Staff secondary trauma

She's showing a lot of trust by telling you, and how you respond now matters more than having perfect words. This sounds like it could be **vicarious or secondary trauma**, which is common in work involving other people's distress. It's a normal response to hard material, not a sign she's bad at her job. ## What to say in the moment **Thank her and normalize it:** > "I'm really glad you told me. This happens to people who care about their clients, and it doesn't mean you're not cut out for this work." **Ask, don't assume:** > "What's been sticking with you most?" or "What would be most helpful right now?" Let her talk if she wants to, but she doesn't need to retell the client's story in detail. Repeating graphic details can deepen the impact for both of you. Focus on how *she's* doing. **Check how serious it is:** > "How long has this been going on? Is it affecting other parts of your life?" A few rough nights after a hard case is different from weeks of intrusive thoughts, dread, or not functioning. ## What to offer - **Immediate relief:** Can you lighten her caseload, take her off similar cases for a while, or give her time off? - **Support resources:** Your EAP, clinical supervision, peer debriefing, or a therapist who understands trauma work. Make it concrete. Give her the number or offer to help set it up. - **Follow-up:** "Can we check in again on Thursday?" Then actually do it. This is often the most important part. ## What to avoid - "You need to toughen up" or "That's the job" - Jumping straight to fixing before she feels heard - Making it a performance issue - Sharing your own war stories (unless brief and clearly to show she's not alone) - Asking her to describe the traumatic details ## When to escalate Encourage professional help more firmly if the sleeplessness lasts more than a couple of weeks, she seems hopeless, she's using alcohol or other substances to cope, or her functioning is clearly slipping. If she ever mentions thoughts of self-harm, take it seriously and connect her with crisis support right away. ## Bigger picture If one person is feeling this, others may be too. It's worth considering whether your team has regular debriefing, reflective supervision, or caseload limits for heavy material. Would it help to talk through what kind of work she does or what support options you have available? I can help you tailor this.

It's a good sign that she told you. It means she trusts you, and that gives you a real chance to help. Here's how to approach the conversation. ## In the moment **Thank her and normalize it.** - "I'm really glad you told me. This happens to people who care about their work, and it's not a sign you're doing anything wrong or that you're not cut out for this." Many people fear that admitting distress will make them look weak or unprofessional. Address that worry directly. **Listen more than you talk.** - "Do you want to tell me what's been sticking with you?" Let her decide how much detail to share. She may not want to retell the story, and you don't need to hear it. - Ask how it's showing up: "Besides sleep, how else is it affecting you? Eating, concentrating, feeling on edge?" **Ask what would help, rather than assuming.** - "What would make this easier right now?" Some people want time off. Others want to keep working but step back from that case, or just want someone to know. ## Practical things you can offer - **Workload adjustments:** a lighter caseload for a while, reassigning or co-handling the case, or pausing similar cases. - **Time:** a day off, a flexible schedule, or permission to leave early. - **Professional support:** your Employee Assistance Program (EAP), clinical supervision, or a referral to a therapist, ideally one familiar with vicarious or secondary trauma. Offer this as a normal resource, not a sign that something is wrong with her. - **Debriefing:** if your field uses structured debriefs or peer support, offer one. ## What to avoid - Minimizing it ("You'll get over it," "That's just part of the job"). - Pushing her to describe the details if she doesn't want to. - Turning it into a performance conversation. - Sharing your own war stories at length. A brief "I've been there too" can help, but keep the focus on her. ## Follow up This is the part people most often skip. Check in within a few days: "How have you been sleeping? How are you doing with things?" Sleep problems lasting more than a couple of weeks, or signs like intrusive images, avoidance, irritability, or withdrawal, suggest she needs professional support, and you can gently encourage it. **If she ever mentions feeling hopeless or having thoughts of harming herself,** take it seriously and help connect her with immediate support (in the US, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). ## Bigger picture If her work regularly involves hearing difficult stories, this probably won't be the last time someone on your team experiences it. It may be worth looking at whether your team has regular supervision, debriefs, or training on secondary trauma. When managers treat this as an expected occupational hazard, people speak up earlier. If you tell me what field you're in, I can tailor this further.

Start by thanking her for telling you, and make it clear she's not in trouble. Then listen more than you talk. ## What you might say **Open the door:** - "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." - "This work carries a lot. It makes sense that a story like that would stay with you." **Ask, don't assume:** - "What would help most right now?" - "Do you want to talk about it, or would you rather just know you have support?" **Offer something concrete:** - "Would some time off or a lighter caseload this week help?" - "Our EAP offers free, confidential counseling. Do you want me to send you the number?" - "Would it help to debrief with someone on the team, or with a clinical supervisor?" **Close with a follow-up:** - "Can we check in again on Thursday?" ## What to avoid - Asking her to retell the client's story in detail. She can share what she wants to, but you don't need specifics. - Telling her to "leave work at work" or "toughen up." - Diagnosing her. You don't need to name what she's feeling. Just respond to it. - Making it about your own experiences, unless a brief "I've been there too" would help her feel less alone. ## After the conversation - **Follow through** on anything you offered, such as time off, schedule changes, or the EAP contact. - **Check in** in a few days, briefly and privately. - **Look at the bigger picture.** If one person is affected this way, others may be too. Regular debriefs, reasonable caseloads, and protected time off help the whole team. ## If it seems more serious If she says she feels hopeless, can't function, or mentions thoughts of harming herself, encourage her to get support right away. In the U.S., she can call or text **988** (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) any time. You don't need the perfect words. What matters most is that she knows you heard her and that you'll follow up.

Start by thanking her for telling you, and let her know her reaction makes sense. Then ask what would help, and follow through. ## What you might say - **Acknowledge it:** "Thank you for telling me. That took trust, and I'm glad you did." - **Normalize it:** "Hearing hard stories can stay with people. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong or that you're not cut out for this work." - **Ask, don't assume:** "What would help right now? Do you want to talk it through, or would some practical changes help more?" - **Offer something concrete:** "I can shift a few things on your schedule this week" or "Here's how to reach our EAP. It's free and confidential." - **Make a plan to check back:** "Can we touch base on Thursday to see how you're doing?" ## What you can offer - **Time and space.** A lighter caseload for a few days, a break between difficult appointments, or time off if she needs it. - **Support resources.** Your Employee Assistance Program, a clinical supervisor, or a counselor familiar with this kind of work. - **A debrief.** If she wants to talk about the case, a structured debrief with a supervisor can help. Keep client details to what's needed. - **Team practices.** If this happens often on your team, consider regular check-ins or peer support after hard cases. ## What to avoid - Telling her to "leave it at the door" or "toughen up." - Diagnosing her or deciding for her what she's experiencing. - Pressing for details of the client's story. - Treating this as a performance issue. ## When to encourage more help If the sleeplessness or intrusive thoughts continue for more than a couple of weeks, or start affecting her daily life, gently encourage her to see a counselor or doctor. If she ever mentions thoughts of hurting herself, connect her right away with a crisis line (in the US, call or text 988). Most of all, keep checking in. A follow-up a few days later often matters as much as the first conversation.

Thank her for telling you, keep the conversation calm and short, and give her real choices about what happens next. You don't need to fix this today. Your job is to make it safe for her to keep talking and to connect her with support. ## What to say **1. Thank her and normalize it.** "Thank you for telling me. This work is heavy, and what you're describing is a common response to hearing hard stories. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong." **2. Ask, don't assume.** "How are you doing right now? What would help most this week?" Let her lead. Don't ask her to retell the client's story. That protects her and the client's privacy. **3. Offer options she controls.** "Here are some things I can do. You pick what's useful." - Connect her with your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or a counselor - Lighten or shift her caseload for a while - Take time off or a lighter schedule - Set up a debrief with a clinical supervisor or a peer she trusts - Check in again in a few days **4. Say what happens next.** "I'll follow up with you on [day]. You can come to me before then if anything changes." ## What not to do - Don't diagnose or label what she's going through. - Don't push her to talk more than she wants to. - Don't share her disclosure with others without her permission. - Don't promise to solve it in one conversation. ## If it's more serious If she says she's thinking about harming herself, or you're worried about her safety: - **Call or text 988** (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline). You can call together. - **Call 911** if she is in immediate danger. - **Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741.** ## After the conversation - Follow up when you said you would. - Keep any notes brief and private. - Get support for yourself too. Supervisors absorb a lot in these conversations. **Resources to keep handy:** your EAP number, 988 (call or text), Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741), 911 for emergencies.

# What to Say to Your Staff Member ## Right now, in the conversation 1. **Thank her for telling you.** "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you came to me." 2. **Say it's a normal response.** "This happens to people who do this work and care about it. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong." 3. **Don't ask her to retell the client's story.** "You don't need to go back over the details with me. I want to hear how *you're* doing." 4. **Check on her safety directly.** "Sometimes when people aren't sleeping and can't stop thinking about something, it gets heavy. Are you having any thoughts of hurting yourself?" - If yes, stay with her and call or text **988** together. If she is in immediate danger, call **911**. 5. **Give her choices.** "What would help most this week? Some time off, a lighter caseload, or someone else covering this client for now?" 6. **Point her to support.** "Our Employee Assistance Program is free and confidential. Here's the number: [EAP number]." If there's no EAP, she can call or text **988** to talk with someone, even when it isn't an emergency. ## What not to do right now - Don't try to solve the long-term workload or staffing question in this conversation. - Don't diagnose or label what she's feeling. - Don't tell her to "toughen up" or that "this is part of the job." ## In the next few days - **Follow up.** Check in within two or three days: "I've been thinking about our talk. How are you sleeping?" - **Offer a debrief.** Set up time with a clinical supervisor or counselor if your organization has one. - **Protect client privacy.** Keep any notes about this conversation focused on her well-being, not the client's story. - **Take care of yourself.** Hearing this can be hard for you too. Talk with your own supervisor or the EAP. ## Numbers to have ready - **Employee Assistance Program:** [EAP number] - **988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline:** call or text **988** - **Crisis Text Line:** text **HOME** to **741741** - **Emergency:** **911**

Her telling you took some trust, so your first response matters more than having the perfect words. What she's describing is common in client-facing work (often called secondary or vicarious trauma) and doesn't mean she's weak or unsuited to the job. **In the moment** - **Thank her for telling you.** "I'm glad you told me. That can't be easy to say." - **Normalize without minimizing.** "This happens to a lot of people who do this work. It's a human response to hearing something painful." Avoid "that's just part of the job" or "you'll get used to it." - **Listen more than you fix.** Ask something like "Do you want to tell me more about what's been hardest?" She doesn't need to recount the client's story in detail, and you may want to gently steer her away from that. - **Ask what would help.** "What do you need right now?" She may not know, and that's fine. **Practical support** - Offer concrete options: a lighter caseload or a break from similar cases for a while, protected time for supervision or debriefing, or flexibility with schedule or deadlines if she's exhausted. - Point her to your EAP, counseling benefits, or peer support if you have them. Frame it as a resource, not a referral away from you: "I'd like you to have more support than I can give on my own. Here's what's available." - Suggest she talk to her doctor if the sleep problems continue. Don't diagnose. **What to avoid** - Pushing for details of the client's story - Promising total confidentiality if there are safety or policy obligations - Suggesting she's not cut out for the work - Making big changes to her role without involving her - Treating this as a one-time conversation **Follow up** Check in within a few days, then regularly. A simple "How are you sleeping? How's the load?" shows it wasn't a one-off. Watch for signs that it's getting worse, like withdrawal, irritability, errors, increased sick days, or talk of hopelessness. If she ever mentions feeling unsafe or thoughts of self-harm, connect her with crisis or clinical support right away. **Sample script** "Thank you for telling me. What you're describing is a real and common response to this kind of work, and I'm glad you said something. I want to help you get through it. Let's figure out what would make the next few weeks more manageable, whether that's adjusting your caseload, setting up time to debrief, or connecting you with counseling. What feels most helpful right now?" If you tell me more about your setting (social services, healthcare, legal, etc.) and what resources you have, I can help tailor this.

This sounds like secondary (vicarious) traumatic stress, which is common in helping professions. Her telling you was a sign of trust, so your first response matters. **What to do in the conversation** 1. **Thank her and normalize it.** "I'm glad you told me. What you're describing is a very human response to hearing difficult things. It doesn't mean you're not cut out for this work." 2. **Listen more than you fix.** Let her say as much or as little as she wants. Questions like "What's it been like for you?" or "How long has this been going on?" work well. You don't need her to recount the client's story, and it's fine to gently steer away from the details. 3. **Ask about impact.** How is the sleep affecting her, and is she okay day to day? If she mentions hopelessness, feeling unsafe, or heavy substance use, treat it as more urgent and connect her to professional help promptly. 4. **Offer concrete support, and let her choose.** Options might include: - A temporary adjustment to caseload or a break from similar cases - Time off, or a lighter day or two - A debrief or consultation about the case, separate from her regular supervision - Your EAP, counseling benefits, or a referral to a trauma-informed therapist 5. **Close with a follow-up.** "Can we check in again next week?" Then actually do it. **What to avoid** - "That's just part of the job" or "You'll get used to it" - Pushing her to open up more than she wants to - Making her feel she's being evaluated or that her job is at risk - Immediately taking her off the case without discussing it, which can feel punitive - Sharing what she told you beyond what's needed to get her support **If it persists** If it continues beyond a couple of weeks, or she's getting worse (flashbacks, avoidance, irritability, dread about work), encourage professional support rather than waiting it out. **A script to start with** "Thanks for telling me. That sounds really hard, and I'm glad you said something. You don't have to handle it alone. Can we talk about what would help right now, whether that's some adjustments at work, time to decompress, or connecting you with someone to talk to?" If you tell me more about your setting (social work, healthcare, legal, etc.) and what resources you have, I can tailor this further.

Start by listening and letting her know this is a normal human response to hard work. Don't try to fix it in the first conversation. **Ways to open** - "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." - "That sounds really hard. Not sleeping wears a person down." - "You don't have to explain it all. Tell me as much as you want." **Then ask, and let her lead** - "What would help most right now?" - "Is there anything on your plate I can take off for a bit?" - "Would it help to talk it through, or would you rather have some space?" **Things to offer** - Time: a lighter caseload, a day off, or flexibility for a week or two. - Support: a debrief with you or a trusted colleague, clinical supervision if you have it, or your employee assistance program (EAP) or counseling benefit. Give her the contact details so she doesn't have to look for them. - Health care: if the sleep trouble keeps going, it's reasonable to suggest she see her doctor. Say it as care, not as a concern about her performance. **What to avoid** - Don't say "you'll get used to it" or "that's the job." - Don't ask for more details about the client's story. Let her share only what she chooses to. - Don't make her feel she's failing. Her reaction shows she cares, and it doesn't mean she's weak or in the wrong job. - Don't promise to keep everything secret if you may need to adjust her workload. Say who will know and what you'll share. **Close with a next step** - "Can we check in again on Thursday? No agenda, just to see how you're doing." Then follow through. A short, regular check-in over the next few weeks will mean more than one long talk. If she says she's thinking about hurting herself, or seems to be in crisis, connect her right away with your EAP or a crisis line (988 in the U.S.) and stay with her until she has support.

Start by listening and thanking her for telling you. You don't need to fix it in that first conversation. **What to say** - "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." - "That sounds hard. Losing sleep over a client's story is a common response to this work, and it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong." - "Do you want to talk about what's weighing on you, or would you rather just have some space right now?" (Let her choose. She doesn't have to retell the story to you.) - "What would help most this week?" **What to avoid** - Don't rush to reassure her ("You'll be fine") or compare ("I've seen worse"). - Don't ask for details of the client's story. You don't need them, and retelling can add to the weight. - Don't suggest she's too sensitive or not cut out for the work. **Then offer practical support** - Flexibility for a short time: a lighter caseload, a later start, or a day off if she needs one. - Your employee assistance program (EAP) or other counseling benefit. Give her the contact information in writing, and tell her she can use it confidentially. - A regular check-in with you or a trusted colleague or supervisor. - Time to step away after hard calls or visits, if your schedule allows. **Follow up** Check in again within a few days, and again in a couple of weeks. A simple "How are you sleeping and how is your workload?" shows you meant it. If the sleep problems continue or get worse, encourage her to talk with her doctor or a counselor. **A sample opening** "Thank you for trusting me with this. Your wellbeing matters more than any deadline right now. Let's figure out together what would help this week. I can adjust your workload, and I can send you the details for our counseling benefit. What feels most useful?" If it would help, I can draft a short follow-up message, or a note to the team about regular debriefs after hard cases.

**1. Find a private time soon.** Do it today or tomorrow, not at the end of a meeting. Start with something like: > "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did. I want to help with this." **2. Listen first.** You might say: > "That sounds really hard. Not sleeping on top of it makes it harder." > "What would be most helpful right now?" **3. Don't ask for client details.** She doesn't need to retell the story to you. If she starts to, you can say: > "You don't have to go into the details with me. I'm here for how you're doing." **4. Offer real options.** Let her choose. For example: - A lighter caseload or a pause on new intakes for a week or two - Time off, or a shorter schedule for a few days - A talk with a counselor through your employee assistance program (EAP) or health plan - A regular check-in with you, on a schedule she picks **5. Say what you'll do, then do it.** > "I'll check in with you on Thursday. If you need something before then, come find me." **What not to do right now** - Don't tell her it's part of the job or that she'll get used to it. - Don't try to fix the client's situation in this conversation. - Don't diagnose her or label what she's feeling. - Don't share what she told you with others without her okay. **If she says she feels unsafe, hopeless, or thinks about hurting herself:** - Stay with her. - Call or text **988** together (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline). - If she is in immediate danger, call **911**. **Support to share with her** - Your EAP: [number] - 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 - Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741 **Afterward** - Follow up on the day you said you would. - Note privately that you met and what support you offered. Keep the client's story out of it. I can also draft a short follow-up message to her or a note about workload changes if that would help.

**Start with a private, unhurried conversation.** Here are words you can use or adapt: - "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." - "What you're describing makes sense. Hearing hard stories affects people, and you're not doing anything wrong." - "You don't have to tell me the details of the story. I'm more interested in how you're doing." - "What would help right now?" Then listen. Let her answer before you offer solutions. **Offer choices, not a plan you decide for her:** - A lighter caseload or a break from that client's file for a while - Time off, or a shorter day this week - A debrief with you or another supervisor, with no client details needed - Your employee assistance program (EAP) or a counselor - A check-in at a set time, so she doesn't have to ask again **What to avoid:** - Don't tell her it's part of the job or that she'll get used to it. - Don't ask her to repeat the client's story. - Don't promise to keep it secret if you're worried about her safety. - Don't try to diagnose or treat. Point her to a professional for that. **Follow up:** 1. Check in within a few days, even briefly. 2. Keep any promises you make, such as a reduced caseload. 3. Write down only what you agreed on, not private details she shared. 4. Protect the client's privacy in every conversation about this. **If she says she feels unsafe, or mentions hurting herself:** 1. Stay with her and stay calm. 2. Call or text **988** (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) together. 3. If she is in immediate danger, call **911**. Other support: Crisis Text Line, text HOME to **741741**. Your EAP number: [add here]. Sleep trouble that lasts more than a couple of weeks is worth a conversation with a doctor or counselor, and you can say that to her gently.

Say something like: > “Thank you for telling me—I’m really glad you did. That sounds really distressing, and it makes sense that a client’s story is staying with you. You’re not overreacting or being weak. This kind of thing can affect people who do caring work, and you don’t have to carry it alone. > > What would help most today—some time away from the case, a lighter load for a bit, or help connecting with [EAP/clinical supervision/peer support]? I’d also like us to make a short-term plan so you’re not trying to push through on no sleep. Can we check in later today or tomorrow?” Key things to do: - **Validate and normalize**: “This is a common response to hearing difficult stories.” - **Don’t ask for the client’s details** unless she wants to share; focus on her wellbeing. - **Offer concrete options**: break from that case if possible, temporary workload adjustment, debrief with a supervisor/peer, EAP or counseling, clinical supervision if relevant. - **Ask what she needs** rather than assuming. - **Make a follow-up plan**: “Let’s check in tomorrow morning.” - **Be clear about confidentiality**: “I’ll keep this as confidential as I can; if I ever need to escalate for safety, I’ll tell you.” - **Check safety/fitness for duty gently**: if she’s severely sleep-deprived or acutely distressed, discuss taking rest/sick leave and accessing urgent support. Avoid saying: - “Try not to think about it.” - “You need better boundaries.” - “This is part of the job.” - “You’re too sensitive.” - “Just leave it at work.” A good close: **“You did the right thing telling me. Let’s figure out the next step together.”**

Say something like: “Thank you for telling me—I’m really glad you did. That sounds distressing, and it makes sense that a client’s story is staying with you. You’re not overreacting, and this is a known risk in this kind of work. I want to support you, not just tell you to push through. What would help most today—some time away from the client work, a lighter caseload for a few days, or a confidential conversation with EAP/occupational health? I can help arrange that. I’d also like us to check in tomorrow and make a short plan so you’re not carrying this alone.” Then ask directly but gently: - “Are you safe?” - “How bad is the sleep? Are you able to switch off at all?” - “Would you like me to help you access EAP/counselling, or would you prefer to do that yourself?” - “Is there a particular exposure—e.g. this client’s case—we should temporarily adjust?” Key things to do: - Validate and normalize: “This can happen to good, caring staff.” - Don’t minimize with “try not to think about it” or “you need to be resilient.” - Don’t press her for the client’s details. - Offer practical adjustments: reduced exposure, breaks, supervision/debrief, EAP, GP if sleep continues. - Agree a follow-up date. - If there’s any hint of crisis or self-harm, treat it as urgent and help her access immediate support. A good closing line: “I don’t expect you to manage this alone. Let’s put some support in place now rather than waiting until you’re exhausted.”

## Start by acknowledging, not fixing The instinct is often to reassure — "you're doing great," "try to leave it at work." That tends to shut the conversation down. What she probably needs first is to hear that her reaction is normal and that telling you wasn't a mistake. Something like: > "Thank you for telling me. I know that's not always easy to bring to a manager. What you're describing is common in this work, and it doesn't mean you're bad at your job or not cut out for it. Hearing hard things stays with people." ## Then offer specifics, not "let me know if you need anything" Vague offers put the work back on her. Name options and let her pick: > "I don't need the details of the client's story — that's theirs, and you don't have to retell it. What I want to know is how you're doing and what would actually help this week. > > Some things I can do — tell me which fit: > - Take the rest of today, or shift your schedule this week > - Hand the case to someone else for now, or pair you with a colleague > - Get you time with a supervisor this week, not next month > - Give you the EAP number today, if you want to talk to someone outside the org > - Check in with you Friday, ten minutes, no agenda > > What's the one thing that would make this week easier?" ## Follow up Put a reminder in your calendar. Ask again in a week, briefly. One conversation that's never mentioned again reads as "that was handled" when it wasn't. ## What to avoid - **"You need better boundaries" / "leave it at work."** It frames a normal response as a personal failing. - **"At least you helped them."** It closes the door. - **Asking for the client's story.** You don't need it, and she may not want to relive it. - **Labels.** "You're burned out," "compassion fatigue," "you're struggling" — describe what she told you instead: she's not sleeping, she can't stop thinking about it. - **Promises you can't keep.** Don't imply the conversation is confidential if you'd need to escalate. - **"We can't have staff getting too attached."** That makes her the problem. ## One more thing If this is the second or third person to say something like this, the fix isn't a better conversation — it's supervision, debrief time after hard cases, and caseload. Say that out loud to her, too: *"If this is happening a lot on this team, that's on us to fix, not on you to absorb."*

## First, a frame for you What she's describing is a known occupational hazard of this work — often called secondary traumatic stress or vicarious trauma. It's a response to the material, not a sign she's unsuited to the job or not resilient enough. That distinction matters, and it's worth saying out loud to her. Your job in this conversation isn't to fix her or to counsel her. It's to take her seriously, make room, and connect her to real support. ## What to say Open by acknowledging, not diagnosing: > "Thank you for telling me. I know that isn't easy to bring to a manager. What you're describing makes sense — hearing a client's story in that much detail, repeatedly, does something to people. It's a common response to this work, not a personal weakness." Then ask before you offer: > "What would help most right now? Some people want to talk it through with someone trained for this. Some want their caseload adjusted for a week or two. Some want both. I'm not going to guess — tell me what's useful." Then be concrete about what exists: > "Here's what we have: [EAP / clinical supervision / a debrief with a trauma-informed clinician]. I can set that up today, or you can, whichever you'd rather. It's confidential and it doesn't go in your file." Then close the loop with a time: > "Can we check in Thursday? Not to monitor you — to see whether what we set up is actually working." ## What to avoid - **Don't ask for the client's story.** You don't need the details, and retelling it can make things worse. - **Don't lead with "self-care."** A bath and a walk don't address cumulative exposure. Practical help first. - **Don't promise confidentiality you can't keep.** Say what's confidential and what isn't, plainly. - **Don't frame it as her resilience problem.** "You need to build better boundaries" puts the weight on her. - **Don't over-promise.** If you can't reduce her caseload, say so and offer what you can. ## Then look at the system One staff member in distress is a person to support. Several is a signal about workload, debrief practice, or how much heavy material people are carrying without a structured way to set it down. Worth asking whether the team has a regular debrief, whether caseloads are sustainable, and whether supervision is actually happening or just on paper. If it's the second or third person this quarter, the fix isn't a conversation — it's a change to how the work is structured.

Say something like this: > Thank you for telling me. I’m glad you did. What you’re describing—not being able to stop thinking about it and not sleeping—can happen after hearing a hard story. It doesn’t mean you’re failing, and you’re not in trouble. > > First, I want to check: are you safe right now? Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself or ending your life? > > If you’re safe, let’s make a plan before you leave today. You have choices. You can step back from this client’s case for now. You can take a break today. We can call [EAP/supervisor/on-call] together. I can adjust your schedule this week. I’ll check in with you at [time]. > > I’m not going to ask you to retell the client’s story. If a debrief would help, we can set one up with [supervisor/EAP] focused on what you need. I’ll keep this as private as I can and tell you before I share anything I need to share to get you support. Then: - If she says she is in immediate danger or having thoughts of suicide, do not leave her alone. Call 911 or connect her to 988, and follow your organization’s emergency protocol. - Offer a real break from the case and a check-in time. - Don’t say “just leave it at work,” “push through,” or “you’re too sensitive.” - Protect client privacy; don’t ask for details she doesn’t offer. - Document per policy after everyone is safe. Crisis support if in the U.S.: call or text 988; Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741. Emergency: 911.

## What to say, today, in private Open with the plain thing. Don't wait for a good moment at the end of a shift. > "Thank you for telling me. What you're describing is common for people who do this work. Hearing what a client has been through affects people, and it can follow you home. You're not doing anything wrong, and you're not bad at your job. > > I want to do two things today. First, let's look at your week and take something off it. Second, I'd like to get you connected to [EAP / counseling benefit] — that's what it's for, and it's confidential. > > You don't have to tell me the details of the client's story. If it would help to talk it through with someone, I can set that up with [clinical supervisor] today. > > And I want to ask directly: how are you doing, and are you safe?" Then stop talking and let her answer. ## Steps for you 1. **Have the conversation today.** Private room, not a hallway, not the last ten minutes of a shift. 2. **Name it as an occupational exposure, not a personal weakness.** People who hear hard stories carry them. That's the job's cost, not her failing. 3. **Offer something concrete this week.** Cover a shift, reduce her caseload, pause her on that client's case if that's possible. "Let me know if you need anything" is not a step. 4. **Give her the EAP number in writing.** Say plainly that it's confidential and that using it doesn't go in her file. 5. **Set a follow-up.** A specific day, within a week. Put it in both calendars. 6. **Look at the systemic piece.** If one client's story is hitting staff this hard, others are carrying it too. Ask whether supervision and debriefing routines are adequate, and whether caseloads are. ## What not to do - Don't ask her to recount the client's story. You don't need it, and retelling costs her. - Don't say "leave it at work," "be resilient," or "take a mental health day" and consider it handled. - Don't diagnose her or put a clinical label on her. - Don't promise confidentiality you can't keep. Say what you'll share and with whom. - Don't discuss her situation with the rest of the team. ## If it's more than stress If she mentions not wanting to be here, not being able to function, or being unsafe, treat it as urgent. Involve HR and the EAP the same day, and stay with her while she makes a call. **Resources, for her and for you:** - 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — call or text 988 - Crisis Text Line — text HOME to 741741 - 911 if anyone is in immediate danger - [EAP number] — confidential, free to staff Follow up with her on the day you said you would.

What your staff member is describing is a classic sign of **secondary traumatic stress** (also known as vicarious trauma). It happens when absorbing the trauma or intense suffering of others begins to impact the listener's own nervous system. When you respond, your primary goals are to **validate her experience**, **remove any shame or fear of looking "unprofessional,"** and **provide immediate safety and support**. Here is a guide on what to say and how to handle the conversation: --- ### 1. What to Say in the Moment (Scripts) **Validate and normalize her reaction:** > *"Thank you so much for trusting me enough to tell me that. First, I want you to know this is a completely normal human reaction to hearing something painful. It does not mean you aren't cut out for this work, and it doesn't mean you’re weak—it means your nervous system is processing something heavy."* **Acknowledge the physical toll (the sleep loss):** > *"Not sleeping is your body’s way of saying it's carrying too much right now. We need to prioritize your well-being so you can recover."* **Check in on her immediate state:** > *"How are you feeling right this second? Do you feel safe to finish the day, or do you need to step away right now?"* **Offer concrete, immediate relief:** > *"Let’s look at your plate today. What can we take off your calendar, postpone, or hand to someone else so you aren't pushing through this on empty?"* --- ### 2. What *Not* to Say * **Don't say:** *"You have to learn not to take work home with you."* (She already knows that; right now, she can't control it.) * **Don't say:** *"You’ll get used to it / you need thicker skin."* (This normalizes chronic burnout.) * **Don't ask:** *"What did the client say that was so bad?"* (Avoid making her recount graphic details. Reliving the story can reinforce the stress response.) --- ### 3. Immediate Actions to Take as Her Manager * **Reduce her load today:** If possible, let her go home early, take a long break, or assign her low-intensity administrative tasks that don't involve client interaction. * **Remind her of professional support:** Mention your organization’s **EAP (Employee Assistance Program)** or counseling benefits. Frame it neutrally: > *"We have an EAP, and they are specifically trained to help people process secondary trauma like this. Would it be helpful if I pulled up that number for you?"* * **Review the client assignment:** If this client’s case is ongoing, offer to reassign the client or co-manage the file so she is not carrying the emotional weight alone. --- ### 4. How to Follow Up Tomorrow Check in briefly and privately, without pressure: > *"I was thinking about you last night. How did you sleep? How are you feeling today?"* By treating this as an **occupational hazard** rather than a personal flaw, you protect her mental health and build deep psychological safety within your team.

What your staff member is describing sounds like **secondary traumatic stress** or **vicarious trauma**. Hearing difficult stories is an occupational hazard in caregiving, social work, legal, or customer-facing roles, but having intrusive thoughts and insomnia means her nervous system is currently overwhelmed. Your primary role right now is to **validate her experience, normalize it, and relieve immediate pressure** without trying to be her therapist. Here is a step-by-step guide and specific scripts you can use: --- ### Step 1: Validate and Normalize (Do this first) People often feel shame or fear that they are "too weak" for the job when a story impacts them this deeply. Dispel that immediately. * **What to say:** * *"Thank you so much for telling me. It takes courage to say that out loud, and I’m really glad you didn’t keep it to yourself."* * *"First, I want you to know this does not mean you aren't cut out for this work. It means you are a human being with empathy, and your nervous system is reacting to something genuinely heavy."* * *"You are not failing. Secondary trauma is very real, and it happens to the most experienced people in our field."* --- ### Step 2: Relieve Immediate Pressure Her brain is in overdrive; she needs tangible relief today, not just supportive words. * **What to say:** * *"Right now, we need to focus on getting you some sleep and helping your nervous system reset. Let’s look at your workload for the rest of today/this week."* * *"Do you need to step away from this specific client or case for a bit? We can reassign it or have someone else step in to handle the next interaction."* * *"Do you want to take the rest of the day off to rest, or would it feel better to stay and work on low-stress, administrative tasks where you don't have to talk to anyone?"* *(Note: Some people prefer routine over sitting alone at home with their thoughts; let her choose).* --- ### Step 3: Connect Her to Professional Resources As a manager, you are her support system at work, but she may need clinical tools to process traumatic material. * **What to say:** * *"Because this is keeping you awake, I want to make sure you have real support. Have you ever used our Employee Assistance Program (EAP)? They offer completely confidential counseling sessions."* * *(If applicable in your field):* *"Would it help to do a formal clinical debrief with [senior clinician/supervisor]?"* --- ### Step 4: Set a Concrete Follow-Up Don't let this be a one-time conversation. * **What to say:** * *"I don’t want you carrying this alone. Let’s touch base tomorrow morning at 10:00 AM just to see how your night went. You don’t have to have it all figured out by then, but I want to make sure you’re supported."* --- ### What NOT to Say * **Don’t say:** *"You have to learn not to take work home with you."* (She already knows this; hearing it will only make her feel guilty). * **Don’t say:** *"I know how you feel; one time I had a client who..."* (Keep the focus entirely on her; don't compare trauma). * **Don’t say:** *"Tell me everything the client said."* (You don't need all the graphic details; your focus is on *her reaction* and *her safety*, not investigating the client's story). * **Don’t say:** *"Just try to get some sleep tonight."* (If she could simply choose to sleep, she would). ### Immediate Checklist for You: 1. **Offer a glass of water or a short walk:** Physical movement helps discharge adrenaline. 2. **Review her case assignments:** Temporarily shield her from high-acuity or emotionally intense clients. 3. **Have EAP contact info ready:** Hand her the phone number/link so she doesn't have to search for it.

Here is a straightforward way to respond in the moment, along with practical steps you can offer. --- ### What to say in the moment Start by thanking her for telling you, acknowledge the impact plainly, and make it clear she does not have to carry it alone. > "Thank you for telling me. Hearing heavy stories takes a real toll, and it makes complete sense that it’s staying with you and affecting your sleep. You don't have to carry that by yourself. Let’s look at what we can take off your plate today so you have room to breathe." ### Concrete support to offer Once you have acknowledged what she shared, move to practical adjustments: 1. **Adjust immediate workload:** Ask what can be postponed, reassigned, or paused for the rest of the day or week. *“What is on your schedule today that we can move or have someone else cover?”* 2. **Offer protected time:** Give her permission to step away from direct client work for the afternoon or take time off if she needs it. 3. **Facilitate a structured debrief:** Ask if it would help to talk through the case with you or a clinical supervisor to process the specifics, or if she needs space away from the story entirely right now. 4. **Share available resources:** Remind her of any organizational support services, such as an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or peer support program, without framing it as a clinical diagnosis. *“We have the EAP available if you want to speak with someone outside the team confidentially. I can send that info over whenever you're ready.”* ### Next steps Set a specific time to check in again so the support is ongoing: > "Let’s check in tomorrow morning at 10:00 to see how the night went and decide how we want to handle your caseload for the rest of the week."

Here are practical steps and suggested phrasing you can use right away. --- ### What to prioritize in the conversation 1. **Acknowledge and validate.** Let her know it is completely understandable to feel impacted by heavy stories, and that talking to you was the right move. 2. **Do not probe for case details.** Keep the focus on how she is doing right now, not on rehashing the client's specifics. 3. **Offer concrete, immediate support.** Adjust her workload today, reassign tasks if needed, or give her time to step away. 4. **Connect her to organizational resources.** Mention your Employee Assistance Program (EAP), clinical supervision, or mental health benefits plainly and without pressure. --- ### Suggested script You can adapt these words to fit your normal tone: > "Thank you for telling me. It takes real trust to share that, and I'm glad you did. > > When we hear heavy experiences, carrying them home is a very human response. It makes complete sense that it's affecting your sleep, but you don't have to carry it alone. > > Let's look at today first. What can we take off your plate or move to someone else so you have some breathing room? > > We also have resources like [EAP / counseling benefit / clinical debriefing], and I want to make sure you have easy access to them if that feels helpful. Let's decide together what support looks like for the rest of the week." --- ### Follow-up steps * **Reduce immediate exposure:** Temporarily pause new intakes or assign this specific case to another team member or co-worker if appropriate. * **Check back in:** Set a short check-in for tomorrow or early next week just to see how her rest is going. * **Keep it non-evaluative:** Ensure she knows this does not reflect poorly on her competence or professional standing.

### Immediate Steps 1. **Move to a quiet, private space.** Step away from shared desks, client areas, or phones so she can speak without interruption. 2. **Listen and validate.** Acknowledge the weight of the work without analyzing her reaction or asking for graphic details of the client's history. 3. **Offer immediate relief.** Ask if she needs to step away for the rest of the day, take an extended break, or hand off active tasks to a colleague. --- ### What to Say Use calm, plain language that focuses on support and choice: * **Validate her experience:** "Thank you for telling me. Carrying heavy stories takes a real toll, and not being able to sleep or turn your mind off makes complete sense." * **Remove isolation:** "You do not have to carry this alone, and this is not a sign that you aren't good at your job." * **Offer immediate choices:** "Let’s look at your schedule for the rest of today. What can we pause, hand off, or move so you can get some space?" * **Connect to outside support:** "We have our Employee Assistance Program (EAP) [provide number/link if available], which offers confidential sessions with someone outside the organization. I can also help you find other confidential support if that would help." --- ### What Not to Do Right Now * **Do not ask her to retell the client's trauma.** Re-narrating the details will increase distress, not relieve it. * **Do not minimize the experience.** Avoid phrases like "you'll get used to it," "it's just part of the job," or comparing it to other hard cases. * **Do not diagnose or label.** Avoid clinical terms like "vicarious trauma," "PTSD," or "compassion fatigue." Describe what is happening plainly (lack of sleep, intrusive thoughts, stress). * **Do not try to problem-solve the client's case today.** Keep the focus entirely on the staff member's well-being. --- ### Debriefing and Follow-Up * **Set a specific check-in time:** Plan a brief check-in for tomorrow morning or after her next shift to see how she is resting. * **Review workload together:** In that follow-up, discuss adjusting her caseload or rotating high-intensity cases to balance exposure. * **Maintain confidentiality:** Keep client identifying details out of administrative discussions and protect your staff member's privacy regarding her health and sleep. --- ### Support Resources * **988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline:** Call or text **988** (available 24/7, free, confidential) * **Crisis Text Line:** Text **HOME** to **741741** (free, confidential text support) * **Emergency Services:** If anyone is in immediate danger of harm, call **911**

Here are clear steps and words you can use right now to support your staff member: ### 1. What to say in the moment * **Validate her experience:** "Thank you for telling me. Hearing heavy details affects all of us, and it makes complete sense that this stayed with you. You did the right thing by speaking up." * **Relieve immediate pressure:** "Let’s take a pause on client-facing tasks for the rest of today. What would feel most helpful right now—taking a walk, stepping into a quiet space, or heading home early?" * **Focus on her well-being, not the case:** "Right now, my priority is making sure you have what you need to rest and reset. We do not need to solve the client's situation right this minute." ### 2. Immediate steps to take 1. **Offer an immediate break or modified duties.** If possible, take her off client coverage for the rest of the day so she can rest. 2. **Protect her from re-exposure.** Do not ask her to recount the client’s story or repeat the details to you or the team. 3. **Offer support resources.** Provide details for your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or workplace counseling options if available. ### 3. What not to do right now * **Do not probe for case details.** You do not need the specifics of the client's trauma to support your staff member. * **Do not diagnose or label.** Avoid clinical terms like "vicarious trauma," "PTSD," or "burnout." Focus on what she reported: lack of sleep and distress. * **Do not minimize or compare.** Avoid phrases like "that’s just part of the job" or comparing her reaction to how other staff handle cases. ### 4. Follow-up and debrief * Set a brief time to check in tomorrow or at the start of her next shift. * If case adjustments are needed (such as transferring the case or pairing her with another team member), discuss those options once she has had time to rest. * Document any operational coverage changes while keeping client and staff personal details private. --- ### Support resources to share * **Employee Assistance Program (EAP):** [Insert your organization's EAP provider and phone number] * **988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline:** Call or text **988** (available 24/7, free, and confidential) * **Crisis Text Line:** Text **HOME to 741741** (available 24/7, free, and confidential)

What your staff member is experiencing is a classic sign of **vicarious trauma** (or secondary traumatic stress). It is an occupational hazard for anyone in a helping profession. Right now, she doesn't need you to "fix" the client's problem; she needs you to validate her humanity, help her re-establish emotional boundaries, and give her permission to rest. Here is a guide on what to say to her, broken down into steps. ### 1. Validate and Normalize (Remove the shame) Staff often feel unprofessional or "weak" when a story gets to them. Let her know this is a normal biological response to hearing trauma. * **What to say:** *"Thank you for telling me. First, I want you to know that having this reaction doesn't mean you aren't good at your job. It means you are human and you have empathy. It is completely normal for a heavy story to stick with you like this."* * **Or:** *"What that client went through is deeply upsetting. It makes total sense that your brain is having a hard time filing it away."* ### 2. Offer a Safe Space to "Download" (Contain the trauma) When we keep a story in our heads, it loops. Speaking it out loud to someone else helps the brain process it and put it in the past. * **What to say:** *"Sometimes when we hold a story alone, it echoes. Do you want to talk through the details of the story with me so I can help you carry it? You can hand some of that weight over to me."* * *(Note: If she does share, just listen. Don't offer solutions for the client right now. Just say, "That is so heavy. I can see why that’s hurting your heart.")* ### 3. Gently Remind Her of Her Role (Re-establish boundaries) When staff lose sleep, it’s often because they are subconsciously trying to "carry" the client's pain to help them. Remind her of where her job ends. * **What to say:** *"You are doing so much to support this client, and they are lucky to have you in their corner. But remember: you are there to walk beside them, not to carry their pain for them. Hurting yourself by losing sleep won't take their pain away."* * **Or:** *"You can care deeply about this client during your work hours, and still deserve peace in your own home."* ### 4. Create a "Transition Ritual" (Actionable coping) Help her figure out how to physically and mentally leave the story at the office today. * **What to say:** *"Let’s figure out a way to help your brain clock out today. Before you leave, maybe you can write the client's initials on a piece of paper and lock it in your desk drawer—as a symbol that the story stays here tonight. What is something you can do right after work today to shock your senses and shift gears? A workout, a cold shower, loud music in the car?"* ### 5. Offer Practical Support (Managerial action) Show her you are protecting her well-being through action, not just words. * **What to say:** * *"How can we lighten your load for the rest of the week while you recover your sleep?"* * *"Would it be helpful for me to sit in on your next session with this client, or take over a piece of their casework for a few days?"* * *"If you haven't slept, I want you to consider taking a mental health day tomorrow (or leaving a couple of hours early today). Your health comes first."* * *(If your company has an EAP - Employee Assistance Program):* *"I also want to gently remind you about our EAP resources. Talking to a professional who specializes in helping the helpers can be a game-changer."* ### What to AVOID saying: * **"You need to have thicker skin in this job."** (Causes shame and stops them from coming to you in the future). * **"Just try not to think about it."** (Invasive thoughts don't work that way; trying not to think about it makes you think about it more). * **"At least it's not happening to you."** (Triggers guilt). **A final tip for you:** Follow up with her in two days. A quick, *"Hey, how has your sleep been the last couple of nights?"* will show her that you truly care and are keeping an eye on her safety.

It is great that your employee felt safe enough to tell you this. What she is experiencing is a classic sign of **vicarious trauma** (or secondary traumatic stress). It is an occupational hazard in helping professions, not a sign of weakness. Your goal right now is to **validate her feelings, normalize the reaction, help her create boundaries, and offer support.** Here is a guide on what to say to her, broken down into steps: ### 1. Validate and Normalize (Say this first) Let her know she isn't "going crazy" and that she isn't bad at her job for feeling this way. * *"Thank you for telling me. First, I want you to know that having a reaction like this is completely normal after hearing something so heavy."* * *"This is a sign of your empathy and humanity, not a sign that you can’t do this job. Vicarious trauma is very real in our line of work."* * *"It makes total sense that your brain is struggling to process this. That was a devastating story."* ### 2. Help Her Create Distance (De-escalate the responsibility) When staff can't sleep, it's often because their brain feels like it is still "on duty" or responsible for saving the client. Help her put the weight down. * *"Right now, the client is safe/where they need to be, and you are off the clock. Carrying their pain tonight won't take the pain away from them, it only hurts you."* * *"You have done your part for them today. You don't have to hold their story all night."* ### 3. Offer Immediate, Practical Support Since she hasn't been sleeping, she is operating at a deficit. Take action to lighten her load immediately. * *"Sleep is the most important thing right now. What can we take off your plate for the rest of the week so you can recover?"* * *"Why don't you take tomorrow morning (or the day) off as a mental health day? I want you to rest."* * *"For the next few days, let's shift you to some admin work (or lighter cases) to give your nervous system a break."* * *"Would it help to share the load on this specific client? I can step in, or we can co-manage the case so you aren't holding it alone."* ### 4. Gently Debrief (With a boundary) Allow her to vent, *if* she wants to, without letting her re-traumatize herself by reliving the details. * *"Do you want to talk about the part of the story that is sticking with you, or do you feel like talking about it right now will just make it worse?"* * (If she talks about it, focus on *her* feelings about the story, rather than analyzing the client's details.) ### 5. Point to Professional Resources and Next Steps Remind her of the tools available and make a plan to check in. * *"I strongly encourage you to reach out to our EAP (Employee Assistance Program) or a counselor. Having a professional help you process this can get your sleep back on track."* * *"What is one thing you can do tonight to help your brain transition out of work mode?"* (e.g., a hot shower to "wash the day off," heavy exercise, watching a comfort movie). * *"I'm going to check in with you tomorrow morning to see how you slept. We are going to get through this together."* ### What to AVOID Saying: * **Avoid:** *"You need to learn not to take your work home with you."* (She knows this; she just doesn't know *how* right now, and this induces shame). * **Avoid:** *"At least it's not happening to you."* (Minimizes her experience). * **Avoid:** *"You'll get used to it/develop a thicker skin."* (Encourages numbness rather than healthy processing).

Start by validating what she is experiencing and taking any guilt off her shoulders. What she is describing is a normal response to hearing hard things, not a sign that she is bad at her job. Here are a few ways you can respond, depending on your relationship and what your organization offers. **First, normalize and validate (say this right away):** > "Thank you for telling me. What you're describing is a completely normal reaction to hearing something heavy—it happens to good people doing this work. You aren't doing anything wrong, and you don't have to carry this by yourself." **Next, offer immediate relief and practical support:** > "Let's look at your schedule for the rest of the week. Can we take a couple of intakes off your plate, or have you take a mental health day tomorrow so you can rest? Getting your sleep back comes first." **If you want to help her set boundaries with the work:** > "You can care deeply about a client's outcome without carrying their story home with you. Let's talk through the case together so it's not just sitting in your head, and then let's figure out a way for you to hand this off at the end of the day." **A few tips for the conversation:** * **Don't ask her to repeat the details of the client's story** unless she wants to. Recounting the details can sometimes make the distress worse. Instead, focus on how *she* is feeling and what she needs. * **Share a resource right away.** If your organization has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), peer support, or clinical supervision, give her the direct contact information so she doesn't have to go looking for it while she's exhausted. * **Check back in.** Put a reminder on your calendar to ask how she is sleeping in two or three days. Knowing you are paying attention helps lift the weight.

Say this to her now, in private, and give her a clear next step before the conversation ends. **What to say in the moment** > "Thank you for telling me. What you're describing makes complete sense—this work is heavy, and it stays with us. You didn't do anything wrong by feeling it this deeply. Let's look at your schedule for the rest of the week so you can get some rest." **Three things to cover before she leaves your office** 1. **Normalize the reaction.** Let her know that carrying a client's story home is a common occupational hazard in this work, not a personal failing or a sign that she isn't cut out for the job. 2. **Take something off her plate today.** Offer a concrete adjustment: a mental health day tomorrow, a lighter intake rotation this week, or a pause on taking new cases with similar stories. Do not ask "What do you need?"—when someone isn't sleeping, deciding is hard. Offer two specific options and let her choose. 3. **Connect her to support.** Give her the direct number or link for your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or counseling benefit, and offer to sit with her during your next supervision session to talk through the case boundaries without judgment. **What to avoid** - **Don't ask her to retell the client's story right now.** Rehearsing the details when she is already exhausted can make the insomnia worse. Focus on how *she* is doing, not the details of the case. - **Don't just tell her to "practice self-care."** When someone can't sleep because of work, the workload needs to adjust first. **Follow up in two days** Put a 10-minute check-in on the calendar for later this week. Ask one plain question: *"Are you sleeping any better?"* If the answer is no, help her take time off and encourage her to speak with a clinician who works with secondary stress.

Thank her for telling you right away, validate that her reaction is a normal response to hearing hard things, and take immediate steps to lighten her load. Here is what you can say to her today, along with the steps to take next. **1. Thank her and normalize the experience** Start by letting her know she is not in trouble and that she is not failing at her job. Carrying a client's story home is a common occupational hazard in this work, not a personal weakness. *What to say:* > "Thank you for telling me. What you are experiencing is a completely normal response to hearing something that heavy. It makes sense that your brain is having a hard time setting it down, and I am really glad you didn't keep this to yourself." **2. Separate her role from the client's outcome** When staff cannot stop thinking about a story, they are often trying to mentally solve it or carry the weight of the harm. Gently remind her of the boundaries of her role. *What to say:* > "You did your job by listening and connecting them with resources. You don't have to carry their story home with you to be good at this work, and you don't have to hold this alone." **3. Offer concrete changes to her week (give her choices)** Someone who has not been sleeping is exhausted. Do not just tell her to practice self-care on her own time; change her working conditions for the next few days and let her choose what helps most. *What to say:* > "Lack of sleep makes everything harder, so let's adjust your week to give you some breathing room. Would it be more helpful to take a mental health day tomorrow, or to shift your schedule for the rest of the week to administrative tasks instead of intakes? You tell me what feels best." **4. Connect her to professional support** As her supervisor, your role is to manage her workload and support her at work, not to act as her clinician. Point her to confidential, outside support. *What to say:* > "Because this is affecting your sleep, I also want to make sure you have support outside of work. I'll send you the direct number for our Employee Assistance Program (EAP) after we talk—they offer free, confidential sessions with people who understand this kind of stress. Would it also help if I reassigned this specific client's follow-up to another team member for now?" **5. Set a time to check back in** Do not leave the conversation open-ended. Let her know when you will follow up so she knows you are paying attention. *What to say:* > "Let's check back in on [Day] at [Time] to see how your sleep is doing and how the schedule change feels. If you need anything before then, my door is open." *** **Reminders for you after the conversation:** * **Protect client privacy:** When you debrief the situation with your own director or HR, focus on the staff member's workload and support needs rather than repeating the identifying details of the client's story. * **Send the resources in writing:** When someone is sleep-deprived, it is hard to remember details. Follow up with a short, warm email that includes the EAP phone number and confirms whatever schedule changes you agreed on. * **Share crisis lines if distress escalates:** If she shares that she is feeling hopeless, in crisis, or unable to stay safe, connect her immediately with the **988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline** (call or text **988**) or the **Crisis Text Line** (text **HOME to 741741**).

When a staff member is experiencing secondary traumatic stress, your goal is to normalize her reaction, remove any guilt, and give her real options for rest and support. Keep the conversation private, calm, and clear. Here is what you can say, step by step: **1. Normalize and validate her experience** Let her know that what she is feeling is a common hazard of the work, not a personal failing or a sign that she isn't good at her job. * *"Thank you for telling me. Carrying a heavy story home is a normal reaction to this kind of work. It makes sense that your brain is having a hard time setting it down."* **2. Offer concrete adjustments and give her a choice** People experiencing stress need to feel in control of their next steps. Offer specific ways to lighten her load this week and let her choose what helps most. * *"Let's look at your schedule for the rest of the week. Would it help to take a mental health day tomorrow, or would you prefer to shift to administrative tasks for a few days? We can also pause new intakes for you this week—tell me what feels best."* **3. Connect her to professional support** As a supervisor, you can adjust her workload and offer a listening ear, but a professional should help her process the trauma itself. Remind her of the confidential resources available to her. * *"I want to make sure you have support outside of work, too. Here is the number for our Employee Assistance Program (EAP) [insert number/info], which offers free, confidential counseling. If we have clinical supervision or peer debriefing coming up, we can also make time for that."* **4. Set a boundary for tonight** Help her create a clear separation between work and home for the evening. * *"For tonight, your only job is to rest. Step away from your email, and I will cover anything urgent that comes up with your caseload tomorrow morning."* **A few things to keep in mind during the conversation:** * **Protect client privacy:** Do not ask her to retell the details of the client's story. Re-hashing the graphic details can make her stress worse and isn't necessary for you to support her. Focus on *her* reaction and workload, not the client's case. * **Follow up:** Put a reminder on your calendar to check in with her in two or three days so she knows the conversation wasn't just a one-time fix. If she ever expresses that she is in crisis or having thoughts of self-harm, share immediate resources with her right away: * **988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline:** Call or text 988 (free, confidential, 24/7). * **Crisis Text Line:** Text HOME to 741741.

*Disclaimer: I am an AI, not a licensed mental health professional or HR expert. If your employee is in crisis or your company has a specific clinical supervision protocol, please follow those guidelines first.* What your staff member is experiencing is likely **vicarious trauma** or **compassion fatigue**. When a professional absorbs the emotional pain of a client to the point that it interferes with their personal life (like sleep), it is a sign that their "emotional cup" is overflowing. Here is a guide on how to handle this conversation with empathy and professional boundaries. ### 1. Immediate Response: Validate and Normalize The most important first step is to ensure she doesn't feel "weak" or "unprofessional" for feeling this way. If she feels shame, she will stop telling you when she is struggling, which leads to burnout. **What to say:** * *"Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this. First, I want you to know that this is a very normal reaction to the kind of heavy work we do. It shows that you are empathetic and invested, but it also tells me that this case is taking a toll on you."* * *"It sounds like you're carrying a lot of this client's burden home with you. That is an exhausting place to be, and I'm glad you brought it up now so we can support you."* ### 2. Assess the Immediate Need Determine if she needs a momentary break or a systemic change in her workload. **What to ask:** * *"How long has this been affecting your sleep?"* * *"Do you feel like you have the capacity to continue with this client right now, or do we need to look at adjusting your caseload or providing some temporary coverage?"* * *"What does your 'wind-down' routine look like right now? Are you able to mentally 'leave' the office, or is the story following you home?"* ### 3. Provide Actionable Support Validation is great, but she needs a path toward relief. Offer a mix of professional and personal strategies. **Professional Support:** * **Supervision/Debriefing:** *"Would it be helpful to set up a dedicated debriefing session where we can walk through the specifics of this case and 'deposit' those feelings here at work rather than taking them home?"* * **Case Review:** *"Let's look at the case together. Sometimes breaking the problem down into actionable steps helps the brain stop looping on the tragedy and start focusing on the solution."* **Personal Support:** * **EAP/Counseling:** *"I want to remind you that we have [Employee Assistance Program/Insurance benefits]. Talking to a therapist who specializes in vicarious trauma can provide you with tools to create a 'mental firewall' between work and home."* * **The "Ritual" Suggestion:** Suggest a physical transition ritual (e.g., changing clothes immediately upon getting home, a specific playlist for the drive, or writing a "brain dump" list before leaving the office). ### 4. The "Managerial" Follow-Up Once the emotional conversation is over, you must monitor the situation to prevent full burnout. * **Check-in:** Set a calendar reminder to check in with her in 3–5 days. *"I'm going to check in with you on Thursday just to see if your sleep has improved."* * **Model Boundaries:** If you are also struggling or have struggled in the past, share a brief example of how you handle it. This removes the stigma. ### Summary Checklist for the Conversation: - [ ] **Listen** without trying to "fix" the client's story immediately. - [ ] **Validate** that vicarious trauma is a professional hazard, not a personal failure. - [ ] **Offer** a debriefing session or a temporary workload adjustment. - [ ] **Direct** her toward professional mental health resources (EAP). - [ ] **Schedule** a follow-up.

*Disclaimer: I am an AI, not a licensed mental health professional or HR expert. If your employee is in crisis or your company has a specific clinical supervision protocol, please follow those guidelines first.* What your staff member is experiencing is likely **vicarious trauma** or **compassion fatigue**. When a professional absorbs the emotional pain of a client to the point that it interferes with their personal life (like sleep), it is a sign that their "emotional cup" is overflowing. Here is a guide on how to handle this conversation with empathy and professional boundaries. ### 1. Immediate Response: Validate and Normalize The most important first step is to ensure she doesn't feel "weak" or "unprofessional" for feeling this way. If she feels shame, she will stop telling you when she is struggling, which leads to burnout. **What to say:** * *"Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this. First, I want you to know that this is a very normal reaction to the kind of heavy work we do. It shows that you are empathetic and invested, but it also tells me that this case is taking a toll on you."* * *"It sounds like you're carrying a lot of this client's burden home with you. That is an exhausting place to be, and I'm glad you brought it up now so we can support you."* ### 2. Assess the Immediate Need Determine if she needs a momentary break or a systemic change in her workload. **What to ask:** * *"How long has this been affecting your sleep?"* * *"Do you feel like you have the capacity to continue with this client right now, or do we need to look at adjusting your caseload or providing some temporary coverage?"* * *"What does your 'wind-down' routine look like right now? Are you able to mentally 'leave' the office, or is the story following you home?"* ### 3. Provide Actionable Support Validation is great, but she needs a path toward relief. Offer a mix of professional and personal strategies. **Professional Support:** * **Supervision/Debriefing:** *"Would it be helpful to set up a dedicated debriefing session where we can walk through the specifics of this case and 'deposit' those feelings here at work rather than taking them home?"* * **Case Review:** *"Let's look at the case together. Sometimes breaking the problem down into actionable steps helps the brain stop looping on the tragedy and start focusing on the solution."* **Personal Support:** * **EAP/Counseling:** *"I want to remind you that we have [Employee Assistance Program/Insurance benefits]. Talking to a therapist who specializes in vicarious trauma can provide you with tools to create a 'mental firewall' between work and home."* * **The "Ritual" Suggestion:** Suggest a physical transition ritual (e.g., changing clothes immediately upon getting home, a specific playlist for the drive, or writing a "brain dump" list before leaving the office). ### 4. The "Managerial" Follow-Up Once the emotional conversation is over, you must monitor the situation to prevent full burnout. * **Check-in:** Set a calendar reminder to check in with her in 3–5 days. *"I'm going to check in with you on Thursday just to see if your sleep has improved."* * **Model Boundaries:** If you are also struggling or have struggled in the past, share a brief example of how you handle it. This removes the stigma. ### Summary Checklist for the Conversation: - [ ] **Listen** without trying to "fix" the client's story immediately. - [ ] **Validate** that vicarious trauma is a professional hazard, not a personal failure. - [ ] **Offer** a debriefing session or a temporary workload adjustment. - [ ] **Direct** her toward professional mental health resources (EAP). - [ ] **Schedule** a follow-up.

It sounds like your staff member is experiencing secondary traumatic stress or compassion fatigue. Here are a few ways to respond, depending on your relationship with her and your organization's policies: **Immediate Support** Start by validating her experience. Let her know that having a strong emotional reaction to a client's story is a common response for people doing this work. * "I can see how much this is affecting you, and I want you to know that it's a normal response to the difficult things our clients share. Thank you for being honest with me about how you're feeling." **Practical Next Steps** Offer immediate, low-pressure ways to help her disconnect or find support. * **Adjust her workload:** "Would it help to shift some of your tasks for the next few days, or take a mental health day to reset?" * **Encourage professional support:** "Do we have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or a specific counselor you'd like to connect with? I can help you find those details." * **Offer a debrief:** "If you feel it would be helpful, we can set aside some time to debrief this specific case together, or I can connect you with a supervisor who can help you process the clinical side of this." **Long-term Care** Use this as an opening to discuss sustainable boundaries. * "Let's look at your current caseload and see if we need to make any adjustments to make sure you have the space you need to take care of yourself while supporting our clients."

It sounds like your staff member is experiencing secondary traumatic stress or compassion fatigue. Here are a few ways to respond, depending on your relationship with her and your organization's policies: **Immediate Support** Start by validating her experience. Let her know that having a strong emotional reaction to a client's story is a common response for people doing this work. * "I can see how much this is affecting you, and I want you to know that it's a normal response to the difficult things our clients share. Thank you for being honest with me about how you're feeling." **Practical Next Steps** Offer immediate, low-pressure ways to help her disconnect or find support. * **Adjust her workload:** "Would it help to shift some of your tasks for the next few days, or take a mental health day to reset?" * **Encourage professional support:** "Do we have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or a specific supervisor you'd like to debrief with? I'm happy to help you connect with those resources." * **Create a boundary:** "When you leave for the day, what is one thing you can do to help your mind transition away from work? I want to make sure you have the space to rest." **Long-term Approach** Use this as an opening to discuss sustainable work habits for the whole team. * **Normalize debriefing:** Set up regular times for staff to process difficult cases in a supportive environment. * **Review boundaries:** Discuss the difference between empathy (feeling *with* someone) and emotional contagion (taking on the client's trauma as your own).

1. Acknowledge that this is a common experience for staff working with trauma (vicarious trauma) and that her reaction is a normal response to difficult work. 2. Encourage her to step away from the specific case or task for a short period today if possible. 3. Schedule a brief, supportive check-in with her as soon as you are both available to listen and validate her experience. 4. Remind her of the organization's available mental health supports, such as an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or clinical supervision. 5. Encourage her to prioritize basic needs tonight: a consistent sleep routine, hydration, and time away from screens. **What not to do right now:** - Do not try to "solve" the client's story or the case during this conversation. - Do not minimize the impact by telling her "it's part of the job." - Do not ask her to analyze her feelings in a clinical way; focus on stabilization and support. **Resources for your staff member:** - 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 - Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 **Next steps for you:** - Once she is supported, document the conversation according to your internal personnel policies. - Consider if a team-wide debrief or a review of caseloads is necessary to prevent further burnout.

1. Acknowledge that this is a common experience for staff working with trauma (vicarious trauma) and that her reaction is a normal response to difficult work. 2. Encourage her to step away from the specific case or task for a short period today if possible. 3. Schedule a brief, supportive check-in with her as soon as you are both available to listen and validate her experience. 4. Remind her of the organization's available mental health supports, such as an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or clinical supervision. 5. Encourage her to prioritize basic needs tonight: a consistent sleep routine, hydration, and time away from screens. **What not to do right now:** - Do not try to "solve" the client's story or the case during this conversation. - Do not minimize the impact by telling her "it's part of the job." - Do not ask her to analyze her feelings in a clinical way; focus on stabilization and support. **Resources for your staff member:** - 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 - Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 **Next steps for you:** - Once she is supported, document the conversation according to your internal personnel policies. - Consider if a team-wide debrief or a review of caseloads is necessary to prevent further burnout.

What she's describing sounds like secondary traumatic stress — a really common occupational hazard in work where you hear people's painful stories. Knowing that can help you respond with confidence rather than alarm. **What to say:** Start by acknowledging that she told you: *"Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you're not carrying this alone."* Then normalize it: *"What you're describing — not being able to stop thinking about it, the sleep — is something a lot of us in this work experience. It's not a sign you can't handle the job. It's a sign you were fully present with someone's pain."* Then ask, don't fix: *"What's been staying with you the most?"* or *"How long has this been going on?"* Let her talk. Often people in helping roles feel they're supposed to be unaffected, and simply having permission to be shaken by a client's story is a relief. Ask what she needs: *"Would it help to talk it through, take a step back from this case for a bit, or something else?"* Offer concrete support: *"We have the EAP — it's confidential, free, and plenty of people here have used it. Want me to send you the info?"* **What to avoid:** - "You'll get used to it" or "You need thicker skin" — implies she's failing at something that's actually a normal response - "Don't take work home" — impossible advice that just adds guilt - Turning it into a case review — this conversation is about her, not the client - Making it about your own war stories (a brief "me too" can help; a monologue doesn't) - Treating it as resolved after one conversation **Afterward:** Check in again in a few days — *"Just wanted to see how you're doing"* — so she knows it wasn't a one-time courtesy. And if the sleeplessness and intrusive thoughts persist for weeks, or she starts dreading work or feeling numb, that's the point to more actively encourage professional support rather than just mentioning it's available. One more thing: if this is the first time she's raised something like this, it may be worth building regular space in supervision for "how is the work landing on you" — not just case management. It usually surfaces these things earlier, when they're easier to address.

What she's describing sounds like secondary traumatic stress — intrusive thoughts and disrupted sleep from carrying someone else's trauma. It's one of the most common experiences in helping work, and how you respond in this conversation will shape whether she feels safe being honest with you going forward. **Start by validating, not fixing.** Something like: *"Thank you for telling me. That story would sit with anyone — it means you're taking her seriously, not that you're doing something wrong."* Many people in this work quietly believe that being affected by a client's story means they're weak or unprofessional. Naming that it's normal can be a real relief. **Then listen.** Ask an open question — "What part of it keeps coming back for you?" — and let her talk. You don't need to solve anything or counsel her through the trauma itself. Being a steady witness is the job here. Resist the pull to turn it into a case consultation about the client; she's telling you about *her*, not the case. **Ask what would help rather than assuming.** "What would feel supportive right now?" Some people want to debrief, some want a slightly lighter caseload for a couple weeks, some just want to know it's okay to not be okay. **Then connect her to real support:** - Your EAP or counseling benefit, if you have one — frame it as routine maintenance for this work, not a red flag - A peer debrief if she has trusted colleagues - A note that if the sleeplessness stretches past a couple weeks, talking to a professional is worth it **Follow up.** A quick check-in a week later — "I've been thinking about our conversation, how are you doing?" — matters as much as the first conversation. It tells her your care wasn't a one-time formality. One thing to avoid: "Don't take it home with you" or anything that implies she needs better boundaries. It's well-intentioned but lands as criticism, and it teaches people to hide it next time. The fact that she came to you at all suggests she trusts you. That's a good sign about how you're running things.

Here's the short version: thank her for telling you, name what's happening as common rather than as a personal failing, and offer choices instead of a solution you picked for her. Something like: > "Thank you for telling me. What you're describing — not being able to stop thinking about it, losing sleep — is really common in this work. It's not a sign you can't handle the job. It's a sign you took in something heavy, and it deserves attention. > > I'd like to help you carry it. Some options: we can set aside time this week to talk it through, I can adjust things so you're not the only one on this file for a while, and if you'd rather talk to someone outside the office, [EAP / counseling benefit] is there. What would be useful to you?" A few things behind that: - **Thank her first.** People usually hide this because they're afraid it reads as incompetence or weakness. The disclosure itself took something. - **Normalize without minimizing.** "That's a hard thing to carry" — not "everyone feels that way." Both can be true, but the second one alone tends to shut people down. - **Ask what would help rather than deciding.** Being assigned a counselor or pulled off a case without a say can feel like another loss of control. - **Don't ask her to walk through the client's story in detail.** The goal is supporting her, not re-exposure. - **If part of what's keeping her up is "did we do enough,"** tell her what happened after — what was reported, referred, followed up — so she isn't carrying the client's outcome alone. That's often half the insomnia. - **Check in again in a few days,** whatever she picks. People say "I'm fine" in the moment and mean it less by Thursday. Two cautions: don't treat this as a performance issue, and don't promise total confidentiality if there are limits you'd have to keep (supervision, HR obligations). If the sleeplessness keeps getting worse, the intrusive thoughts intensify, or she starts dreading work or coping in ways that worry you, that's the point to encourage professional support more actively — still offered, not mandated. One conversation rarely resolves it. The fact that she came to you is a good sign about how you're running the place.

The core message she needs to hear: this is a normal response to the work, and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with her. When a client's story won't leave someone, the field calls it vicarious trauma. It's common among people who do this work, and naming it often helps, because it means what she's feeling is known and expected — not a weakness or a sign she can't handle the job. **What you might say** "Thank you for telling me. What you're describing is a normal response to this work. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, and it's not a performance problem." "You don't need to walk me through the story. That's the client's to tell. I just want to know how you're doing." "What would help right now?" Then mostly listen. Let her say what she's carrying without turning it into a case review. **What to offer** - Your EAP or counseling benefit, if you have one. Name it plainly and mention it more than once. Framing it as a tool of the trade, like supervision, makes it easier to use. - Some room. A lighter week, a swapped assignment, or protected time in supervision to talk about the work's impact — not just the tasks. - A follow-up. Ask to check in again in a few days. One conversation about this is not enough, and the follow-up itself tells her that this kind of conversation is allowed. **What to avoid** - Don't ask for the client's details. She may need to talk about how the story affected her without retelling it. - Don't frame it as a thickness-of-skin issue. That teaches people to hide it next time. - Don't promise confidentiality you can't keep. If her safety or a client's safety is at stake, you may need to act — say that plainly if it comes up. If the sleeplessness continues past a week or two, or she says something that worries you, a counselor or doctor is the right next support. Say that warmly and directly, not as a hand-off. And if it's happening to her, it's happening to others on the team — a standing check-in on the emotional weight of the work means no one has to raise a hand alone.

Start by thanking her for telling you, and tell her plainly that what she's experiencing is a known part of this work — not a personal failing. That message, delivered early, is the most important thing you can say. **What you might say** > "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." > > "What you're describing is common in work like ours. When a client's story stays with you like this, it's a recognized response to this kind of exposure — not a sign you're not cut out for it." > > "You don't have to walk me through the details of her story. I don't need that to support you." > > "What would help most right now?" **What to offer** Give her real choices, so she stays in control of what happens next: - Confidential counseling through your EAP — free, and it doesn't go anywhere near her file. Give her the number in writing. - Time — a day off, or a few weeks with a lighter or different caseload. - A debrief or case consultation on her terms, if she wants it — focused on what the case needs, not on retelling everything. - If the sleeplessness continues, encourage her to see her doctor or a counselor. Sleep matters, and it's treatable. Then set a follow-up: "Can I check in with you Thursday?" One conversation won't carry this — the check-in matters as much as the first talk. **What to avoid** - Don't ask her to recount the client's story. She doesn't need to re-live it for you to help her. - Don't diagnose her or frame this as a resilience problem. - Don't let it drift into a performance conversation. Support first. - Keep what she told you confidential, and don't pass the client's story along. **If it gets harder** If she ever mentions hopelessness or thoughts of harming herself, take it seriously and stay with her: - 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 - Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741 - Your EAP: [number] **One more thing** Exposure to clients' trauma is an occupational reality in this field, not just an individual one. It's worth asking whether caseload mix, debriefs after hard cases, or supervision structures would help the whole team — so this doesn't land on one person to absorb alone.

**What to say to her** Open with something like: > "Thank you for telling me. What you're describing — not being able to stop thinking about a client's story, losing sleep — happens to a lot of people who do this work. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. I want to make sure you have support. What would help most right now?" **Then, in the conversation** 1. **Check on safety if you're worried.** If she says anything about feeling hopeless or not wanting to be here, ask plainly: "Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself?" If yes, stay with her and call or text 988 together. Call 911 if there's immediate danger. 2. **Keep the focus on her, not the case.** Don't ask her to retell the client's story. If she needs to talk it through, offer a formal debrief or clinical supervision with someone qualified. 3. **Offer concrete options and let her choose:** - A few days off, or a lighter caseload for a couple of weeks - A referral to your Employee Assistance Program, if you have one — give her the number in writing - A therapist who works with people in this field - A regular check-in with you 4. **Be honest about confidentiality.** Tell her what stays between you and what you'd need to act on, like a safety concern. Don't promise more than you can keep. 5. **Set a follow-up.** Check in within a few days. Make it a real check-in, not a hallway "how are you?" **What not to do** - Don't minimize it ("we all carry this stuff"). - Don't make it a performance conversation. - Don't try to resolve it in one talk. - Don't press for details about the client. **Afterward** - Note the conversation per your HR policy: what supports you offered and the follow-up you scheduled. Leave out details about her and the client. - If your organization has a staff-care or debrief process, start it now rather than waiting. **Resources to share with her** - 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 - Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741 - Your EAP: [add your number] - 911 if anyone is in immediate danger

You could respond with warmth, concern, and a practical next step: > “I’m really glad you told me. It sounds like this client’s story has affected you deeply, and not sleeping is a sign that you need support—not that you’ve done anything wrong. Are you feeling safe right now? Are you having any thoughts of harming yourself or feeling unable to function? > > Let’s take this seriously. We can arrange a confidential supervision/debriefing session and talk about adjusting your workload or client contact temporarily. Please contact your doctor or therapist, especially if the sleeplessness continues. For tonight, focus on basic care and avoid working on this case outside work. You don’t have to carry it alone.” Then: - **Listen without asking for unnecessary client details.** Acknowledge the impact rather than trying to solve the story. - **Offer concrete support:** supervision, peer consultation, employee assistance, occupational health, or a trauma-informed therapist. - **Consider workload changes:** a break, reassignment, co-working the case, or time away from exposure if appropriate. - **Set a follow-up time**—for example, tomorrow morning—and check whether she has slept and accessed support. - **Escalate urgently** if she says she may harm herself, cannot stay safe, is severely impaired, or has gone several nights without sleep. Stay with her or help connect her to local emergency/crisis services; don’t leave that solely to her. You might also say: > “You’re not expected to be unaffected by difficult work, but you are expected to let us know when it’s affecting your health so we can support you.”

You could say: > “I’m really glad you told me. Hearing difficult stories can affect us, and you’re not overreacting or failing. I’m concerned that you’re not sleeping, and I want to support you—not have you manage this alone. Are you feeling safe right now, or having any thoughts of harming yourself or not wanting to be here? > > Let’s reduce your exposure to this case for now and arrange time with your supervisor/clinical lead or employee assistance service. You don’t need to share identifying details with me. For today, let’s look at what you need to rest and get support, and we can check in again tomorrow.” Then: - **Listen without pressing for the client’s details.** Say, “You can tell me what you need without going into confidential information.” - **Offer concrete adjustments:** a break, time off, reassignment from the case, a lighter workload, or a supported debrief. - **Connect her promptly** with a trained supervisor, trauma-informed counselor, occupational health, or EAP. Encourage her to contact her own doctor if insomnia continues or is significantly affecting functioning. - **Check in again**, rather than treating one conversation as enough. - If she says she may harm herself, feels unsafe, is severely impaired, or has gone several nights without sleep, stay with her, involve your workplace’s emergency procedure, and contact local emergency/crisis support. Don’t promise secrecy—explain that safety comes first. Avoid saying “try not to think about it,” “that’s just part of the job,” or asking her to simply push through.

You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this story is weighing heavily on you, and I’m glad you spoke up. You don’t need to share any client details. Let’s talk about what support would help today. We can adjust your workload, give you time away from this case, and connect you with supervision or confidential counseling. What would help you feel more settled tonight?” Then: - **Ask about immediate needs:** “Have you been able to rest, eat, and feel safe?” - **Offer a concrete change today:** reassign the case temporarily, reduce exposure to related material, or provide time off if possible. - **Arrange support:** clinical supervision, an employee assistance program, or a counselor experienced in workplace stress and vicarious trauma. - **Set a follow-up:** check in again tomorrow and later this week. - **Ask directly if needed:** “Are you having thoughts of harming yourself or feeling unable to stay safe?” If yes, stay with her, follow your workplace emergency procedures, and contact local crisis or emergency support. Avoid asking her to retell the client’s story or suggesting she simply “leave work at work.” Her response may be a sign that she needs support and a change in workload, not a personal failing.

You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this client’s story is weighing heavily on you, and I’m glad you said something. You do not have to carry this alone. Let’s make a plan for today so you can step back from the case, and I’ll help arrange support through supervision or our employee assistance program. > > Since you haven’t been sleeping, please consider speaking with a health professional. If you feel unsafe or think you might harm yourself, tell me now so we can get immediate help.” Then follow through: - Give her time away from the case or other emotionally demanding work today, if possible. - Offer a private, supportive supervision conversation. Focus on what she needs, not on asking her to retell the client’s story. - Remind her not to discuss identifying client details outside appropriate supervision or care. - Share your EAP, counseling, or occupational health resources and help her contact them if needed. - Check in soon—later today and again tomorrow. - If sleep problems or intrusive thoughts continue, worsen, or affect her ability to work safely, encourage prompt professional support. If there is an immediate safety concern, contact emergency or crisis services in your area.

Say: > “Thank you for telling me. I’m glad you reached out. Hearing a client’s story can stay with you, and you do not have to manage this alone. > > Are you feeling safe right now? Have you had thoughts of hurting yourself or not wanting to be here? Also, are you able to work or drive safely today? > > Let’s make a plan for today. You can step away from client work, and I’ll help arrange coverage. We’ll connect you with supervision and our employee assistance or mental health support. You do not need to share identifying details about the client. We can talk about what support you need without repeating the story. > > If you feel unsafe, tell me directly. We will get immediate help together.” Then: 1. Move to a quiet, private space and stay with her while you assess immediate safety. 2. If she may hurt herself, cannot stay safe, or is too exhausted to drive, call **911** or go to the nearest emergency department. Do not leave her alone. 3. Contact your supervisor, clinical lead, EAP, or an on-call mental health professional today. Help her make the call rather than simply handing her a number. 4. Adjust or pause her client-facing duties, arrange transportation if needed, and encourage rest and basic care. 5. Keep client information private. Document only the staff-support steps and any safety action needed—not unnecessary details of the client’s story. 6. Check in again later today and tomorrow. Ongoing sleeplessness or intrusive thoughts warrant prompt professional support. In the United States, she can call or text **988** or use chat at **988lifeline.org/chat**. If there is immediate physical danger, call **911**.

You can say: > “Thank you for telling me. I’m glad you reached out. You do not have to carry this alone, and you do not need to share more details about the client than is necessary. Let’s focus on what you need right now. > > Are you safe, and can you get home safely today? Have you had any thoughts of harming yourself or feeling unable to stay safe? > > I’m going to take you off client-facing work for now and help you connect with our employee assistance program, a licensed counselor, or another qualified professional. We can also arrange coverage and talk about time away from work. You are not in trouble. We’ll check in again tomorrow.” **Right now:** 1. Move to a private, quiet space and listen without asking for graphic details. 2. Ask whether she is safe and whether she can drive or travel home safely. 3. Relieve her from client-facing duties if possible. Help arrange transportation if she is too tired or distressed to travel safely. 4. Contact your EAP, HR, on-call supervisor, or a licensed mental-health professional today. 5. Protect the client’s privacy. Do not discuss the client’s story beyond those who need to know. 6. Check in again within 24 hours and follow your organization’s staff-support and incident-reporting procedures. If she says she may harm herself, cannot stay safe, or is in immediate danger, stay with her, call **911**, and contact **988** by call or text. In the United States, she can also text **HOME** to **741741** for Crisis Text Line support. Do not leave her alone or ask her to drive. After immediate needs are addressed, document what she reported and the steps you took.

Start by listening and making it clear she isn’t in trouble. You could say: > “I’m glad you told me. It sounds like this client’s story has really stayed with you, and not sleeping is taking a toll. You don’t have to share the details with me. I want to help you get support and make work manageable—not have you push through this alone. > > “How long has this been happening, and how is it affecting you during the day? What would help most right now: talking with someone, taking a break, or changing your workload?” Then offer **concrete help**, rather than leaving her to work out the solution: - Arrange appropriate supervision or a confidential consultation, without requiring her to retell the client’s story. - Discuss temporarily reducing distressing cases, adjusting duties, or taking time off. Frame this as support, not punishment. - Offer access to an employee assistance programme or a mental health professional. Because her sleep is affected, encourage her to speak with a healthcare professional soon—especially if she is getting very little sleep or struggling to function. You can add: > “Being affected by someone else’s distress can happen in this work. It doesn’t mean you’re bad at your job, and it deserves attention. Let’s agree on one or two things we can do today, then check in again tomorrow.” **Avoid** “You need thicker skin,” “Just leave work at work,” or diagnosing her with secondary trauma. Don’t promise absolute confidentiality; explain any limits and keep information as private as possible. Your role is to be a supportive manager, not her therapist: listen, address work pressures, connect her with support, and follow through.

Start by thanking her for telling you and making clear she doesn’t have to push through this alone. You don’t need to diagnose what’s happening or get her to retell the client’s story. You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this has really stayed with you, and not sleeping sounds exhausting. I’m glad you came to me. You don’t need to go over the client’s story again—what matters right now is how you’re doing and what support would help. > > “Is it affecting your ability to work or manage day to day? Let’s look at what we can change today, whether that’s a break, some coverage, or time with a supervisor. We can also look at confidential support outside work. You don’t have to figure this out on your own.” Then: - **Listen without minimizing or comparing.** Avoid “That’s just part of the job,” “You need thicker skin,” or immediately prescribing self-care. - **Offer concrete workload support.** Where possible, reduce exposure to distressing material, arrange coverage, or provide appropriate supervision. Don’t make getting help another task she has to manage alone. - **Encourage professional support.** Persistent intrusive thoughts and disrupted sleep deserve attention. An EAP, therapist, or primary care clinician may help—especially if symptoms are continuing, worsening, or interfering with daily life. - **Explain privacy honestly.** Keep this as private as your role allows, but don’t promise absolute confidentiality. Tell her before involving others whenever possible, and avoid unnecessary sharing of client details. - **Agree on a follow-up.** “Can we check in tomorrow about how you’re doing and whether these changes are helping?” Hearing traumatic accounts can sometimes lead to **secondary traumatic stress**, but you don’t need to apply that label. Your role is to take her distress seriously, make work more manageable, and help her access support—not become her therapist.

Start with care, not a label. You could say: “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this client’s story has stayed with you, and you haven’t been sleeping. I’m glad you let me know. You don’t need to retell the story or share more than you want to. What would be helpful right now?” Then offer concrete support so she doesn’t have to work out the next steps alone: “Could we look at your workload together? We could arrange a break, adjust an assignment, or make time for supervision. You don’t have to decide everything now.” Because her sleep is affected, you can also say: “If this keeps affecting your sleep or feels hard to manage, a health professional could help. If you’d like, I can share any confidential support options available through work.” **Follow through:** - Listen without pressing for details about her or the client. - Agree on a manageable work adjustment rather than relying only on advice about self-care. - Ask what she is comfortable having shared if coverage is needed. Be clear about any limits to privacy. - Set a specific check-in: “Can we talk again tomorrow afternoon?” Avoid “You need thicker skin,” “Don’t take work home,” or diagnosing what she’s experiencing. Your role is to take her seriously and support her at work—not to be her therapist.

Start with a private, calm conversation. You don’t need to label what she’s experiencing or ask her to retell the client’s story. You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this has been staying with you and affecting your sleep. I’m glad you brought it up. You don’t have to share more details about the client. What would feel most helpful right now—having me listen, talking it through in supervision, or looking at your workload together?” Then offer concrete support within your authority: > “Let’s look at what we can adjust today. We could make room for a break, arrange coverage, or set up time with a supervisor who can support you. You don’t have to work out the next steps alone.” Because her sleep is affected, gently encourage outside support without diagnosing her: > “Since this is affecting your sleep, I’d also encourage you to talk with a health professional. If you’d like, I can help you find out what confidential support is available through our benefits.” **Agree on a next step and a check-in:** “What shall we put in place today? Can we check in again tomorrow?” Listen without pressing for details. Avoid “You need thicker skin,” “Don’t take it home,” or “That’s just the job.” Personal coping can help, but your role also includes checking whether workload, supervision, and coverage need to change.

1. **Start with care and a clear offer of support.** Say: “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this is weighing on you and affecting your sleep. You don’t need to repeat the client’s story. Let’s talk about what support you need today.” 2. **Check how she is doing right now.** Ask privately: “Do you feel safe right now? Do you feel able to keep working, or do you need a break from client work?” If she says she feels unsafe, ask whether she is thinking about harming herself. If there is immediate physical danger, call **911** or your local emergency number. 3. **Offer concrete choices within your authority.** “Would it help to step away from client work, have someone cover a task, or speak with our clinical supervisor? We can work out coverage together.” Don’t press her to recount the story or try to diagnose what she is experiencing. 4. **Connect her with support today.** “Because this is affecting your sleep, I’d like to help you connect with our employee assistance program or a health professional. Would you like help finding the contact information?” Offer your on-call or clinical supervisor at **[number]** and employee assistance program at **[number]**, if available. 5. **Set a private follow-up.** “Let’s check in tomorrow about how you’re doing and whether the workload changes are helping.” Explain who needs to know about coverage or support. Keep any record brief and secure, following policy. Leave out the client’s story and unnecessary personal health details. **U.S. support:** She can call or text **988**, or chat at **988lifeline.org**, if she needs immediate emotional support; she does not have to be suicidal to use it. For immediate physical danger, call **911**. Workplace contacts: supervisor **[number]**; employee assistance program **[number]**.

1. **Speak with her privately and thank her for telling you.** “I’m glad you told me. Not sleeping and having the story stay with you sounds exhausting. You don’t need to repeat the client’s story for me to take this seriously.” 2. **Check what she needs right now.** “How are you feeling right now? Do you feel able to keep working, or would it help to step away from client work today?” If she seems overwhelmed or says she cannot cope, ask plainly: “Are you feeling safe right now?” 3. **Offer concrete support within your control.** “Let’s look at what we can adjust today—coverage, a break, or a lighter workload. We can also arrange time with our clinical supervisor or another qualified support person. Which would help most?” Don’t make her responsible for finding her own coverage. 4. **Encourage professional support without diagnosing her.** “Because this is affecting your sleep, I encourage you to speak with a health professional soon. If you’d like, I can help you find our employee assistance program information.” Avoid telling her she has a particular condition, pressing for details, or suggesting she simply needs to be more resilient. 5. **Agree on a follow-up.** “Let’s check in tomorrow about how you’re doing and whether the workload changes are helping.” Keep the conversation private. Record only necessary work arrangements through your usual confidential process; leave out the client’s story and unnecessary personal details. **If she needs urgent emotional support:** In the U.S., she can call or text **988**, or chat at **988lifeline.org**. If there is immediate physical danger, call **911**. Outside the U.S., use local crisis and emergency services. **U.S. contacts:** Emotional crisis support: **call/text 988** or **988lifeline.org**. Immediate danger: **911**.

You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this story has really stayed with you, and the lack of sleep must be hard. You don’t have to share any details you’d rather keep private. What would help right now—a break, some space from this case, or a confidential conversation with a supervisor or support service? Let’s make a plan, and I’ll check in with you.” Then listen without trying to fix it or minimize it. Offer practical support—such as adjusting her workload temporarily, arranging reflective supervision, or connecting her with an employee assistance or counseling service—and follow up. If the sleep problems continue or she feels unable to manage, encourage her to seek professional support. If she says she may harm herself or isn’t safe, help her get urgent support.

You could say: > “I’m really glad you told me. It sounds like this story is weighing on you and affecting your sleep, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. You don’t need to tell me any more client details than you’re comfortable sharing. Let’s work out what support would help today—perhaps a confidential supervision or EAP conversation, a change in duties, or some time away from this work. How are you feeling about continuing your shift, and what would feel manageable right now?” Then listen without trying to fix it or asking her to retell the story. Make a concrete plan together and check in again soon. If the sleep problems continue or she feels overwhelmed, encourage her to speak with a mental-health professional. If she says she might hurt herself or doesn’t feel safe, take that seriously and help her connect with urgent support.

You could say: > “I’m glad you told me. It sounds like this has been weighing on you and affecting your sleep. You don’t need to share more about the client’s story. What would help right now? We can look at your workload, give you some time away from this case, or find someone you trust to talk with.” Then listen without trying to solve it right away. Ask what support she wants, and agree on a specific next step. You might also let her know about any confidential counseling or employee support available to staff. If the sleep problems continue, encourage her to connect with a health professional.

You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds exhausting to have this on your mind and to be losing sleep. You don’t need to share any more details about the client. What would help today—some time to pause, a change in workload, or support from someone else on the team?” Then listen without trying to solve it right away. Agree on a specific check-in, and help her connect with available support, such as an employee assistance program or a health professional, if she wants. If she says she feels unsafe or unable to manage, help her get urgent support.

1. **Check how she is doing right now.** You could say: “I’m glad you told me. It sounds like this has been weighing on you and affecting your sleep. Are you feeling safe right now, or are you worried you might hurt yourself?” 2. **Listen without asking for the client’s story.** Say: “You don’t need to share identifying details. Let’s figure out what support would help tonight and what would make work feel manageable.” 3. **Offer a clear next step.** Ask whether she’d like help contacting your employee assistance program, a clinician, or another support person. If possible, discuss a short-term change to her workload or schedule. Arrange a private check-in soon. 4. **If she says she may hurt herself or someone else, or anyone is in immediate danger, call 911.** Stay with her if it is safe to do so. Don’t leave her to manage the immediate danger alone. 5. **After the immediate conversation,** follow your organization’s staff-support and privacy procedures. Don’t share client details in a debrief unless it is necessary and authorized. If she is in the U.S. and needs urgent emotional support, she can **call or text 988** or use chat at **988lifeline.org**. You can also **text HOME to 741741** to reach the Crisis Text Line. If there is immediate danger, call **911**.

You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry this has been affecting your sleep. You don’t need to share more of the client’s story right now. What would help today—taking a break, adjusting your workload, or talking with a supervisor or our employee support service? We can make a plan together so you’re not carrying this alone. Are you feeling safe right now?” Then: 1. Listen without asking for more client details. Protect the client’s privacy. 2. Offer a practical next step today, such as time to step away or a confidential check-in with a supervisor or employee support service. 3. If the sleep trouble continues, encourage her to contact a health professional or employee support service. If she says she may hurt herself or someone else, or someone is in immediate danger, call **911**. In the U.S., she can also call or text **988** for crisis support, or text **HOME** to **741741** for the Crisis Text Line.

Start with care, not a diagnosis or a performance conversation. You could say: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this client’s story has really stayed with you, and not sleeping is taking a toll. I’m glad you brought it up—you don’t have to push through this alone. > > “You don’t need to retell the client’s story right now. What feels hardest, and what would help you feel supported today? We can look at your workload, a break from particularly difficult cases, or time with an appropriate supervisor.” Then gently encourage support beyond you: > “Because it’s affecting your sleep, I’d encourage you to speak with a healthcare professional or use our confidential staff-support service, if that’s available. I can help you find the options or make time to access them.” **Back that up with concrete action:** - Agree on a manageable plan for today, including whether she feels able to do her work safely. - Offer appropriate clinical supervision or consultation, keeping client information within authorized channels. - Set a specific check-in: “Let’s talk again tomorrow and see how you’re doing.” Experiences like this can occur in emotionally demanding work, sometimes described as *secondary traumatic stress*. You don’t need to label it to take it seriously. Avoid “You need thicker skin,” “Everyone deals with this,” or making “self-care” her sole responsibility. Your role is to listen, reduce avoidable pressure, and help her access support—not to become her therapist.

Start by making it safe for her to speak, without trying to solve everything immediately: > “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this client’s story has really stayed with you, and not sleeping is taking a toll. I’m glad you said something—you don’t have to manage this alone. What’s been hardest, and what would help you feel supported today?” Listen, then offer concrete help: > “We can look at your workload, arrange appropriate supervision or a debrief, and consider whether you need a break from particularly difficult cases. Because it’s affecting your sleep, I’d also encourage you to speak with a healthcare or mental health professional. I can help you find out what support is available.” A few things to keep in mind: - **Don’t diagnose or minimize.** This can happen with secondary traumatic stress, but avoid declaring that’s what she has—or saying, “It’s just part of the job.” - **Keep your role supportive, not therapeutic.** She doesn’t need to recount the client’s story in detail. Use appropriate, confidential supervision channels. - **Offer specific options**, rather than just “Let me know if you need anything.” Ask whether she feels able to manage today’s work safely, especially if it involves driving or high-stakes decisions. - **Follow up soon:** “Let’s check in tomorrow and see whether these changes are helping.” If she describes feeling unsafe, thoughts of self-harm, or being unable to function, help her access urgent support rather than relying on a routine workplace check-in.

Start with care, not a diagnosis. You could say: “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this client’s story has stayed with you, and it’s affecting your sleep. You don’t need to share the client’s details for us to talk about how you’re doing. What would feel helpful right now—having me listen, looking at your workload, or finding someone you can talk with confidentially?” Then offer concrete support within your role: - **Look at work demands together.** Ask whether a short-term change to assignments, more supervision, or time off would help. Be clear about what you can offer. - **Offer confidential support without pressure.** If available, point her to an employee assistance program or a clinician. Ongoing sleep problems are worth discussing with a health professional. - **Set a check-in.** “Can we talk again tomorrow about how you’re doing and what support is working?” - **Protect her privacy.** Don’t ask her to retell the client’s story or promise absolute confidentiality. Explain if anything needs to be shared, with whom, and why. You can also say: “You don’t have to work out the next step alone. Let’s look at what we can change at work, too.” Avoid labeling this as burnout or trauma based on one conversation, or making “more self-care” the whole response. Your role is to listen, address work conditions, and help her access support—not to be her therapist.

Start with a private, calm conversation. You could say: “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like this client’s story has stayed with you and is affecting your sleep. You don’t need to share the client’s story again. How are you doing today, and what would help you feel supported at work?” Then listen before offering solutions. Ask rather than assume what she needs. - **Offer specific work support:** “Would it help to adjust your workload, take a break from similar cases, or have time with a supervisor to talk through how the work is affecting you?” Offer only what you can deliver. - **Encourage outside support without diagnosing:** “Because this is affecting your sleep, I encourage you to speak with a health professional. If you’d like, I can help you find out what support is available through our benefits.” - **Set a follow-up:** “Let’s check in again tomorrow and see whether the changes are helping.” Keep the conversation focused on her well-being, not unnecessary client details. Avoid “You need thicker skin,” “Don’t take it home,” or promising complete confidentiality if you cannot guarantee it. Your role is to listen, address work demands, and help her access support—not to diagnose or become her therapist.

1. **Speak with her privately and take her seriously.** You could say: “Thank you for telling me. It sounds like the client’s story has stayed with you, and not sleeping has been hard. You don’t need to repeat the story to me. Let’s focus on what you need right now.” 2. **Check immediate safety without assuming a crisis.** Ask: “Do you feel safe right now? Are you able to keep working safely, or do you need to pause?” If she says she cannot stay safe, help her contact crisis support. If there is immediate physical danger, call **911**. 3. **Offer concrete choices and help with coverage.** “Would it help to step away from client work today, take a break, or arrange time off? We can look at coverage together. You don’t have to work this out alone.” 4. **Connect her with professional support.** “Because this is affecting your sleep, I’d encourage you to contact a health professional. We can also connect you with [employee assistance program or staff support contact]. Would you like help making that connection?” Explain what workplace support is confidential and any limits. Don’t promise confidentiality you cannot guarantee. 5. **Set a follow-up time.** “Let’s check in tomorrow about how you’re doing and what workload changes might help.” Later, arrange a private debrief with an appropriate supervisor. Keep client details within approved supervision channels, and document only what is needed about work impact, support offered, and agreed next steps. **For now:** Don’t ask her to retell the client’s experience, diagnose what is happening, or suggest she simply needs to be more resilient. **If urgent support is needed in the U.S.:** Call or text **988**, or chat at **988lifeline.org**. Call **911** for immediate physical danger.

1. **Start with care, not questions about the client’s story.** Speak privately: > “Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry this is affecting your sleep. You don’t need to repeat the client’s story. Let’s talk about what would help you right now.” 2. **Check immediate safety calmly.** > “Do you feel safe right now? Are you able to keep working safely, or do you need to step away?” If she indicates she may hurt herself, ask directly whether she is thinking about suicide. If there is immediate physical danger, call 911. 3. **Offer practical choices and support.** > “We can arrange coverage, pause client-facing work, or find a quiet place to talk. Which would help? I can also help you contact our employee assistance program or a qualified professional.” Because she is not sleeping, encourage her to contact a health care professional promptly. Do not diagnose her or ask her to push through. 4. **Make a follow-up plan.** > “Let’s check in again tomorrow. We can review your workload and arrange support with a supervisor or clinical consultant, without repeating unnecessary client details.” **For now:** Do not press for a detailed retelling, try to resolve everything in one conversation, or promise complete confidentiality. Explain who needs to know and why. Keep any record brief, secure, and limited to work impacts, support offered, and agreed next steps. **If she needs immediate emotional support in the U.S.:** Call or text **988**, or chat at **988lifeline.org**. For immediate physical danger, call **911**. You can also contact **988** for guidance on supporting her.

You don’t need the perfect words. You need to show you believe her, that this is a known occupational risk, and that she doesn’t have to carry it alone or “tough it out.” **Say something like this, privately and without rushing:** “Thank you for telling me. That makes sense — some stories stay with us, and not sleeping is a real sign your system is overloaded, not that you’re weak or unprofessional. You don’t have to give me details of the client’s story. I care about how *you* are doing. What would help this week? We can lighten your caseload, pause new similar cases, or set up extra supervision. If you want, I can also point you to [EAP / counseling / our trauma-informed support]. Sleep and recovery matter more than pushing through. You’re not in trouble for being affected. Checking in with me was the right call.” **A few things that help:** - **Validate, don’t minimize.** Avoid “everyone feels this” or “try not to think about it.” - **Don’t dig for the client’s story.** That can re-expose her and isn’t necessary for you to support her. - **Offer concrete relief**, not only sympathy: fewer cases, time off, a different mix of work, regular debrief with a supervisor who knows secondary trauma. - **Normalize professional help.** Secondary traumatic stress and insomnia are common in this work; EAP or a therapist is appropriate, not a failure. - **Follow up.** One conversation isn’t enough. Check in again in a few days: “How has sleep been? Is the workload change actually helping?” **Watch for signs she needs more than a supportive chat:** several nights without sleep, can’t function at work, panic, hopelessness, or using alcohol to shut her mind off. In that case, encourage her to contact a clinician or crisis line promptly, and help her step back from work until she’s steadier. If you’re worried about her safety, don’t leave it as optional. You’re her supervisor, not her therapist. Warmth plus practical protection of her workload is the right role.

Say something that names what you’re seeing, takes the load off her personally, and points her toward support—without asking her to retell the client’s story. Try something like: “Thank you for telling me. It makes sense that a story like that would stay with you, and not sleeping is a real warning sign, not a personal failure. You don’t have to carry this alone, and you don’t need to walk me through the details. I want us to get you some support and lighten things for a bit. Can we look at your caseload today, and would you be willing to use EAP or talk with a supervisor/clinician this week? I’ll check back with you tomorrow.” A few things that help: - **Validate, don’t minimize.** Skip “everyone deals with hard cases” or “try not to think about it.” - **Don’t dig for the story.** Details can breach confidentiality and make the rumination worse. Focus on her sleep, concentration, and what she needs. - **Make support concrete.** Offer EAP, clinical supervision, a peer consult, or time off—not just “let me know if you need anything.” - **Adjust the work.** Temporarily reduce similar cases, protect breaks, and don’t send her home to “just rest” with the same load waiting. - **Follow up.** One check-in tomorrow matters more than a perfect speech today. If she seems unable to function, talks about hopelessness, or you worry about her safety, treat it as urgent: stay with the conversation, help her reach EAP, a clinician, or emergency services, and don’t leave her to manage it alone. You’re her supervisor, not her therapist—warm, boundaried, and practical is the right role.

Thank you for telling me. It makes sense that this is staying with you, and I’m glad you said something. You don’t have to go back through the story unless you want to. What I need to know is how you’re doing and what would help right now. We can lighten your workload this week, and you can take time to rest. If you want, I can also set up a check-in with your supervisor or with our employee assistance program. What would be most useful today?

Thank you for telling me. You should not have to carry that alone, and losing sleep over a client’s story is a signal to get support, not a sign you are failing at the job. You do not need to retell the details unless you want to. What would help most right now: a lighter load for a few days, stepping back from that case, a check-in with your supervisor, or a connection to our employee assistance program or a clinician? I can make room for that this week. If the thoughts or the lack of sleep get worse, or you start feeling unsafe, tell me or reach a crisis line right away. In the U.S., call or text 988.

I’m glad you told me. Carrying someone else’s hard story can stay with you, and losing sleep is a sign to get support, not to push through alone. You do not have to retell the story for me to take this seriously. We can keep the client’s details private. For now, step back from that case. I will cover it or reassign it. Take the rest of today off if you need to, and we can look at tomorrow together. Please use our employee assistance program or another counselor you trust. If the thoughts feel overwhelming, or you do not feel safe, call or text 988, or text HOME to 741741. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. What would help most in the next day or two: time off, a lighter caseload, or help finding someone to talk to? I will check in with you tomorrow. You are not in trouble for saying this.

If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911. You can say this: "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did. You don't have to carry this alone, and you don't have to retell the story for me to take this seriously. Not sleeping and not being able to stop thinking about it is a sign you need support now, not later. That is about the weight of the work, not a failure on your part. Here is what I can do today. You can pick what helps: 1. Step away from this case for now. I will cover it or reassign it. 2. Take the rest of today off, and tomorrow if you need it. We will sort the schedule. 3. Talk with our employee assistance program or another counselor. I can help you make that call. 4. Check in with me again tomorrow, even if it is only for ten minutes. You do not have to decide all of that in this conversation. What would help most in the next hour? Please do not try to push through tonight. If the thoughts get heavier, or you feel unsafe, call or text 988, or text HOME to 741741. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. I will follow up with you tomorrow. You can also reach me at [your number]." Do not ask her to describe the client's story again. Do not tell her to toughen up, leave work at work, or find closure. Do not diagnose her. After you talk, protect the client's privacy in any notes. Write down only that a staff member reported distress, what support you offered, and what she chose. Debrief with your own supervisor if you need to. You are not her clinician. Crisis support: 988 (call or text). Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741. Emergency: 911.

The fact that she told you is significant—it means she trusts you, and how you respond will shape whether she (and others on your team) speak up in the future. What she's describing sounds like secondary traumatic stress, which is common and treatable, but it needs to be taken seriously rather than brushed off as "part of the job." **In the conversation itself:** - **Thank her and normalize it:** "Thank you for telling me—that took courage. What you're describing is a really common response to this kind of work. It's not a sign of weakness or that you're not cut out for this." - **Listen more than you talk:** "Tell me more about how you're doing." Let her lead. You don't need the details of the client's story, and she doesn't need to relive it. - **Express care and commitment:** "I take this seriously, and I want to figure out how to support you." - **Ask what would help:** "What would make things more manageable right now?" **What to avoid:** - Minimizing ("everyone goes through this," "you'll toughen up") - Rushing to fix it or find silver linings - Playing therapist—your role is to support her and connect her to help, not to process the trauma with her - Promising absolute confidentiality in case safety concerns emerge **After the conversation:** - **Follow up within a few days.** A single check-in isn't enough, and silence can feel like abandonment after someone discloses something vulnerable. - **Look at her workload.** Can you temporarily reduce her exposure to similar cases, adjust deadlines, or build in some breathing room? - **Connect her to resources:** EAP, counseling, or clinical/reflective supervision if your field offers it. Peer support from colleagues who do similar work can also be powerful. - **Watch the timeline.** If the sleep disruption and intrusive thoughts persist beyond a couple of weeks or worsen, gently encourage professional support—early help works much better than waiting. One more thing: if she says anything suggesting hopelessness or thoughts of harming herself, treat that as urgent and help her connect to professional support right away. And check in with yourself too—supervisors absorb this as well, and modeling that it's okay to struggle makes it safer for your whole team.

What you're describing sounds like secondary traumatic stress—a common occupational hazard for people who work closely with clients' difficult experiences. The good news: the fact that she told you is a sign of trust and self-awareness, and how you respond now matters a lot. **Start by receiving it well** Your first job is to thank her and normalize it, not fix it: - "Thank you for telling me. I know that wasn't easy to bring up, and I'm really glad you did." - "What you're describing is something a lot of people in this work experience. It's a normal response to hearing painful stories—not a sign that something's wrong with you or that you're not cut out for this." **Then listen and ask a few questions** - "How long has this been going on?" - "How is it affecting you during the day?" - "Is there anything about the case itself that feels unresolved or that you're worried about?" — Sometimes intrusive thoughts signal an unaddressed concern about a client's safety or something left undone. - "What do you think would help right now?" **What to avoid saying** - Don't minimize: "Try not to think about it" or "We all go through this" will shut her down. - Don't make it about her fitness for the job. - Don't rush to solutions before you've heard her out. - Don't promise confidentiality you can't keep if safety concerns emerge. **After the conversation** - **Adjust the load if you can.** A temporary caseload reduction, sharing or transferring this case, or a few days off can make a real difference. - **Point her to support.** EAP, counseling, or more frequent supervision with you. You're her boss, not her therapist—be supportive, but help her connect to professional support if this persists. - **Schedule a follow-up.** Check in within a week. A one-time conversation that never gets revisited can feel like being managed rather than cared for. - **Watch the trajectory.** A few rough nights after a hard case is common. If sleep problems and intrusive thoughts continue for weeks, or she starts avoiding clients, going numb, or seeming hopeless, that's when to more directly encourage professional help. **One bigger-picture thought** If one staff member is carrying this, others may be too. It's worth asking whether your team has regular structures for processing difficult cases—debriefs, supervision that makes room for the emotional weight of the work, not just case logistics. Secondary trauma is best addressed as a workplace condition, not just an individual problem. The single most important thing in that first conversation: she should leave feeling glad she told you, not regretting it.

The most important thing already happened: she told you. How you respond decides whether she — and anyone else on your team — speaks up again. **In the moment, say something like:** - "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." - "What you're describing is a real and common response to this work. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you, and it doesn't mean you're not cut out for this job." - "What would help right now?" Then listen. You don't have to fix it in that conversation. Ask what she'd like kept between the two of you, and be honest about anything you can't keep private. **A few things to avoid:** - Don't minimize. "Everyone goes through this" or "try not to take work home" tells her to stop talking. - Don't diagnose. Skip labels like burnout or trauma. Describe what's happening; don't name a condition for her. - Don't ask her to retell the client's story. She doesn't need to relive it, and the client's privacy matters. - Don't treat it as a performance problem. **After the conversation:** - Follow up within a few days. One check-in isn't enough. - Look at what you can adjust: her caseload, a few days off, regular time to debrief with you or a trusted peer. - Point her to real support — your EAP if you have one, or a counselor who works with people in helping professions. If the sleep problems continue past a couple of weeks, encourage that directly. - If she ever mentions thoughts of harming herself, treat it as urgent and help her connect to support the same day. One more thing: look at the structure, not just at her. One person's story staying with her is human. A whole team carrying heavy caseloads with no space to process them is an organizational problem — and that's yours to fix, not hers to absorb. What she's describing is well documented in this field, sometimes called secondary traumatic stress. You don't need to use that term with her, but knowing it's a recognized occupational reality — not a personal weakness — can help you take it as seriously as it deserves.

Start by treating it as what it is: a common, human response to doing this work, and a sign she trusts you enough to say it out loud. **What you might say** > "Thank you for telling me. That took some trust, and I'm glad you did. > > "What you're describing — carrying a client's story home, losing sleep over it — happens to a lot of people who do this work. It means you care. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you or that you're not cut out for this. > > "You don't need to tell me the details of her story. But I'd like to know what would help right now." Then listen more than you talk. Offer concrete things, not just sympathy: - "Would it help to shift part of your caseload this week, or take a day?" - "Do you want more time in supervision to think this through together?" - "If the sleep trouble keeps up, it's worth talking to your doctor or a counselor — same as you'd see someone for a bad back. Here's what our EAP covers." **What to avoid** - "Everyone feels that way at first" or "you'll grow thicker skin." It minimizes, and it teaches her not to bring things to you. - Asking her to retell the client's story in detail. It can deepen the intrusion, and the client's story isn't yours to hear. - Treating it as a performance problem or a toughness problem. **After the conversation** - Check in again within a few days. One conversation isn't the fix, and a follow-up signals you meant it. - Take it as information about your organization, not just about her. If staff are carrying heavy stories without regular supervision, manageable caseloads, or space to debrief, that's a structure to work on — not a personal weakness for her to push through. - If she ever mentions harming herself or not wanting to be here, treat that as urgent and connect her to crisis support right away. The short version: thank her, normalize it without brushing it off, offer something concrete, and follow up.

Thank her for telling you. That took trust, and how you respond shapes whether she — and your other staff — come to you again. **Start with something like:** > "Thank you for telling me. What you're describing — replaying a client's story, not sleeping — is something a lot of people in this work experience. It has a name: secondary trauma. It's a normal response to carrying hard stories, not a sign of weakness or that you're not cut out for this. I'm glad you said something, and I want to figure out with you what would help." Then listen. Let her share what she wants to share. Don't ask her to retell the client's story in detail — that can make the replaying worse, and it protects the client's privacy too. **Ask what would help, and offer real options:** - Time off, or a lighter caseload for a stretch - Stepping back from that client's case, if that's possible - Regular check-ins with you or a clinical supervisor - Your Employee Assistance Program or a counselor, ideally one who knows secondary trauma — framed as a benefit the organization provides, not a referral because something is wrong with her Let her choose. People do better when they have control over what happens next. **What not to say:** - "This is just part of the job." It dismisses her and teaches her not to come to you. - "You need thicker skin," or self-care platitudes. The organization's job is to adjust the conditions, not just tell her to take better care of herself. - A diagnosis. You're not her clinician, and "you have PTSD" from a supervisor lands as a label, not help. - Don't promise secrecy you can't keep. If you ever need to involve someone else, tell her first. **Follow up.** Check in again in a few days — not just once. If the sleep problems and intrusive thoughts are still there after a couple of weeks, or getting worse, encourage her to see a professional and make it easy: time off for appointments, the EAP number in her hand. **If it ever becomes more than this.** If she talks about hopelessness, not wanting to be here, or you worry she might hurt herself, take it seriously in the moment: stay with her and call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) together. Nothing in what you've described says she's there now — but know the number before you need it. One last thing: keep what she told you private, and keep her client's story from traveling. Protecting both is part of taking care of her.

What she's describing is common for people who work closely with clients' trauma, and it's treatable. Your job in this conversation is to listen, normalize it, and connect her to support — not to be her therapist. **What you might say** - "Thank you for telling me. I know that wasn't easy." - "What you're describing — replaying a client's story, trouble sleeping — is common enough in this work that it has a name: vicarious trauma. It's a normal response, not a sign you're failing or not cut out for this." - "You don't need to tell me the details of the client's story. I want to focus on what would help you." - "What would make this week more manageable? We can look at your caseload, your schedule, or some time off." - "Our EAP offers free, confidential counseling. Would you like help getting connected?" (If you don't have an EAP, help her find a therapist — ideally one who works with people in helping professions.) **What to avoid** - Don't ask her to retell the client's story. It can deepen the intrusive thoughts, and it protects the client's privacy. - Don't minimize it: "everyone goes through this," "you'll get used to it," or "maybe this work isn't for you." - Don't analyze her or suggest a diagnosis. That's for a professional. - Don't promise complete secrecy — as her supervisor, there may be limits, and it's better to be honest about that. **After the conversation** - Check in again within a few days. One conversation isn't the fix. - Look at the structural side: caseload mix, breaks, regular supervision, peer support. Vicarious trauma is an occupational hazard, not a personal weakness — the workplace has a role in addressing it. - Document the conversation per your HR practices, keeping both her privacy and the client's. **If it escalates** If she mentions hopelessness, thoughts of harming herself, or things get worse, treat it as urgent: encourage her to contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) or text HOME to 741741, and help her connect with a professional right away.

This is vicarious trauma / secondary traumatic stress — and the fact she told you means she trusts you. Your job in this conversation isn't to be her therapist, or to hear the client's story again. It's to validate, understand the impact, and make a practical support plan with her. Here's a way through it: ### 1. In the first 2 minutes: Thank, validate, normalize Don't jump to fixing or to "self-care tips" yet. You can say: > "Thank you for telling me. I'm really glad you did." > > "It makes complete sense that story has stayed with you. It doesn't mean you're not cut out for this work — it means you were listening and you care. This is a known occupational risk in our work, not a personal weakness." > > "You don't need to retell me the client's story. I'd rather hear how it's affecting *you*." What not to say: - "You just have to learn to leave work at work" - "You'll get used to it / you'll toughen up" - "I know exactly how you feel" and then telling your own worst case - "What did the client say exactly?" — that can re-expose both of you and breaches the focus on her wellbeing If she cries, don't rush. A pause and "Take your time, there's no rush here" is enough. ### 2. Gently explore impact and what she needs Ask open, choice-based questions: > "How long has this been going on for?" > "When you say you can't stop thinking about it, is it popping up at work too, or mainly at night?" > "How is the lack of sleep affecting you during the day?" > "Is there a particular part that's sticking with you — not the details, but is it worry for the client, anger at what happened, feeling helpless?" > "What, if anything, has helped even a little bit so far?" > "What would feel supportive right now — talking it through in supervision, some space from similar cases for a bit, time to debrief with a peer, or help connecting to outside support?" Listen for functional impact: intrusive thoughts, avoiding certain clients/tasks, feeling numb or irritable, hyper-alertness, dread coming to work. You don't need to diagnose, just understand what support is proportionate. ### 3. Make a concrete, collaborative plan for today and this week Vague "look after yourself" isn't helpful when someone isn't sleeping. Offer specific, work-related adjustments and let her choose: > "Let's make a plan together so you're not carrying this alone. We could..." > - Pause and step out / finish early today if she's exhausted > - Temporarily reallocate a similar high-trauma case, or pair her with someone for the next appointment with this client > - Book a longer debrief/supervision session this week, separate from case management > - Reduce back-to-back intense appointments for a few days > - Connect her to your EAP / employee wellbeing service, GP, or her own therapist — during work time if possible > - Agree on a check-in time: "Can I check in with you again Thursday morning to see how sleep is going?" Close that part with: > "Which of those would be most useful? And is there anything you *don't* want me to do?" Respect privacy — don't record health details in case notes or share with the team without her permission. You can note only agreed workplace adjustments. ### 4. Close clearly > "I'm sorry you've been dealing with this on your own. You did the right thing by raising it. We'll keep an eye on this together, and we can adjust the plan if it's not helping. If the sleeplessness or intrusive thoughts get worse, please let me know sooner, or reach out to [EAP/GP] — you don't have to wait for our check-in." Then actually follow up when you said you would. That follow-through matters more than a perfect first conversation. ### A quick script if you're put on the spot If she just disclosed it in a corridor / between meetings: > "Thank you for trusting me with that — that sounds exhausting and really tough. I want to give this proper time, not rush it here. Are you okay to keep going today, and can we sit down for 30 minutes at [time] to talk through what support would help?" --- You’re also allowed to feel affected hearing this as a supervisor. Debrief (without identifying details) with your own manager, peer supervisor, or EAP afterwards if you need to. If her distress escalates — panic, inability to function at work, persistent insomnia for weeks, or she mentions harming herself — encourage urgent professional support and follow your organisation’s wellbeing/safety procedures. The most powerful message you can send is: *This is understandable, you’re not in trouble for feeling it, and we will respond at a work level, not just tell you to be more resilient.*

This is vicarious trauma / secondary traumatic stress — and how you respond in this first conversation matters a lot. She’s likely worried she’ll be seen as weak or not cut out for the work. Your goal isn’t to be her therapist. It’s to validate, normalize, understand the impact on her work, and make a support plan together. Here’s a framework you can use, with exact phrases: ### 1. Thank her and validate Start here, before trying to fix anything. > "Thank you for trusting me with that. I'm really glad you told me." > > "That sounds exhausting — carrying a story home with you and not sleeping on top of it." > > "This doesn't mean you're not good at this job. It means you're human, and this work exposes us to really painful things. A lot of people in this role experience this at some point." **Avoid:** "Just try to leave it at work," "You need to toughen up a bit," "We all hear hard stories," or immediately jumping to solutions. Minimizing will shut her down. ### 2. Gently explore — without making her retell the client's story You don't need the graphic details, and retelling them can re-expose both of you. Focus on *her* experience. > "You don't have to go into the details of what the client shared, unless you think it would help. Can you tell me a bit about how it's been showing up for you?" > > "Is it intrusive thoughts/images, worrying about the client, feeling on edge?" > > "How is the lack of sleep affecting you during the day — concentration, patience, driving, decision-making?" > > "How long has this been going on?" If she cries, that's okay. Pause, offer water/tissue, and say: "Take your time. There's no rush." ### 3. Normalize support and ask what she needs Give her agency. Don't assume time off is what she wants. > "As your supervisor, I want to support you in a way that actually feels helpful. What do you think you need most right now?" > > "Would it help to have regular debriefs for a while, a temporary shift in your caseload, not taking on a similar new case this week, or some flexibility with start times while your sleep is off?" > > "Do you have supports outside of work you can lean on?" You can also name resources without pushing them: > "We also have [EAP / employee support program] — it's confidential and separate from me. Some people find even one or two sessions helpful for sleep and rumination strategies. I can send you the details, no pressure." If symptoms have lasted more than a couple of weeks, are getting worse, or are significantly interfering with daily life, encourage her to check in with her GP or a mental health professional. You can't diagnose, but you can care. ### 4. Make a small, concrete plan and close the loop End with clarity and reassurance about confidentiality and job safety. > "Let's try [e.g., a 20-minute check-in on Friday, and I'll hold off assigning you another trauma intake until we talk again]. We can adjust it." > > "I won't share what you've told me with the team without your permission. I may need to note that we're putting a support plan in place, but not the personal details." > > "Can we check in again on [specific day]? And please let me know sooner if the sleep gets worse or you feel unsafe at work because you're so tired." Then actually follow up on that day, even if she seems better. A quick: "I've been thinking about our chat Tuesday — how have the last couple of nights been?" builds a lot of trust. ### As her manager, also think longer-term One conversation helps, but consider: * **Workload check:** Is she carrying a disproportionate number of high-trauma cases? Does she need rotation or co-working? * **Regular supervision:** Build in reflective debriefing, not just case/task updates. * **Team culture:** Talk generally (without naming her) about vicarious trauma being an occupational risk, not a personal failure. That makes it safer for others to speak up. --- A short version you could say today: > "I'm glad you told me. Not sleeping and not being able to switch off sounds really hard, and it's a common response to the kind of stories we hear — it's not a sign you're failing. You don't need to retell the client's story, but can you tell me how it's affecting you and what support might help right now? Let's make a plan together and check in again on Friday." Your calm, non-judgmental response tells her it's safe to be human in this work.

Thank her for telling you, take it seriously in the moment, and do not ask her to retell the client's story. You could say something like this: > Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did. > > It makes sense that this is staying with you, and I'm sorry you haven't been sleeping. > > You don't need to share details about the client with me. I want to understand what would help you right now. > > Would it help to take a break today, talk through what support you need at work, or look together at options like our employee assistance program? > > We can also talk about your schedule or workload this week, if a change would help. Then listen more than you advise. Let her name what she needs, if she can. **Helpful next steps to offer:** 1. A short break or time off, if she wants it 2. A regular check-in time with you, so she is not carrying this alone at work 3. Information for employee assistance or other support your workplace offers, repeated in writing so she does not have to remember it 4. A temporary change to duties or schedule, if that is possible and she wants it **Try to avoid:** - "You need to be stronger for the clients" or "This is just part of the job" - Asking for details about what the client shared - Trying to diagnose why she is not sleeping, or telling her what treatment she needs - Promising that a change will make the thoughts stop If the lack of sleep continues or gets worse, encourage her to talk with a health professional she trusts. You can say: > If this keeps affecting your sleep, please consider talking with a professional outside of work too. I can share the contact information again, and you can decide what to do with it. Close by following through on anything you offered, and check in again on the day you said you would.

Start by thanking her for telling you, and let her know you take it seriously. You do not need to fix how she feels in one conversation. You can say something like this: > Thank you for telling me. I'm sorry you haven't been sleeping and that this has stayed with you. > > You don't need to share details of the client's story with me. Can you tell me how this is affecting your work and your rest right now? > > What would help this week? We can look at your schedule, talk through what support is available, and check in again in a few days. ### What helps in the moment - **Listen first.** Let her finish without interrupting or trying to explain it away. - **Name what she told you, plainly.** "You haven't been sleeping, and you keep thinking about it during the day." - **Ask what she needs.** She may want time to talk, a break from similar cases, a change in schedule, or help finding support outside work. - **Keep it private.** Do not repeat what she shared to other staff unless she agrees, or unless there is a safety concern. - **Follow up.** Set a specific time to check in again, such as Friday morning, and keep it. ### What to avoid - Do not ask her to retell the client's story in detail. - Do not say "you need to be tougher" or "this is just part of the job." - Do not label what she is experiencing or guess at a diagnosis. - Do not promise that a day off or one talk will make it go away. ### Next steps to offer 1. Look together at her current workload and whether any tasks can be paused, shared, or moved. 2. Remind her of support your organization offers, such as an employee assistance program, supervision time, or time off. Give her the phone number or link in writing. 3. If poor sleep or distress continues, gets worse, or starts to affect her safety or daily life, encourage her to talk with a health care professional or counselor she trusts. 4. Check in again as planned, even if she says she is doing better. A short closing can help: > I'm glad you told me. We will keep checking in, and we can adjust support as we learn what helps.

Here is what to say and do now: **Say this first:** 1. "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did." 2. "You do not need to retell the client's story to me. I want to focus on support for you." 3. "Let's pause work for a few minutes. Would you like water, a quiet room, or a short walk?" 4. "We can look at coverage so you can take a break today. You can also choose to go home early if that would help." 5. "I will check in with you tomorrow. We will also set a time to debrief with your supervisor this week." **Next steps for you as her manager:** 1. Move the conversation to a private place. 2. Listen. Do not ask for details about the client. 3. Do not try to solve the client's situation in this conversation. 4. Offer concrete options: a break now, a change in tasks today, time off, or connection to your Employee Assistance Program if you have one. 5. Ask what contact she prefers for follow-up, and follow through at that time. 6. Document only that support was offered and what work changes were made. Do not document the client's story. **What not to do right now:** - Do not diagnose her or label what she is experiencing. - Do not ask her to keep working with the same case today without a break and a check-in. - Do not share her disclosure with other staff without her permission, except to arrange coverage or supervisor support. If distress gets worse, or she feels unable to stay safe, help her contact a trusted person, her health care provider, or a crisis line right away. Crisis support in the U.S.: Call or text 988. Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741. Repeat for her in writing before she leaves: who she can contact, when you will check in, and what coverage is in place for today.

Here is language you can use now, in a private place: 1. "Thank you for telling me. I am glad you did." 2. "You do not need to retell the client's story to me right now." 3. "What would help you most in the next hour — a break, going home, or sitting with someone?" 4. "We will adjust your work today so you are not carrying this alone. I will help you connect with [supervisor name / EAP contact]." 5. "If your distress gets worse, or you feel unsafe, please tell me or another supervisor right away." Next steps for you as her manager: 1. Listen. Do not ask for details of the client's story. 2. Ask what she needs now, and offer choices. 3. Connect her today with her supervisor and your Employee Assistance Program, if you have one. Give her the number in writing. 4. Check whether her caseload or schedule needs a temporary change. Tell her plainly what will change and when you will check in again. 5. Do not try to counsel her or diagnose what she is experiencing. Direct her to a supervisor or professional for support beyond this conversation. 6. Protect the client's privacy. Document only that she reported distress and what support was offered, not the client's story. If she says she may harm herself, or anyone is in immediate danger, call 911. Crisis support in the U.S.: Call or text 988. Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741. Repeat for her in writing before she leaves: supervisor name and number, EAP number if available, and 988.

Here’s a trauma-informed, manager-appropriate way to respond. The goal is to validate her experience, set a supportive tone, and connect her to professional help—without stepping into the role of her therapist. ### What to say right now **Validate and thank her** > “Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry you’re carrying this. It makes complete sense that a story like that would stay with you.” **Normalize without minimizing** > “This kind of reaction is more common than people talk about, especially when the work touches something personal or painful. You’re not overreacting, and you’re not failing at your job.” **Offer support, not solutions** > “I don’t want you to push through this alone. Let’s figure out what would help right now—whether that’s time off, a lighter caseload, or help finding someone to talk to.” **Clarify your role (kindly)** > “I’m your manager, not your counselor, so I can’t give you clinical advice. But I can help you get the support and space you need.” ### What to avoid saying - “Just leave it at work.” - “You need to toughen up / set better boundaries.” - “At least it’s not you.” - Trying to analyze the client’s story or give her insight into why it’s affecting her. ### Immediate actions you can offer 1. **Time or schedule flexibility** Offer a day or two off, a reduced caseload, or a temporary shift in duties so she isn’t facing similar client material right now. 2. **Refer to professional support** Share your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or health insurance mental health benefits. If you don’t have an EAP, suggest she contact her primary care provider or a local therapist. You can say: > “I’d like to help you get connected to someone who can help you process this. Would you like me to send over our EAP information?” 3. **Peer support or debrief** If your workplace has a formal debriefing or peer-support process, offer it—but only if she wants it. Don’t force her to relive the story in a group setting. 4. **Follow up** Check in within a few days: > “I wanted to see how you’re doing and whether the support we discussed has been helpful. No pressure to share details—just want to know how I can help.” ### Watch for signs she needs urgent help If she mentions hopelessness, self-harm, inability to function, or says she can’t stop thinking about harming herself or others, treat it as urgent. Encourage her to contact a crisis line (e.g., 988 in the U.S.) or go to an emergency department, and follow your organization’s protocol for employee safety. ### A quick boundary reminder for you You can be compassionate and supportive without becoming her therapist. Your job is to notice, accommodate, and refer—not to diagnose or treat. If this starts affecting her work regularly, you can address performance concerns separately, but for now, lead with care. If you want, tell me a bit more about your field (healthcare, social work, law, etc.) and I can tailor the language further.

Here’s a compassionate, practical way to respond—both in the moment and in the days that follow. ### 1. What to say right now Start with validation and support, not problem-solving. You are her manager, not her therapist. **A simple script:** > “Thank you for telling me. That sounds incredibly heavy, and it makes sense that a story like that would stay with you. I’m glad you felt safe enough to share this with me. > > Let’s not worry about your workload right now. What do you need today—some time off, a lighter schedule, or help covering your clients? We can figure that out together. > > I also want to make sure you have support beyond me. Would you be open to speaking with our Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or a counselor? I can help arrange that confidentially.” **Key messages to convey:** - “I hear you, and I believe you.” - “This is a normal human response to difficult material.” - “You are not alone in this.” - “We will adjust work so you can breathe.” ### 2. What NOT to say Avoid minimizing, toxic positivity, or turning the conversation into a performance issue: - “Just leave it at work.” - “Other people have worse cases.” - “You need to toughen up / develop thicker skin.” - “Are you sure you’re cut out for this job?” ### 3. Immediate practical steps - **Adjust her load today.** Offer to reassign clients, move deadlines, or give her a day or two off. If she’s not sleeping, she is not safe to be making high-stakes decisions or providing intensive client care. - **Offer a debrief.** If your organization has clinical supervision, peer support, or a critical incident debrief process, connect her with it. Do not try to process the client’s trauma with her yourself. - **Refer to professional help.** Share EAP information, insurance mental health benefits, or local crisis resources. If she mentions thoughts of self-harm or being unable to function, encourage her to seek urgent care or call a crisis line, and follow your organization’s safety protocol. ### 4. Follow up (within a few days) Check in privately: > “I’ve been thinking about our conversation. How are you sleeping? How is the workload feeling? Is there anything else I can do to support you?” Document the conversation and any accommodations you provided (dates, what was discussed, what was agreed upon), but keep the details of her disclosure confidential unless there is a safety risk requiring escalation. ### 5. Look at the bigger picture If this is happening to one staff member, it may be a sign of a broader issue: - Are caseloads too high? - Is there enough time between difficult cases for decompression? - Is there a culture where people feel they must “power through”? Consider offering team-wide training on secondary traumatic stress/compassion fatigue and normalizing regular debriefs. ### 6. Take care of yourself, too Hearing that a staff member is struggling can be draining. If you need support, talk to your own manager, HR, or EAP. You can’t hold space for her if you’re running on empty. If you tell me what field you’re in (e.g., healthcare, social work, law, victim services), I can tailor the language and resources more specifically.

I'm glad you told me. It makes sense that a client's story would stay with you. You don't have to carry it alone, and you don't need to share details you don't want to share. Here are some things we can do right now: - Take the rest of the day off, or step away from client work for a few days. Your workload is covered. - Talk to someone through our employee assistance program. It's confidential and free. - Tell me what would help: fewer client meetings, a different assignment, or time to catch up on sleep. I'll check in with you next week, or sooner if you'd like. Taking care of yourself is part of the work.

I'm glad you told me. It makes sense that a client's story would stay with you, and losing sleep is hard. You don't have to carry this by yourself. Here is what I can do right now: - Cover your client work or meetings for the rest of the day, or reassign anything urgent. - Give you time off if you need it—today, tomorrow, or later this week. - Connect you with our employee assistance program for confidential counseling. I can share the contact information. A few things that might help tonight: - Put your phone away before bed so the story isn't the last thing you see. - Write down anything you're afraid of forgetting, then set it aside. - If you want to talk, I'm here to listen. I won't push for details about the client. This doesn't mean you're not good at your job. It means you're human, and this work matters. Let me know what would help most, and I'll make it happen. I'll check in with you in a few days to see how you're doing, and we can adjust your workload then.

I’m glad you told me. That sounds like a lot to carry, and it makes sense that it’s affecting your sleep. You don’t have to handle this alone. Here’s what I’d suggest we do: 1. If you feel unsafe or think you might hurt yourself, call or text 988 right now. If there’s immediate danger, call 911. 2. Let’s adjust your workload this week. You can take time off, reduce your caseload, or change your schedule—whatever helps you rest. You choose. 3. I encourage you to contact our Employee Assistance Program at [number] or a therapist of your choice. I can help you make that call if you’d like. 4. I’ll check in with you in a few days. You decide how much of the client’s story you want to share. You don’t need to give me details to get support. I’m not going to ask you to retell the story or analyze it. My job is to make sure you’re safe, rested, and supported. Resources: - 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 - Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741 - EAP: [insert your EAP number] Please tell me what you need. I’ll keep this private within the limits of our workplace policies.

I’m glad you told me. That sounds like a lot to carry, and it makes sense that you’re not sleeping. You don’t have to figure this out alone. Here are some things I can do right now. You choose what would help: - Take the rest of the week off, paid, no questions asked. - Lighten your caseload for a while. - Talk through what’s on your mind with me or a peer supporter. - Connect with our employee assistance program or a counselor. What feels most useful this week? And what can I take off your plate so you can rest? Your wellbeing matters to this team. The work will be here when you’re back. Say this in private. Listen more than you talk. If she mentions hurting herself, call or text 988 right away, or 911 if there is immediate danger.