break, temporary workload adjustment, or cover for particularly distressing work. - Supportive supervision focused on her wellbeing—not a forced retelling of the case. - Access to an EAP or a mental health professional, ideally familiar with trauma-exposed work. Because her sleep is affected, encourage her to contact a healthcare professional, especially if it persists or worsens. - A definite check-in: “Could we talk again tomorrow to see how you’re doing?” You can gently normalize without minimizing: **“Other people doing this work experience reactions like this too. It doesn’t mean you’re bad at your job, and it deserves support.”** This *can* happen with secondary traumatic stress, but you don’t need to label or diagnose it. Avoid “You need thicker skin,” “Try not to take it home,” or making self-care her sole responsibility. Keep the conversation private, explain any limits to confidentiality, and don’t promise secrecy you can’t maintain. Your role is to listen, reduce work-related strain where you can, and help her connect with support—not to become her therapist.

Start with care, not a label. You could say: “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this has been weighing on you and affecting your sleep. You don’t need to repeat the client’s story to explain what you’re experiencing. What would help most right now—being heard, looking at your workload, or finding some support?” Then offer concrete choices within your role: - **Discuss work adjustments.** “Would a break from similar cases, extra supervision, or a temporary workload change help?” Be clear about what you can arrange. - **Offer support without pressure.** “We can look at confidential support options, if you’d like.” These might include an employee assistance program or a counselor. Check privacy terms before promising confidentiality. - **Take the sleep concern seriously.** “Since this is affecting your sleep, it may help to talk with a health care professional, especially if it continues or makes daily tasks difficult.” - **Agree on a follow-up.** “Can we check in tomorrow about how you’re doing and what we can adjust?” Keep the conversation private and let her choose how much to share. Avoid diagnosing her, asking for unnecessary client details, or treating this as something she should solve with self-care alone. Your role is to listen, address work-related pressures, and help her access support—not to be her therapist.

Start with care, not a label. You could say: “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this client’s story has stayed with you, and you haven’t been sleeping. I’m glad you brought it up. You don’t need to repeat the story or share anything personal you don’t want to. What would help most right now—talking, taking a break, or looking together at your workload?” Then offer concrete support: - **Discuss work changes.** “Would some coverage or time away from similar cases help? Let’s look at what we can adjust.” Offer only what you can follow through on. - **Offer support without pressure.** “We can make time for supervision. If you’d prefer confidential support outside work, I can help you find out what’s available.” Check privacy terms before describing an employee assistance program as confidential. - **Take the sleep concern seriously.** “Because this is affecting your sleep, it may help to speak with a health professional. You don’t have to wait until it gets worse.” - **Set a follow-up.** “Can we check in tomorrow about how you’re doing and whether the changes are helping?” Listen without asking for details of the client’s experience. Avoid “you need thicker skin,” “leave work at work,” or making self-care her only responsibility. Your role is to support her and address work conditions—not to diagnose or become her therapist.

1. **Speak with her privately and take her seriously.** You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds exhausting to keep thinking about what you heard and not be sleeping. You don’t need to retell the client’s story. I’d like to work with you on what would help today.” 2. **Check what she needs right now.** > “Do you feel safe right now? Would a break or coverage for your next appointment help?” Offer choices you can actually provide, such as a pause from client work, a workload adjustment, or time with a supervisor. Don’t make her responsible for finding coverage. 3. **Offer support beyond this conversation.** > “Because this is affecting your sleep, I encourage you to speak with a health professional. We can also look at our employee assistance program or arrange supervision. Which option feels most useful?” Share your EAP or on-call supervisor’s contact information if available. Explain any privacy limits rather than promising complete confidentiality. 4. **Keep today’s expectations manageable.** Don’t press for details, diagnose her, or tell her to “toughen up.” Avoid requiring an immediate emotional debrief. Protect the client’s privacy, including when seeking outside support. 5. **Agree on a follow-up.** > “Let’s check in tomorrow about how you’re doing and whether the work adjustments are helping.” Record agreed work changes according to your organization’s policy, without unnecessary personal or client details. **If she says she feels unsafe or is in crisis:** In the U.S., she can call or text **988**, or chat at **988lifeline.org**; you can also contact them for guidance. For immediate physical danger, call **911**. Outside the U.S., use local crisis and emergency services.

1. **Talk somewhere private.** You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds exhausting to have the client’s story stay with you and affect your sleep. You don’t need to repeat the story or share more than you want to. Let’s work out what support would help today.” 2. **Check what she needs right now.** > “Are you feeling safe right now? Do you feel able to keep working, or would a break or coverage help?” If she describes immediate danger or says she cannot stay safe, help her reach urgent support. In the U.S., call **911** for immediate physical danger or **call or text 988** for crisis support. 3. **Offer concrete choices within your authority.** > “We can look at coverage, a lighter workload, or time with our clinical supervisor. Which would be most useful?” Because her sleep is affected, encourage her to contact a health professional or a confidential employee assistance program, if available. Offer help finding the contact information without requiring her to disclose what she discusses. 4. **Do not press for a detailed retelling or try to diagnose her.** Avoid “You need thicker skin” or “It’s just part of the job.” You do not need to resolve everything in this conversation. 5. **Agree on a follow-up.** > “Let’s check in tomorrow about how the work adjustments are going.” Arrange a private supervisory debrief. Document only necessary workplace actions, keep client details out, and explain who needs access. **U.S. support:** Immediate danger: **911**. Crisis support: **call or text 988**, or chat at **988lifeline.org**. These are options if distress escalates—not a substitute for ongoing staff support.

You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this has been weighing on you, and not sleeping is a sign we should take it seriously. You don’t have to manage it alone. What would help you feel supported right now—time away from this case, a supervision session, or help accessing other support?” Then listen without asking for unnecessary details about the client. Agree on a concrete next step—such as arranging confidential clinical supervision, temporarily adjusting the caseload, or helping her contact your employee assistance program or a health professional. Check in again soon, and follow your workplace’s support and confidentiality policies. If she seems overwhelmed or you’re worried about her immediate safety, ask directly whether she feels safe and whether she’s had thoughts of harming herself; help her reach urgent professional support if needed.

You could say: > “I’m glad you told me. It sounds like this story has really stayed with you, and losing sleep is a sign we should take your wellbeing seriously. You don’t have to manage it alone. What would be most helpful right now—some time to talk in supervision, a break from similar cases, or help connecting with support?” Then ask gently whether the distress is affecting her ability to work safely today, and agree on a concrete next step and a time to check in again. Offer options such as reflective supervision, an employee assistance program or therapist, and a temporary adjustment to her workload if appropriate. You don’t need to ask for more details about the client’s story; protect the client’s confidentiality. Try not to minimize it with “you’ll get used to it” or jump straight to self-care advice. If she says she may harm herself or can’t stay safe, help her connect with urgent crisis or emergency support.

You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this has been weighing on you, and I’m sorry it’s affecting your sleep. You don’t need to share any details about the client. What would feel helpful right now—time to talk, a change in your workload, or support from someone outside the team?” Then listen without trying to solve it immediately. Agree on a next step and check in again soon. You might also offer a supervisor or clinical consultation, time away from especially demanding work, or access to an employee support service. If the sleep trouble continues, encourage her to speak with a health professional.

You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this has been weighing on you and affecting your sleep. You don’t need to share any more details about the client. What would feel helpful right now? We can talk about a break, adjusting your workload, or connecting you with supervision or our employee support resources. Let’s also check in tomorrow.” Then follow through on the support you offer. If your workplace has a process for staff wellbeing or urgent support, help her access it.

You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. You don’t have to share more about the client’s story right now. Let’s focus on what would help you feel supported. Would you like to step away from this work for today, talk with someone you trust, or connect with our employee support service? We can also make a plan to adjust your workload while you get support.” Then ask gently, “Are you safe right now, and do you feel able to get through tonight?” Listen without trying to diagnose or solve it. Follow up soon, and help her connect with a supervisor, employee assistance program, or mental health professional. Keep the client’s identifying details private. If she says she may harm herself or cannot stay safe, stay with her and help her contact emergency support. In the U.S., call 911 for immediate danger; call or text 988, or use **988lifeline.org** chat for crisis support.

You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this has been weighing on you and affecting your sleep. You don’t have to manage it alone. What support would feel useful right now? We can talk with our supervisor or employee support service, and I can help you connect with a mental health professional. Let’s also make a plan for stepping away from the client’s story when you’re off work, while protecting the client’s privacy.” Then: 1. Listen without asking for unnecessary details about the client. 2. Help her connect with a supervisor, employee support service, or mental health professional soon, especially since her sleep is affected. 3. If you’re worried she may be in immediate danger, ask directly whether she feels at risk of harming herself or someone else. If there is immediate danger, call 911. In the U.S., she can call or text **988** or use the chat at **988lifeline.org**. She can also text **HOME** to **741741** for the Crisis Text Line. You can repeat those options and offer to stay with her while she reaches out.

Start with care, not performance or a label. You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this client’s story has really stayed with you, and not sleeping is taking a toll. You don’t have to tell me the details again. I want to support you—what feels hardest right now, and what would help you get through today?” Then listen without immediately trying to fix it. Helpful follow-up questions are: - “How long has this been happening, and how much sleep are you getting?” - “Is it affecting your ability to work or manage things outside work?” - “Would a break from similar cases, some cover, or a lighter workload help?” Offer concrete support within your authority: > “Let’s look at what we can take off your plate today. We can also arrange supervision or a check-in with someone trained to support staff after difficult client work. Because this is affecting your sleep, I’d encourage you to speak with a healthcare professional or our employee assistance service, if that’s available. You don’t need to share the details of that care with me.” **Your role is to support her and make work safer—not to become her therapist.** Avoid pressing her to retell the client’s story, promising absolute confidentiality, or saying things like “You need thicker skin” or “It’s just part of the job.” You can acknowledge that difficult client work can affect staff without assuming a diagnosis. Agree on one or two immediate changes and a specific follow-up: “Let’s check in tomorrow and see whether this is helping.” If she seems severely distressed, too exhausted to work or travel safely, or says she might harm herself, prioritize immediate support rather than waiting for that check-in.

Start with care, not a performance conversation. You could say: > “I’m glad you told me. It sounds like this client’s story has really stayed with you, and not sleeping sounds exhausting. You don’t need to share the client’s details or explain everything right now. How are you doing, and what would help you feel supported today?” Then listen, without trying to fix it immediately. A few useful follow-ups: - **Ask about the impact:** “How long has this been happening? How is it affecting you during the day?” - **Offer practical support:** “Would adjusting your workload, taking a break from similar cases, or arranging supervision help?” If she feels unable to work safely, arrange appropriate cover. - **Encourage professional help:** “Because it’s affecting your sleep, I’d encourage you to speak with a healthcare professional. We can also look at confidential support through our employee assistance programme, if that would help.” - **Agree on a check-in:** “Let’s check in again tomorrow and see what support is making a difference.” You can acknowledge that difficult client stories sometimes affect people deeply **without diagnosing her or minimising it as ‘just part of the job.’** Avoid pressing her to retell the story, telling her to “switch off,” or making this solely her responsibility to manage through self-care. As her manager, your role is to listen, reduce avoidable work pressures, and help her access support—not to become her therapist. Be clear about what you can keep private and any limits to that confidentiality.

Start with a private, calm conversation. You could say: “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this client’s story has stayed with you, and it’s affecting your sleep. You don’t need to retell the story to explain what you need. How are you doing today, and what would help right now?” Then move toward practical support: - **Ask about work, not just coping.** “Are there tasks or client meetings we should adjust today? We can look at coverage together.” - **Offer support without diagnosing.** “Would talking with a supervisor, an employee assistance counselor, or another professional feel helpful?” Explain what options are actually available and any limits on confidentiality. - **Take the sleep concern seriously.** “Because this is affecting your sleep, I encourage you to speak with a health care professional, especially if it continues or makes daily activities harder.” - **Set a follow-up.** “Let’s check in tomorrow and see how you’re doing and whether the changes are helping.” Listen more than you talk. Avoid pressing for details about the client, saying “you need thicker skin,” or making this solely her responsibility to manage outside work. As her manager, you can help address workload, supervision, and time to recover—not just suggest self-care.

Start with care, not a label. In a private conversation, you could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this has been staying with you and affecting your sleep. You don’t need to retell the client’s story. How are you doing right now, and what would help today? We can look together at your workload and what support is available.” Then listen before offering solutions. As her manager, you can: - **Offer concrete options:** a break, help with a task, a temporary workload change, or time with a supervisor. Ask what would help rather than assuming. - **Offer confidential support:** “If you’d like, I can help you find our employee assistance program or another confidential resource.” Be clear about any privacy limits you know. - **Encourage care for the sleep problem:** “Since this is affecting your sleep, it may be worth talking with a health professional. You don’t have to wait until it gets worse.” - **Set a check-in:** “Can we check in tomorrow and see how you’re doing?” Avoid asking for more details about the client, diagnosing her, or saying she needs to “toughen up” or simply practice more self-care. Your role is to listen, make work adjustments where you can, and help her access support—not to become her therapist.

1. **Start with care and privacy.** Speak somewhere private. You could say: “Thank you for telling me. It sounds exhausting to have the client’s story on your mind and not be sleeping. You don’t need to repeat the story to me. Let’s focus on how you’re doing and what support would help.” 2. **Check immediate safety.** Ask calmly: “Are you feeling safe right now? Are you able to get home safely?” If she indicates she may hurt herself, ask directly whether she is thinking about suicide. If there is immediate physical danger, call **911** or your local emergency number. 3. **Offer concrete choices for today.** “Would a break, help covering your work, or stepping back from client contact today help? We can also contact our clinical supervisor or employee assistance program together, if you’d like.” Explain what you can keep private and any limits. Don’t promise absolute confidentiality. 4. **Encourage professional support without diagnosing.** “Because this is affecting your sleep, I’d encourage you to speak with a health professional soon. You don’t have to figure this out alone.” Don’t press her for details, tell her to “toughen up,” or try to work through the client’s story yourself. 5. **Set a follow-up.** Agree on a check-in tomorrow and a separate conversation with the appropriate supervisor about workload and support. Afterward, document only necessary facts and agreed actions under your organization’s policy. Protect both her privacy and the client’s. **U.S. support:** She can call or text **988**, or chat at **988lifeline.org**, for immediate emotional support; she does not have to be suicidal to reach out. For immediate physical danger, call **911**. Outside the U.S., use local emergency and crisis services.

1. **Start with care and privacy.** Find a quiet place and say: “Thank you for telling me. This sounds hard, and I’m glad you brought it up. You don’t need to repeat the client’s story. Let’s focus on how you’re doing and what support you need.” 2. **Check how she is doing right now.** Ask: “Do you feel safe right now? Do you feel able to keep working, or would it help to step away?” If she says she feels unsafe, ask directly whether she is thinking about hurting herself. If there is immediate danger, call **911** or your local emergency number. 3. **Offer concrete choices.** Say: “We can arrange a break, coverage, or a change in duties today. Which would help most?” Explain any limits honestly. Don’t ask her to push through or retell the client’s experience. 4. **Help her connect with support.** Say: “Because this is affecting your sleep, I’d encourage you to speak with a health professional. We can also look at our employee assistance program or supervision options together.” Explain what is confidential and what you may need to share; don’t promise absolute confidentiality. 5. **Agree on a follow-up.** Ask: “Would it be okay if I check in tomorrow?” Arrange a private conversation about workload and support. Record only necessary workplace facts under your policy, without repeating the client’s story. Avoid diagnosing her or trying to resolve everything in one conversation. Your role is to listen, make work manageable, and help her access support. **If she needs immediate emotional support:** In the U.S., call or text **988**, or chat at **988lifeline.org**. She can contact them even if she is not thinking about suicide. For immediate physical danger, call **911**.

You could say something like: > “I’m sorry that story has stayed with you, and I’m glad you told me. You don’t have to share the client’s details with me. How are you doing today, and what would help you feel supported? We can look at your workload, arrange a debrief or supervision, and explore other support if you’d like.” Then consider a practical next step together: a break, time away from similar cases, or connecting her with an employee assistance program or mental health professional. If she’s struggling to sleep, encourage her to talk with a healthcare professional, especially if it continues or she feels unable to function safely. Keep what she shares private as far as your workplace policies allow, and check in again soon: “Would it be okay if I checked in with you tomorrow?”

You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. That sounds really difficult, and I’m glad you didn’t have to keep it to yourself. How long has the sleep problem been going on? What would help you feel supported today? > > We can look at your workload and make space for a break or time off. If you’d like, we can also arrange a debrief or help you find support through our employee assistance program or a health professional.” Then listen without pressing her to retell the client’s story. Arrange a private follow-up in a day or two, and keep client confidentiality in mind during any debrief. If she hasn’t slept for several days, seems unable to function safely, or you’re concerned about her immediate safety, encourage prompt medical help and help her step away from work safely.

You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this story has stayed with you, and not sleeping can be hard. You don’t need to share the client’s details with me. How are you doing today, and what would help you feel supported at work?” > > “We can look at whether you need a break, time off, or a change in workload. If you’d like, I can also help you find our employee assistance program or another professional to talk with.” Listen without pressing her for details or telling her she should be able to move on. Agree on a next step and a time to check in again. If the sleep problems continue, encourage her to speak with a health professional.

You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this story has stayed with you, and I’m sorry you haven’t been sleeping. You don’t have to share the details with me. What would feel helpful right now? We can look at your workload together and talk about what support is available.” Then listen and ask what she needs. If possible, offer a break or help adjusting her workload. You can also remind her about an employee assistance program or other confidential support, if available. Because her sleep is affected, gently suggest talking with a health care professional if it continues. Agree on a time to check in again, without making her retell the client’s story.

1. **Talk with her privately.** You could say: “Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry this has been affecting your sleep. You don’t have to share the client’s story with me. What would help you feel supported right now?” 2. **Offer choices.** Ask whether she would like a break, a change in duties, or help connecting with a supervisor, employee assistance program, or health professional. Encourage her to seek professional support for the sleep difficulties. 3. **Check on immediate safety.** If you’re concerned she may be at risk of harming herself, ask directly whether she is thinking about suicide. If there is immediate danger, call 911 in the U.S. Do not leave her alone while arranging help. 4. **Plan a follow-up.** Agree on a time to check in and ask whether she wants a supervisor or another trusted person involved. Protect the client’s and staff member’s privacy. Document only what your workplace requires, after immediate needs are addressed. In the U.S., she can call or text **988** or chat at **988lifeline.org** for confidential crisis support. For immediate danger, call **911**.

1. **Speak with her privately.** You could say: “Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry this has been affecting your sleep. How are you doing right now?” 2. **Ask what would help today.** You could offer a break, help adjusting her workload, or a conversation with a supervisor she trusts. Let her choose what feels useful. 3. **Encourage support.** You could say: “You don’t have to manage this alone. Would you like help finding a counselor or employee assistance resource? A health professional can also help with the sleep concerns.” 4. **Check safety if you’re concerned.** Ask directly whether she feels safe or is thinking about harming herself. If there is immediate danger, call 911 in the U.S. For crisis support, she can call or text 988 or chat at [988lifeline.org](https://988lifeline.org). You don’t need to resolve everything today or ask for details of the client’s story. Arrange a time to check in again, and protect both her privacy and the client’s. Document only what your workplace policy requires. **U.S. contacts:** Immediate danger: **911**. Crisis support: **call or text 988**, or chat at **988lifeline.org**.

Say something that takes it seriously, keeps the boundary clear, and points her toward real support—not a debrief of the client’s story. Try something like: “Thank you for telling me. It makes sense that a story like that would stay with you, and not sleeping is a sign this is weighing on you. You don’t have to handle that alone, and you also don’t have to keep carrying the details by yourself in order to do good work. I want to support you as your supervisor: we can look at your caseload, time off if you need it, and whether this case should be shared or reassigned. For the part that’s affecting your sleep and staying in your head, I’d like you to use [EAP / our counseling benefit / a therapist]—that’s the right place to process it. You don’t have to tell me the client’s story again unless there’s a safety or practice issue I need to know about. Can we check in again [tomorrow / in a few days] on how you’re sleeping and what support you’ve lined up?” A few things that help: - **Name it without diagnosing.** “This sounds like it’s gotten under your skin” is enough. Secondary stress and vicarious trauma are common in this work; you don’t need to label her. - **Don’t become her therapist.** Listening once is fine. Repeatedly unpacking the client’s trauma with her can make it worse for both of you. - **Separate support from performance.** She’s telling you she’s struggling, not that she’s failing. If her work is affected, address workload and coverage first. - **Offer concrete options:** lighter caseload for a bit, supervision or consultation on that case, time off, EAP, peer support that doesn’t require retelling graphic details. - **Watch for safety.** If she mentions hopelessness, not eating, panic, or anything that sounds like she might harm herself, treat that as urgent: stay with the conversation, help her contact EAP, a crisis line, or emergency services, and don’t leave her to “sleep it off.” If your organization has no EAP, say so plainly and help her find a counselor or a trusted clinical supervisor outside the client relationship. The useful message is: I believe you, this is a work hazard not a personal weakness, and we’ll change the work while you get proper support.

Say something human, brief, and practical—then point her toward real support. You are her supervisor, not her therapist. Try something like: > “Thank you for telling me. That sounds heavy, and it makes sense that it’s sticking with you and affecting your sleep. You don’t have to carry this alone. Let’s talk about what would help right now—time, workload, and getting some proper support.” Then do a few concrete things: - **Acknowledge it without digging.** Don’t ask her to retell the client’s story. That can make it worse. A simple “That sounds really hard” is enough. - **Normalize it carefully.** Intrusive thoughts and poor sleep after a disturbing case can be a sign of vicarious trauma or burnout. You can say many people in this work get affected this way—and that it is a signal to get support, not something she should push through alone. - **Offer practical relief.** Ask what she needs this week: a lighter caseload, a pause on similar cases, time off, or coverage so she can leave on time. Follow through if you can. - **Point her to professional help.** Encourage EAP, a counselor, or her own clinician—especially if she can’t sleep or can’t stop the thoughts. You can offer to help her find the number or give her time to make the call. Don’t try to counsel her yourself. - **Protect boundaries.** Remind her she isn’t expected to hold clients’ experiences outside work, and that stepping back is responsible, not a failure. - **Check safety, lightly.** If she seems unable to function, very distressed, or you worry about her wellbeing, ask if she feels safe and help her reach EAP, a clinician, or urgent care. If she is in immediate danger, contact emergency services. - **Follow up once.** A short check-in in a day or two (“How are you sleeping? Did you get a chance to talk to someone?”) matters. Don’t keep revisiting the client story. Avoid: “Just don’t think about it,” “Everyone deals with this,” pushing her for details, or making her feel she has failed by being affected.

Thank you for telling me. It makes sense that a client’s story would stay with you, and I’m sorry it has been keeping you up. You do not have to go through the details again. I care more about how you are doing than about hearing the story again. What would help this week? We can lighten your caseload, give you some time, or connect you with someone to talk to outside the team. If sleep stays hard, tell me. Needing support does not mean you did anything wrong.

Say this, then stop and let her answer: "Thank you for telling me. Carrying a client's story can follow you home, and losing sleep is a real sign that this is weighing on you. You do not have to retell it to me. What would help right now: time away from that case, a lighter day, or someone to talk with who is not me?" Then do one concrete thing before the conversation ends. Cover her work for the rest of the day if she needs it. Move the case off her plate for a while if that is possible. Point her to your employee assistance program or a supervisor who is set up for this, if you have one. Put a check-in on the calendar for tomorrow. Do not ask for the details of the story. Do not tell her this is just part of the job, or that she needs to be tougher. Do not try to counsel her through it yourself. If she says she might hurt herself, or you are worried about her safety, stay with her and help her reach immediate support: in the U.S., call or text 988.

If she might hurt herself, or you are not sure she is safe, stay with her or stay on the line. Call 911 if there is immediate danger. Call or text 988. Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741. If she is safe enough to talk, you can say this: “Thank you for telling me. I’m glad you did. You do not have to retell the story. I don’t need the details. Not sleeping, and not being able to stop thinking about it, means you need support now. That is not a failure. You are not in trouble. You can choose what happens next: - Step off this case. I will reassign it. - Take the rest of today off, or tomorrow. I will cover urgent tasks. - Call our employee assistance program or the on-call supervisor. I can give you the number and stay while you call. - We meet again tomorrow for 15 minutes, so you are not holding this alone overnight. What would help most in the next hour? You can keep working here and still need a break from this. We will change the work.” Do not ask her to describe what the client went through. Do not say this is just part of the job, or that she needs to be tougher. Do not try to fix the client’s situation in this conversation. Do not diagnose her. After she is steady, write down only what you need for coverage. Protect her privacy and the client’s. Check in tomorrow. If danger comes up: 911. For crisis support: call or text 988. Text HOME to 741741.

If she might hurt herself, or she cannot stay safe, call 911. You can sit with her while she calls. Say this: "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you said something. You are not in trouble. You do not have to tell me the client's story. Please don't share details that could identify them. I hear that you can't stop thinking about it, and that you haven't been sleeping. That is enough for me to act on. Here are your choices: 1. Step away from that client's work today. I will cover it or reassign it. 2. Go home and rest, if that is what you need. Your job is not at risk for saying this. 3. Call our employee assistance program or on-call supervisor now. I can stay while you call. Number: [EAP or on-call number]. 4. If you feel unsafe, or you might hurt yourself, call 911 or 988 now. I will stay with you. I am not a clinician. I will not try to sort this out in one conversation. We can check in tomorrow. If sleep stays this hard, please talk with a doctor or the EAP." Do not ask her to retell what happened. Do not tell her this is just part of the job. Do not diagnose her. Do not try to fix the client's situation tonight. After she is steady, write down only what you need for coverage and follow-up. Leave out the client's story. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911. 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988. Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741. Employee assistance or on-call supervisor: [number].

What she's describing sounds like secondary traumatic stress — a common, well-documented response to working closely with people who've experienced trauma. The fact that she told you is actually a good sign: it means she trusts you and has some self-awareness about what's happening. How you respond will shape whether she (and others) feel safe raising this again. **Start the conversation with something like:** - "Thank you for telling me — I know that wasn't easy to bring up." - "What you're describing is a really common response to this kind of work. It's not a sign you're doing anything wrong or that you're not cut out for this." **Then listen and ask a few open questions:** - "How long has this been going on?" - "Is it affecting other parts of your life, or mainly sleep?" - "Is there anything about your workload or schedule we could adjust that would help right now?" **What to avoid:** - "Try to leave work at work" or "don't take it personally" — dismissive and implies it's a discipline problem - "Everyone goes through this" — normalizing is good, but this version minimizes her specific experience - Asking her to retell the client's story in detail — that can re-expose her - Jumping straight to fixes before she's felt heard - Treating it as a performance issue **After the conversation:** - **Follow up within a few days.** A single check-in isn't enough, and a follow-up signals you took it seriously. - **Point her to support** if you have it — an EAP, counseling, or supervision time specifically for processing hard cases. Frame it as routine maintenance for this work, not a last resort. - **Look at the structural side.** Is her caseload heavy right now? Does your team have any regular space to debrief difficult cases? If she's struggling, others may be too — this is often a team-level signal, not just an individual one. - **Watch for escalation.** A few rough nights after a hard case is common. If symptoms persist for weeks, worsen, or she mentions things like hopelessness, not functioning, or using alcohol to cope, encourage professional help more directly. One thing worth saying explicitly in the moment: "I'm glad you told me, and I want you to keep telling me if this continues." That single sentence does a lot of work. If you're comfortable sharing what field you're in, I can tailor this a bit — the norms and resources differ somewhat between, say, social work, healthcare, and legal services.

What she's describing sounds like vicarious trauma (also called secondary traumatic stress) — intrusive thoughts and sleep disruption are classic signs. It's a common occupational hazard in client-facing work, not a sign of weakness or poor fit. How you respond now matters a lot, because she's taken a risk in telling you. **How to open the conversation** - "Thank you for telling me — I know that wasn't easy to bring up." - "What you're describing is really common in our work. It has a name, and it's not a sign you're not cut out for this." - "The fact that this story is staying with you says something about how much you care. That's not a flaw." **Then ask, don't assume** - "How long has this been sitting with you?" - "What's the hardest part right now?" - "Have you been able to talk to anyone about it?" - "What do you think would help?" Let her talk about *her* experience without asking her to retell the client's story in detail — she doesn't need to relive it, and your role is support, not therapy. **Offer something concrete** - Look at her caseload together: "Is there anything we can shift or pause while you recover?" - Point her to your EAP or counseling resources if you have them — normalize using them. - Set up a follow-up: "Let's check in next week. Not to evaluate you — just so you're not carrying this alone." **What to avoid** - "Try to leave work at work" or "you'll develop thicker skin" — this frames it as a discipline failure and will likely shut her down. - "Everyone goes through this" said dismissively — normalizing is good; minimizing is not. - Treating it as a performance issue or hinting she may not be suited to the work. - Promising absolute confidentiality — if she shares anything suggesting she's unsafe or not functioning, you may need to act on it. **After the conversation** Check in within a week, and keep an eye out for signs it's worsening: ongoing sleep problems, withdrawal, cynicism, dread about certain clients. If she mentions hopelessness, inability to function, or anything suggesting she might harm herself, that's a referral-level situation, not a supervision one. One last thing worth sitting with: vicarious trauma is an occupational health issue, not just an individual self-care problem. If she's struggling, it's worth asking whether caseload, exposure, or organizational culture played a role — and what you can change at that level too.

She took a risk telling you this. The main job of this conversation is to make her glad she did — and to leave her with something concrete. **Things you could say** - "Thank you for telling me. That took something." - "What you're describing is really common in this work. It has a name — secondary traumatic stress — and it happens to people who are good at their jobs and care about their clients. It's not a sign you're not cut out for this." - "What would help right now?" Then listen. Don't rush to fix it. - "You don't need to tell me the client's story. I'd rather talk about what you need." - Concrete offers, if you can make them: "Do you want to step back from this case for a while?" "Would a few days off help?" "Our EAP has free, confidential counseling — want me to send you the details?" **What to avoid** - Minimizing: "Everyone feels that way," "You'll get used to it." - Diagnosing: "You sound burned out," "You need therapy." Name the experience as common; don't label her. - Asking her to recount what the client told her. That asks her to relive it, and the client's story isn't yours to hear. - Treating it as a performance problem or writing it up as one. That teaches the whole team not to disclose. **After the conversation** - Check in again in a few days. One talk isn't the fix, and a follow-up signals you meant it. - Look at the workload, not just the person: caseload mix, whether the team has regular space to debrief hard cases, whether she has any recovery time between intense clients. - If the sleep problems and intrusive thoughts persist for a few weeks or get worse, gently encourage her to talk to a professional. You're her supervisor, not her therapist — your role is support, adjustments, and pointing to resources. One last thing: the fact that she came to you says something good about how you supervise. Handle this well and the rest of your team will learn it's safe to say the same thing.

What she's describing has a name: secondary traumatic stress, sometimes called vicarious trauma. It's a well-documented response to carrying clients' stories, and it's common in this work. It isn't a weakness, and it doesn't mean she's in the wrong job. The fact that she told you is a good sign — and how you respond will shape whether she, and others, speak up again. **In the conversation** - Thank her first: "Thank you for telling me. I know that wasn't easy." - Normalize it without brushing it off: "What you're describing is really common in this work. It's a response to the stories we carry — not a sign that something is wrong with you." - Ask, don't prescribe: "What would help right now?" Then listen more than you talk. - Don't ask her to retell the client's story. The details aren't the point; her wellbeing is. **What to avoid** - "Everyone goes through this — you'll get used to it." (minimizing) - "You need to take better care of yourself." (puts a structural exposure on her shoulders) - "Maybe this work isn't for you." (she may hear that as a verdict on her competence) - Don't diagnose or play therapist. Your role is support and connection to help, not treatment. **After the conversation** - Offer something concrete: your EAP or counseling benefit if you have one, a supervision session focused on her rather than case logistics, a day off, or a temporary caseload adjustment if that's possible. - Follow up in a week or two. One conversation isn't the fix; a check-in shows you meant it. - Look at the structural side. If one person is carrying this, others likely are too. Caseload intensity, back-to-back exposure to heavy stories, and whether staff have regular space to debrief are organizational levers — yours to pull, not hers. If the sleep problems and intrusive thoughts persist for more than a few weeks, or she notices changes in how she's functioning day to day, encourage her to see a counselor — ideally one familiar with secondary trauma. And if she ever mentions hopelessness or thoughts of harming herself, treat that as urgent: in the US, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text) is the immediate resource, and help her connect to care right away.

This is one of the most important conversations a supervisor in this work can have, and the fact that she told you is a good sign. Here's language you can adapt. **What to say** Start by thanking her: > "Thank you for telling me. I know that wasn't easy to say out loud." Then validate without analyzing: > "What you're describing — carrying a client's story home, trouble sleeping — is a known response to doing this work. It happens to people who care about their clients. It's not a weakness, and it doesn't say anything about your ability to do this job." Then give her choices: > "You don't have to push through this alone, and you don't need to tell me the details of the case. Let's figure out together what would help. Would it help to shift your caseload for a while? Take a few days? Talk with someone through our EAP? What sounds useful to you?" Close with a concrete follow-up: > "Let's check in on Friday. And if it gets heavier before then, come find me — you don't have to wait." **What helps** - Let her choose. Real support looks like reduced exposure for a while, supervision time, or counseling — offered as options, not assigned. - Keep the client's details out of it. She doesn't need to retell the story for you to take her seriously, and retelling can make it louder. - Follow up in a few days. One conversation doesn't resolve this; the check-in shows you meant it. **What to avoid** - "You're so strong, you'll be fine." It closes the door she just opened. - "Everyone goes through this." True, and minimizing. - Handing it back to her as self-care homework. The useful message is that the organization will adjust conditions, not just tell her to cope better. - Treating it as a performance problem, or becoming her therapist. Your role is support and connection to help. **Afterward** Adjust what you can — caseload, on-call rotation, breathing room. Point her toward your EAP or a counselor familiar with secondary traumatic stress (the plain name for what she's describing; it's common in this field and it responds to support). Keep the conversation private. **If it gets heavier** If she ever mentions feeling hopeless or not wanting to be here, treat that as urgent. Stay with her and call or text 988 together, or text HOME to 741741. You don't have to carry that moment alone either.

What you're describing sounds like secondary traumatic stress — the effect that hearing about clients' trauma can have on the people who support them. It's common in helping work, it's not a failing, and how you respond matters. Here's a way to approach the conversation. **Before you talk** Find out what your organization offers — an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) number, clinical supervision, options for adjusting caseloads — so you can hand her something concrete rather than vague reassurance. **Start by thanking her and normalizing it** Find a private, unhurried moment. Something like: > "Thank you for telling me — I'm glad you did. What you're describing happens to a lot of people who do this work. Hearing about trauma affects the people who hear it. It's not a weakness, and it's not a sign you're doing anything wrong." Then stop and listen. You don't need to fix it in this one conversation. **Ask, don't prescribe** - "How long has this been going on?" - "How is it showing up for you?" - "What would help this week?" Let her decide what to share. She doesn't need to retell the client's story to get support — and retelling it in detail can make the replaying worse. Keep client details out of it. **Offer concrete support, with her in control** - Adjust the load: "Let's look at your caseload together and see what we can shift this week." - Time: a day off, or some distance from the heaviest cases for a while. - Professional support: give her the EAP number and say clearly that it's free, confidential, and you won't know whether she uses it. - Connection: ask if it would help to talk with a trusted colleague who knows this work. Peer support is one of the strongest protections there is. **What to avoid** - Minimizing: "everyone feels that way," "you'll get used to it," "try not to think about it." - Diagnosing: don't tell her she has PTSD, burnout, or anything else. That's for a professional to assess. - Treating it as a performance problem or a sign she's not suited to the work. - Promising secrecy you can't keep. If you're required to share something, say so honestly. **Close with a specific follow-up** > "Let's check in on Friday. And if it gets heavier before then, come find me anytime." Then actually do it. One conversation rarely resolves this; knowing someone is paying attention does a lot of the work. **Watch for signs she needs more than supervision** If the sleep problems and intrusive thoughts continue past a couple of weeks, get worse, or she mentions hopelessness or thoughts of harming herself, encourage her to see a professional. If she's ever in crisis, the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) is free and confidential — for her, or for you while you're supporting her. One last thing: she told you. That means she trusts you. A calm, warm, unhurried response — even an imperfect one — is itself part of what helps.

Start by making it clear that you’re taking her wellbeing seriously, not treating this as a performance problem. You could say: > “Thank you for telling me—I’m really glad you did. It sounds as though this has deeply affected you, and not sleeping makes everything harder. This doesn’t mean you’re weak or failing at your job. Your wellbeing matters, and you don’t have to manage it alone. You also don’t need to retell me the client’s story.” > > “Before we work out next steps, how long has this been going on, and are you safe right now? Have you had any thoughts of harming yourself or not wanting to be here?” > > “Let’s focus on what would help today. We can look at reducing or pausing your exposure to this case, adjusting your workload or shift, and arranging confidential support through [supervision/EAP/a mental-health professional]. I’d like us to make a concrete plan before you leave, and I’ll check in with you again [at a specific time]. What would help you get through the rest of today safely?” Then take practical action rather than simply advising “self-care”: - Offer workload adjustments, a break or leave where feasible, and appropriate clinical/professional supervision. A debrief should support her without requiring repeated graphic retelling or breaching client confidentiality. - Encourage prompt professional support because of the sleep loss; help her access it if your workplace has an EAP or occupational-health service. - Agree on a follow-up and review whether caseload, exposure, or lack of support contributed—don’t make “becoming more resilient” her sole responsibility. - Avoid comments such as “Just switch off,” “Don’t take work home,” or “You need to toughen up.” If she may harm herself, cannot stay safe, or seems acutely confused or severely deteriorating, stay with her and arrange urgent crisis or emergency assistance. If she has had little or no sleep for several nights, arrange prompt medical or mental-health assessment even if she denies suicidal thoughts.

Start with empathy, then focus on safety, support, and practical adjustments. You could say: > “Thank you for telling me—I’m glad you didn’t keep this to yourself. It sounds really distressing, and it isn’t a sign of weakness or that you’re failing at your job. You don’t need to share confidential details of the client’s story with me. My main concern right now is your wellbeing. > > How long has this been affecting your sleep? Do you feel safe at the moment, and do you feel able to work today? I’d like us to arrange proper support—such as clinical supervision, our employee assistance program, or your GP/therapist—and I can also look at temporarily adjusting your workload or exposure to similar cases. You don’t have to manage this alone. > > What support would feel most useful right now? I’ll check in with you again tomorrow.” Then follow through: - **Listen without becoming her therapist.** Don’t press her to retell the story or conduct a detailed debrief yourself. - **Offer professional support promptly.** Intrusive thoughts and sleep disruption can occur after exposure to traumatic material and deserve to be taken seriously. - **Make a concrete workplace adjustment where feasible**, rather than simply referring her elsewhere and leaving everything unchanged. - **Protect her privacy** and avoid framing this as a performance problem. - **Arrange a specific follow-up**, not just “let me know if you need anything.” Avoid responses such as “You need to leave work at work,” “We all hear difficult stories,” or “Try not to think about it.” If she feels unable to keep herself safe, has thoughts of self-harm, is becoming unable to function, or has had little or no sleep over several nights, help her access **urgent professional support** rather than relying on workplace measures alone; use local emergency services if there is immediate danger.

Take it seriously, and focus on her wellbeing rather than asking her to retell the client’s story. You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry this is affecting you so much. You don’t have to manage it on your own, and you don’t need to share more of the client’s story for me to support you. > > How are you doing right now? Have you been able to sleep at all, and do you feel safe and able to work today? > > Let’s look at what would make things more manageable. That could mean taking a break, temporarily adjusting your caseload, or talking with a supervisor, an employee assistance program, or a mental-health professional. What would help most? I’ll check in with you tomorrow, and we can make a plan together. If the sleep problems continue, I’d encourage you to speak with a health professional.” Then follow through: - **Offer something concrete today**, such as time away from the case or a workload adjustment—not just general advice about self-care. - **Don’t press for graphic details.** Keep what she shares private within the limits of your role and workplace policy. - **Arrange appropriate supervision or support.** You don’t need to diagnose the problem or become her therapist. - **Check in again.** Ask whether the support is helping and what else needs to change. If she says she might harm herself, cannot stay safe, or is severely affected by lack of sleep, treat it as urgent: follow your workplace’s safety procedure and help her access immediate medical or crisis support.

Take it seriously, thank her for speaking up, and offer concrete support without trying to become her therapist. You could say: > “Thank you for trusting me with this. I’m sorry this is weighing on you, and I’m concerned that it’s affecting your sleep. You don’t have to manage it alone, and you don’t need to retell the client’s story or share identifying details with me. What would help most right now? We can look at temporary changes to your workload or involvement with this case, arrange supervision, and connect you with confidential support through [EAP, occupational health, or a counselor]. Let’s agree on one next step today, and I’ll check in with you tomorrow.” Then listen. Avoid responses like “try to switch off,” “this comes with the job,” or “you just need better boundaries.” Don’t diagnose her or promise confidentiality beyond what your role allows. Offer real support, not only general advice about self-care. If the sleep loss continues or affects her daily functioning, encourage prompt help from a health or mental health professional. If she feels unsafe, may harm herself, or has gone days with little or no sleep and cannot function safely, help her access urgent medical or crisis support now.

Start with support, not problem-solving. You don’t need to counsel her or hear the client’s story. **You could say:** > “Thank you for telling me. I’m glad you did. You don’t have to manage this alone, and we can look at what support and work adjustments would help. You don’t need to retell the client’s story or share identifying details. How are you doing right now?” Then: 1. **Check her immediate safety.** Ask calmly, “Do you feel safe right now? Are you having any thoughts of harming yourself or not wanting to be alive?” If yes, or you’re unsure, stay with her and follow your workplace emergency procedure. 2. **Offer practical choices.** Ask what would help today: a break, temporary relief from that case, leaving early, or contacting someone she trusts. Don’t pressure her into a particular option. 3. **Connect her with support.** Offer to help her contact your employee assistance program, a mental health professional, or an appropriate supervisor or debriefing service, if available. If she has barely slept or this continues, encourage prompt professional support rather than suggesting she simply push through. 4. **Set a concrete follow-up.** Say, “I’ll check in with you tomorrow at [time], and we’ll decide together what else needs to change.” 5. **Protect the client’s privacy.** Don’t ask her to repeat the story unnecessarily. Share only what is needed to arrange support, and document the workplace steps taken—not the client’s details. Avoid saying “Try not to think about it,” “This comes with the job,” or “You just need some rest.” **If there is any concern that she cannot stay safe:** in the U.S., call or text **988**, or text **HOME to 741741**. Call **911** for immediate danger. Elsewhere, use local crisis and emergency services.

Start with support, a direct safety check, and practical choices. You do not need to counsel her or assess her yourself. You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. I’m glad you didn’t keep this to yourself, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. You don’t need to retell the client’s story or share identifying details. Right now, I want to focus on what you need. > > First, are you safe right now? Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself, or do you feel unable to stay safe? > > If you’re safe, let’s look at what would help today. We can consider adjusting your duties, giving you time away from client-facing work, or contacting [your EAP/a licensed mental health professional]. What would feel most useful? I can help you make the call if you’d like. > > I’ll only share what’s needed to arrange support, and I’ll talk with you first unless there’s an immediate safety concern. Let’s check in again at [specific time]. You don’t have to handle this alone.” As her supervisor: - Offer concrete support rather than simply telling her to practice self-care. - Do not diagnose her, probe for the client’s story, or promise absolute confidentiality. - Because this is affecting her sleep and staying with her, encourage prompt support from your EAP, a licensed mental health professional, or her healthcare provider. - After immediate safety and support are addressed, document the support offered, work adjustments, and any safety steps—without client details. - Follow up at the agreed time and involve the appropriate workplace lead about workload or ongoing support. If she says she may harm herself, cannot stay safe, or is in immediate danger, stay with her if possible and call **911** or your local emergency number. In the U.S.: **call or text 988**, or chat at **988lifeline.org**; Crisis Text Line: **text HOME to 741741**.

You don't need to fix it, and you don't need to be her therapist. As her manager, the most helpful thing you can do is believe her, normalize it, make work feel safer right now, and connect her to support. This sounds like secondary traumatic stress / vicarious trauma — very common in client-facing roles, and not a sign she's not cut out for the job. Here’s a way to handle the conversation: ### 1. What to say right now Find a private space, slow it down, and start with something like this: > "Thank you for trusting me with that. I'm really glad you told me." > > "It makes sense that story has stayed with you. That would be hard for anyone to hear, and it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong." > > "I'm sorry you haven't been sleeping. How long has this been going on for?" > > "You don't have to go into detail about the client's story again unless you want to. I'm more interested in how *you're* doing." Then just listen. Let there be pauses. If she cries, that's okay — you can say, "Take your time, there's no rush." Ask gentle, practical questions: - "Is it mostly at night it's coming up, or during the day too?" - "How is it affecting you at work — concentration, patience, feeling on edge?" - "What support do you have outside of work?" - "What do you think would help a bit this week?" ### 2. What to offer in the moment Don't wait for her to ask. Offer concrete, work-based adjustments and let her choose: > "We can look at your workload together. Would it help to debrief cases like this more regularly, swap a particularly heavy case for now, have a quieter day tomorrow, or finish a bit early today?" > > "Would you like me to share our EAP / wellbeing support details? You can contact them confidentially, you don't need my permission." > > "If the sleep problems continue, it might be worth checking in with your GP/doctor too — poor sleep makes everything harder to cope with." Agree on a follow-up so she doesn't feel forgotten: > "Can we check in again on [Thursday morning] just for 15 minutes to see how you're sleeping and how work is feeling? And please come to me sooner if it gets worse." Keep what she told you confidential. Don't record health details in general notes, and don't share it with the team without her permission. ### 3. What not to say Even with good intentions, avoid: - "You need to leave work at work" / "You need to toughen up a bit" - "I know exactly how you feel" — then telling your own story - "At least..." or minimizing the client's story - "Tell me exactly what the client said" — you don't need the graphic details to support her, and retelling can make it worse - Promising you can take all difficult work away forever Also avoid diagnosing her: don't say "You have PTSD/burnout." You can reflect: "It sounds like this has really gotten under your skin." ### 4. In the next few weeks One conversation helps, but follow-through matters more: 1. **Actually do the check-in** you promised. 2. **Build in debriefing** — regular supervision shouldn't just be about case targets. Ask: "Which case is sitting with you most this week?" 3. **Watch the load** — a mix of case intensity, a chance to recover after a hard disclosure, and not being the go-to person for every crisis. 4. **Notice changes** — withdrawal, irritability, tearfulness, making uncharacteristic mistakes, dreading particular clients. Name it kindly and early: "I've noticed you seem exhausted lately, how are you doing really?" If she seems unable to function at work, is distressed most days, or sleep/intrusive thoughts don't ease after a couple of weeks despite support, encourage her again to seek professional support promptly. A good closing line for today: > "You don't have to carry this on your own to be good at this job. Let's work out what support looks like, and we'll keep reviewing it together." That combination — validation, practical help, and a planned follow-up — is usually what staff remember most.

This is a sign of trust — and it's exactly the kind of thing you want staff to tell you early. Your job in this moment isn't to be her therapist, it's to validate, assess how it's affecting her, and make a practical support plan together. Here's a way to handle it: ### 1. In the moment: Pause, thank, validate Don't brush it off or jump straight to fixing. Try: > "Thank you for telling me. I'm really glad you did." > "I'm sorry you're not sleeping — that sounds exhausting." > "It makes complete sense that story has stayed with you. Anyone who listened with care would be affected by it. You don't have to carry this on your own." What helps here is normalizing without minimizing. This is often called secondary traumatic stress / vicarious trauma — a normal human response to hearing about someone else's trauma, not a sign she's not cut out for the work. **Avoid:** - "You just need to leave work at work" - "You'll get used to it / you need to toughen up" - "What exactly did the client say?" — don't ask her to retell graphic details unless it's needed for casework. It can make rumination worse. - Diagnosing her or offering sleep/medical advice beyond general support ### 2. Gently understand the impact Ask open, non-intrusive questions. You can say: "Would it be okay if I ask a bit about how it's been affecting you, so we can think about support?" - "How long has this been going on?" - "When you say you can't stop thinking about it, is it popping up at work too, or mainly at night?" - "How are you feeling during the day — concentration, appetite, mood?" - "Is it affecting your work with this client or others, do you think?" - "What support do you have outside of work?" Listen more than you talk. You don't need the full client story to support her. If she becomes tearful, that's okay. Give her a minute, offer water/a break, and don't rush to fill silence. ### 3. Make a short-term, collaborative plan Shift from "you should do more self-care" to "what can *we* adjust?" Individual resilience isn't enough if the workload is the issue. Ask: "What do you think might help even a little this week?" Options you can offer together: - More frequent check-ins/supervision for this case for a while - Not being alone with that case — co-working, debrief after sessions, you reviewing notes/decisions with her - A temporary pause on taking on new high-trauma cases, or rebalancing her caseload - Flexibility: later start after a bad night, a proper lunch break away from desk, time to write up notes and decompress after difficult appointments - A clear end-of-day transition: e.g., 10 minutes to write down lingering thoughts/tasks before leaving, so she's not carrying them mentally all evening Agree on one or two small things, not a long list. Also signpost formal support without making it sound like you're handing her off: > "Our EAP / Occupational Health is there for exactly this kind of thing — it's confidential and separate from me. Would it help if I sent you the details? Lots of staff use it after a difficult case." > "If the not sleeping carries on for more than a week or two or gets worse, it's worth speaking to your GP/doctor too." ### 4. Close and follow up End with clarity and care: > "Let's check in again on [tomorrow / Monday] for 15 minutes — not to go over the whole case, just to see how you're sleeping and how you're feeling. If it gets worse before then, please come and find me." > "What you shared stays between us, unless we agree together to involve someone else for support." Then actually follow up when you said you would. That follow-through matters more than perfect words in the first conversation. ### A full example script > "Thank you for trusting me with that. It sounds like that client's story has really stuck with you, and you're not sleeping because of it — that must be taking a toll. > > That's an understandable reaction to what you've heard, not a weakness. Can you tell me a bit about how it's been showing up for you? > > [listen] > > Okay, let's think together about what support would help right now. We can look at this case together so you're not holding it alone, and we can ease off new complex allocations this week. Would a brief check-in after your next session with her help? > > I'll also send you the EAP details — completely confidential. And let's meet again on Thursday just to see how you're doing. Does that feel okay?" You don't have to solve the rumination. Acknowledging it early, reducing isolation around the case, making a small workload adjustment, and checking back in are the most protective things a manager can do — and they model to the whole team that it's safe to speak up.

Start with listening, thank her for telling you, and make a clear plan together. You do not need to fix how she feels, and you do not need to hear the full client story to support her. Here is language you can use: **In the moment** "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." "I hear you — you haven't been sleeping, and the story is staying on your mind outside of work." "You don't have to share more details about the client with me. Can you tell me what would help most right now?" Then pause and listen. Let her finish before offering options. **Talk through next steps together** Ask, do not assume: - "Would a break today help, or time away from this case for a bit?" - "Would it help to talk through the work parts of this with a supervisor — what happened, what you did, and what happens next?" - "Do you want information about [EAP / counseling support / your organization's staff support option]? I can send it to you privately." - "Is your current caseload feeling manageable this week? Let's look at it together." If she wants to debrief, keep it focused on her work and decisions, not on repeating graphic details of the client's story. **What helps to avoid** - "You need to be tougher / leave it at work." This can shut down future conversations. - "I know exactly how you feel." Instead, reflect what she said. - Diagnosing her or labeling what she is experiencing. Stick to what she described: trouble sleeping and thoughts that will not settle. - Promising total confidentiality if your role requires you to escalate a safety concern. If you are unsure, say: "I'll keep this between us as much as I can. If I need to involve anyone else to get you support, I'll tell you first." **Close the conversation clearly** End with one agreed step and a follow-up time: "Let's do this: you take the rest of today off direct client calls, I'll reassign the follow-up visit, and we'll check in tomorrow at 10 a.m. to see how you slept and what else might help. Does that work for you?" Then follow through on that check-in, even if she says she is fine. If trouble sleeping continues, she is unable to do daily tasks, or she feels unsafe, encourage her to reach out promptly to a health professional or your organization's support service, and offer to help her find the contact information.

Start by listening, thank her for telling you, and make a concrete plan together. You do not need to fix how she is feeling, and you do not need the details of the client's story. Here is language you can use: **In the moment** "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." "I hear you — you haven't been sleeping, and the story is staying on your mind even after work. That sounds exhausting." "Would it help to talk about what support would be useful right now? We can also just sit with this for a minute. You don't have to share details about the client." Ask, don't assume: - "How is this showing up during the workday?" - "Is your current caseload or schedule making it harder to rest?" - "What has helped you reset after a hard day in the past, if anything?" **Make support specific** Offer clear options, and let her choose: - A short break now, or time to step away from client-facing work today - A change in schedule or caseload for the next few days, if possible - Time off, and how to request it - Your organization's EAP or other counseling resource, with the phone number and how to use it - A regular check-in time with you, so she does not have to bring it up again from scratch Say what you will do: "I'll check in with you tomorrow at 10. If sleep is still a problem next week, we'll talk again about time off and other support." **What to avoid** - Don't ask her to retell the client's story. - Don't label what she is experiencing or compare it to other staff. - Don't say "you need to be stronger for the clients" or praise her for pushing through without sleep. - Don't promise confidentiality you can't keep. If your role requires you to document or escalate a safety concern, say so plainly. **Follow up** Follow up when you said you would, even if she seems better. Ask about sleep and work, keep the focus on practical support, and adjust the plan if needed. If trouble sleeping, intrusive thoughts, or distress continue, get worse, or start affecting her safety or daily life, encourage her to talk promptly with a health care professional or your EAP, and offer time away from work to do so.

Here is what to say now, and what to do next. **Say this first:** "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did. You do not have to carry this alone, and we will make a plan together." Then: 1. **Listen for a few minutes.** Let her say what is staying with her. Do not ask for more detail about the client's story than she needs to share. 2. **Offer an immediate break.** Say: "Would it help to step away for 15 minutes, get some water, or go outside? You can choose." 3. **Make a short-term plan together.** Ask: "What would help today?" Options can include a debrief with you, a pause from new intakes today, or swapping a task if coverage allows. 4. **Connect her to support.** Say: "Please use our employee support program if we have one, or another support you trust. If not sleeping continues, please reach out to a health professional or counselor. I can help you find the number." 5. **Follow up.** Say: "I will check in with you tomorrow. If things feel worse before then, please tell me or another supervisor right away." **Do not do this right now:** - Do not try to analyze why this story affected her. - Do not tell her to push through and finish the day as normal. - Do not share the client's details with other staff to explain her distress. If she says she may harm herself, or you are worried she is not safe, call 911. You can also call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. Document only that she reported distress and what support was offered. Do not document the client's story again.

Here is a calm way to respond right now, and the steps to take with her. **What to say first** 1. "Thank you for telling me. I am glad you did." 2. "You do not need to retell the client's story to me in detail." 3. "Let's pause work for a few minutes. Would you like water, a quiet room, or to step outside?" 4. "Are you safe to drive home today, and do you have support at home tonight?" Listen. Do not try to analyze why this story affected her, and do not offer clinical advice. **What to do next** 1. Offer coverage so she can take a break or end client-facing work for today, if possible. 2. Ask what would help in the next hour: a break, a change of task, or going home. 3. Connect her with support she chooses: - Your on-call supervisor: [insert number] - Employee Assistance Program, if you have one: [insert number] - A health care professional or counselor she already trusts 4. Agree on a check-in time tomorrow. Write it down for her. 5. Remind her she can use sick or personal time to rest, per your policy. Tell her exactly how to request it. **What not to do right now** - Do not ask her to keep working through it to finish a shift alone. - Do not promise confidentiality you cannot keep if safety becomes a concern. - Do not share the client's identifying details with others while arranging coverage. **If distress gets worse** If she says she may harm herself, or you believe anyone is in immediate danger, call 911. For urgent support in the U.S.: - Call or text 988 — Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - Text HOME to 741741 — Crisis Text Line Repeat these numbers to her in writing before she leaves. **After she is supported** Document only the work steps you took: break offered, coverage arranged, resources given, and check-in time. Do not document the client's story. Debrief with your own supervisor about staffing and support, without sharing private details she told you in confidence.

Here’s a compassionate, practical way to handle it—both what to say in the moment and what to do next. ### 1. What to say right now Start by listening, validating, and separating your role as manager from the role of a therapist. **A simple script:** > “Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry you’re carrying this. It makes complete sense that a story like that would stay with you, and I’m glad you felt safe enough to say something. I’m your manager, not your counselor, but I want to support you. Let’s figure out what you need right now—whether that’s time off, a lighter load, or help connecting to professional support.” **Key things to communicate:** - **Validation:** “It’s understandable that this is affecting you.” - **Appreciation:** “Thank you for trusting me enough to speak up.” - **Boundary:** “I’m here to support you at work, but I’m not a substitute for a mental health professional.” - **Confidentiality (with limits):** “I’ll keep this private, unless I ever thought you or someone else might be unsafe.” ### 2. Immediate next steps - **Ask what would help:** “Would time off today or this week help? Would it help to step off this case or shift some responsibilities temporarily?” - **Offer your EAP or health benefits:** Share the employee assistance program (EAP) number, counseling resources, or your company’s mental health benefits. Offer to help them make the call if they’re overwhelmed. - **Adjust workload if possible:** If they can’t sleep and are ruminating, they may not be safe or effective doing certain tasks (e.g., driving, operating machinery, high-stakes client work). Temporarily reassign duties if you can. - **Schedule a check-in:** “Let’s touch base in a few days to see how you’re doing and whether the adjustments are helping.” ### 3. What NOT to say - “Just don’t think about it.” / “You need to leave work at work.” - “Other people have it worse.” - “Are you sure you can handle this job?” - Anything that sounds like a diagnosis (“You’re traumatized,” “You have anxiety”). ### 4. Watch for red flags Lack of sleep plus intrusive thoughts can signal **secondary traumatic stress** or **vicarious trauma**, especially if she works in healthcare, social services, law, emergency response, or a similar field. Encourage her to see a professional if: - She can’t function at work or home - She has hopelessness, panic, or numbness - She mentions self-harm or harm to others (in which case, follow your company’s safety/emergency protocol immediately) ### 5. Follow up as a manager After the initial conversation: - Document the conversation briefly (date, what was discussed, accommodations offered) for HR/your records. - Respect her privacy—don’t share details with the rest of the team. - Check in regularly, but don’t make her the “traumatized employee” in everyone’s eyes. Treat it like any other health-related accommodation. If you want, tell me a bit more about your industry or whether she works directly with trauma survivors, and I can tailor the language further.

Here’s a compassionate, practical way to respond—both in the moment and in the days that follow. ### What to say right now Start with validation and support, not problem-solving. You don’t need to be her therapist; you need to be her manager. **Try something like:** > “Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry you’re carrying this. It makes complete sense that a story like that would stay with you, and it’s not a sign that you’re not good at your job. Let’s figure out how to support you so you can get some rest and feel steadier.” **Then ask open, low-pressure questions:** - “What would be most helpful right now—time off, a lighter caseload, or just someone to check in with?” - “Do you feel safe continuing to work with this client, or would a temporary handoff help?” - “Would you like me to help you connect with our Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or a counselor?” **Avoid saying:** - “Just leave it at work.” - “You need to toughen up / not take it personally.” - “At least it’s not you.” - Asking for graphic details of the client’s story (unless there’s an immediate safety or confidentiality issue). --- ### Key principles to keep in mind 1. **You’re the manager, not the clinician.** Your role is to listen, accommodate, and connect her to professional support—not to process the trauma with her. 2. **Normalize without minimizing.** Acknowledge that this is a known occupational hazard (often called vicarious trauma, secondary traumatic stress, or compassion fatigue), especially in helping professions. 3. **Protect confidentiality.** Keep what she shares private unless there’s a safety risk or a mandatory reporting obligation. 4. **Act quickly on sleep deprivation.** Lack of sleep impairs judgment and safety, especially if she’s driving, operating machinery, or making clinical/legal decisions. --- ### Practical steps you can offer - **Immediate relief:** Offer her the rest of the day off, a mental health day, or a shift in schedule so she can sleep. - **Workload adjustment:** Temporarily reassign the client or reduce her caseload. If she works directly with this client, consider a co-worker sitting in on sessions or reviewing case notes. - **Professional referral:** Provide the EAP number, your health plan’s mental health resources, or a list of local therapists. Offer to make the call with her if she’s overwhelmed. - **Peer support:** If your organization has a debriefing group, supervision, or a trusted colleague, offer to connect her. - **Follow-up:** Schedule a check-in in a few days (not a performance review—just a “how are you doing?” conversation). --- ### When to escalate If she expresses any of the following, encourage her to seek urgent help and consider whether you need to involve HR or a safety protocol: - Thoughts of self-harm or suicide - Inability to function at all (not eating, not leaving the house, panic attacks) - Signs of substance use to cope - Concerns that the client is in danger or that she may be unable to maintain professional boundaries If you’re unsure, contact your HR partner or EAP for guidance on how to support her while respecting workplace policies. --- ### A sample follow-up message (email or chat) > “Hi [Name], I wanted to follow up on our conversation. No pressure to reply right away, but I wanted to check in and see how you’re sleeping and whether the adjustments we discussed are helping. I’m here if you want to talk, and I can also help you get connected to [EAP/counseling resource] if you haven’t already. Take care of yourself.” If you want, tell me a little more about your industry (e.g., healthcare, social work, law, veterinary, etc.) and I can tailor the language further.

I'm sorry you're both carrying this. Here is what you can say to her: "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you came to me. Let's figure out what support looks like for you right now—whether that's time off, a lighter caseload, or talking with someone. You don't have to carry this alone." Then follow up with concrete steps: - Ask what she needs from you this week. - Connect her to your employee assistance program or a counselor if your organization offers one. - Adjust her workload if she needs space. - Check in again soon, and keep the check-ins regular. If she talks about harming herself or feeling unable to stay safe, help her reach a crisis line or emergency services right away. In the U.S., the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is 988, available 24/7.

I'm sorry you're both carrying this. Here is a way to respond that centers her wellbeing and keeps boundaries clear. **Say something like this:** "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you came to me. Let's figure out what support looks like for you right now." Then ask directly: - "Are you safe right now?" - "Do you need time off, a lighter caseload, or a different assignment for a while?" - "Would you like help connecting with our employee assistance program or a counselor?" **What to keep in mind:** - Listen more than you speak. You don't need to fix the client's story or give her advice about the work. - Don't ask for details of the client's story unless she volunteers them. If she does share, listen without judgment and avoid repeating identifying details. - If she mentions thoughts of harming herself, treat it as urgent. Help her reach a crisis line or emergency services, and stay with her or make sure someone is with her until she is safe. - Follow up in a day or two. A single conversation isn't enough; ongoing check-ins show you mean it. **If your organization has an employee assistance program, peer support, or clinical supervision, offer to connect her with it today.** You are her supervisor, not her therapist—your job is to make sure she gets professional support and that her workload allows her to use it.

I'm sorry you're both carrying this. Here is what you can say to her, and what to do next. **What to say to her** "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you came to me. It makes sense that a client's story would stay with you, and you don't have to carry it alone. Let's figure out what support looks like for you right now." Then ask directly: - "Are you safe right now?" - "Do you need to step away from client work for a bit?" - "What would help you sleep tonight?" **What to do** 1. If she says she might hurt herself or someone else, call 911 or take her to the nearest emergency department. 2. Connect her to your employee assistance program (EAP) or a mental health professional. If you don't have the number, look it up together. 3. Offer to adjust her caseload or schedule temporarily. Secondary traumatic stress is real, and time off client work is a reasonable accommodation, not a punishment. 4. Check in with her in a day or two. One conversation is not enough. **Resources to share** - 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 - Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741 **For you as a manager** You don't need to be her therapist. You need to be her supervisor: listen, connect her to help, and adjust work so she can recover. If your organization has a critical incident or staff support process, use it. If she is in immediate danger or you believe she may be, do not wait. Call 911.

I'm sorry you're both carrying this. Here is what you can say to her, and what to do next. **What to say to her** "Thank you for telling me. It makes sense that a client's story would stay with you. You don't have to carry it alone. Here is what I'd like us to do: 1. **Talk now, briefly.** Tell me what is on your mind. I will listen without trying to fix it. 2. **Take a break.** Step away from client work for the rest of today if you can. We will cover your cases. 3. **Use our support resources.** Our employee assistance program is confidential. Here is the number: [insert EAP number]. You can also text or call 988 if you need to talk to someone right now. 4. **Check in tomorrow.** I will send you a message tomorrow morning just to see how you are. No reply is required. You are not expected to be unaffected by this work. Feeling shaken is not a sign that you cannot do the job. It is a sign that you are human. **What to do as her supervisor** - Do not ask for details of the client's story unless she volunteers them. Protect her privacy and the client's privacy. - Do not offer clinical advice or try to counsel her yourself. Connect her to a professional. - Reduce her client load temporarily if she needs it. - Document that you had this conversation and what support you offered, without recording the client's story. - Follow up in a day or two. Secondary traumatic stress can show up days or weeks later. **Resources to share** - 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 (24/7, free, confidential) - Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741 - Your employee assistance program: [insert number] If she says she cannot sleep, feels unsafe, or thinks she might harm herself or someone else, encourage her to call 988 or go to the nearest emergency department right away. Offer to stay with her on the phone or sit with her while she makes the call.